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Establishing Healthy LGBT Relationships
There is a stereotype that LGBT persons don't desire long-term, meaningful relationships‑that we would rather experience an...
Counselling in the Community
When people ask me:” at what point shall I seek counseling?” I tell them: “if you feel like you are not as ...
The Molecular Weight of Secrets...
May 9, 2013 It is a beautiful Spring day in Portland, Oregon. I turn in my chair to look out the big skylight in my office. ...
Are You Procrastinating Again?
We all do it, we set goals, create actions to take, say we are going to do something but somewhere along the way we lose sigh...
Anxiety Symptoms and Treatment
Anxiety Symptoms & Treatment It’s important to remember that when dealing with anxiety we first understand that it...
Executive Sober Coaching
As a Business Executive, CEO, Attorney, Pilot, Business Owner, Philanthropist, or other high profile individual, you know the value of publicity and marketing. You understand how bad publicity can ruin you, your brand or your company. You know how important it is to keep personal secrets and demons at bay and not allow the world to view them. Sometimes it can get tiring struggling with an addiction and trying to hide it from the public eye. Cleaning up DUI‘s or other negative behaviors takes time, energy, and if not handled properly, can land you in jail or worse yet ruin your company, your brand or your career. Tired of running from your demons? We can help.
At The Addictions Coach, we understand how important it is for you to have 100% CONFIDENTIALITY and work on your demons behind closed doors. We clearly understand that going to meetings where you may see a client, an employee or customer is not in the cards for you. We understand that a 28 day stay...
Protecting the Abuser
"Frequent fliers" in emergency rooms often present with lacerations and bruises, attributing their injuries to clumsiness. The nurse might ask "Has anyone punched, kicked or touched your body in a manner that caused injury? But if the victim answers "no," the focus usually turns to the injuries themselves, rather than finding out why the patient keeps slipping in the shower or tripping over gargoyles.
Victims of domestic violence often go to great lengths to hide their abuse due to shame, a desire to protect their abuser, or fear of negative consequences. They often feel ashamed, believing that they deserve the abuse due to perceived and unforgivable personal defects which the abuser is all to willing to reinforce, such as being "ugly," "stupid" or "selfish."
Self-Loathing and Self-Blame
The victim is convinced that the abuser loves them, especially following a serious beating, when a brief honeymoon period ensues characterized by the abuser begging for forgiv...
When planning your wedding, don’t forget to plan your marriage. Pre-marital planning includes, but goes beyond, figuring out the mechanics of the marriage. It involves developing a deeper level of personal insight, a better understanding of your finances and of the relationship itself. You can avoid nasty surprises later on by learning about and addressing discrepancies in your and your partner’s expectations for the future before tying the knot. Make sure you discuss the following:
1. Communication. Give yourself and your fiancé permission to discuss concerns even if you’re afraid it will hurt the other’s feelings or result in an argument. Conflict is good. It gives us the opportunity to practice problem solving. Agree on rules for arguing which should include no name-calling, threats or idle ultimatums. When you argue, be honest with yourself about whether your goal is to resolve an issue or win an argument. Avoid mind reading. No matter how convinced ...
When we entertain this subject, there are so many different types of relationships in life. We encounter relationships at work and home, with family, peers, children and friends. Healthy relationships allow for individuality, bring out the best in people, and invite personal growth.
Developing meaningful relationships is a concern for all of us. Getting close to others, sharing our joys, sorrows, needs, wants, affections, and excitements is risky business. What is it that interferes with us getting close to each other? Often it is one or more of these common fears:
Fear of becoming known as we really are. Opening ourselves to others and their reactions is not only difficult for us, but is puts a demand on others to be likewise.
Fear of pain and disappointment. Mass media and advertisers have tried to convince us that we should be 100% happy 24 hours a day. Hurt, pain, disappointment, and loneliness are not comfortable feelings, but they are human. Without the risk of experiencing them...
When people ask me:” at what point shall I seek counseling?” I tell them: “if you feel like you are not as happy as you could be.” It really is that simple. All of us go through times in our lives when we encounter periods of stress causing us feelings of great discomfort. We can loose our support system in transitions such as relocation, parenthood, and general change in circumstances, accentuating feelings of loneliness and anxiety.
Another reason for seeking counseling is recognizing patterns of behaviors that are not working, such as relationships ending badly in the same sort of way. People often wait too long before they seek help. This may lead to depression and/or physical symptoms, which in turn may result in difficulties in our personal and professional relationships.
I had one client who, due to language problems, job promotion and change of environment for him and his nuclear family, suffered an acute anxiety attack on a business trip. Unable to fun...
It is sad to see the statistics showing that most couples will divorce (two-thirds) before without even seeking couples therapy to see if the relationship can be saved. Is it pride? Is it the inability to look at ones self and admit they could have done something different? Do they feel like a failure when they have to discuss private and personal information. The fact of the matter is that relationships are hard work but many think that if you simply fall "in love", it should be easy. If both partners are willing to give therapy an honest effort before divorcing or splitting then I think they would be surprised at the positive results. Often what leads couples to seperate is a lack of communication that has been going on for so long that either partner is unaware of these patterns and they lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. By learning to speak a new language, letting go of expectations that are unreasonable and admitting your wrong at times, is a great place to start whe...
Anger is a normal and healthy emotion when handled appropriately. We all feel anger when we are mistreated or feel we have been "wronged". Its what we do with this anger that is important. When you find that your anger is starting to have negative effects with your day to day life (work, relationships, ability to achieve your goals, etc) then it may be time to seek help. The goal is to learn methods and new ways to control your anger. Many clients in my private practice come to seek me for help in learning how to deal with their anger but most of the time I see that it is fear, resentment, and unmet expectations that are the root causes for their anger. By addressing these issues, the anger soon disapates and the client is able to understand that they do not have to be controlled by their anger and that they are not being the "victim" of others or society but rather they are responsible for their own actions and behaviors.
Many people use anger as a way to keep oth...
(From the Downtown Therapy blog. Check it out to see more)
I found myself on vacation recently. My partner and I went to France. It was equal parts charming and idyllic. It was also curiously stressful.
You see, in Toronto – at the best of times – when I go out I will inevitably have a selection of personalities to encounter: the barista making my americano, the TTC operator at the front of the streetcar, the person operating the cash register at the local grocery store. Ideally, in this sequence of events, even if I’m not consciously aware of it, I’ll be seen, heard, and understood.
These are three very important things to experience in day-to-day life: it feels good to be recognized, to be listened to, and to feel that the person on the other side of our dealings-with acknowledges our existence. Sadly, this doesn’t always come to be. The barista may get my order wrong, the TTC operator might be a bit gruff, the person operating the cash might...
One of the most powerful experiences in counseling is that moment when you “connect the dots.” After talking about the stress, pain, anxiety and frustration that brought you to therapy, out of nowhere you have a different way of looking at things. You have ideas and new solutions to problems which seemed overwhelming.
Working with your counselor, you start figuring out how to take the new ideas and use them to make life better.
Sometimes we make things too complicated. Often we just need to let our minds and emotions work on a problem we have brought out and examined by talking it through with a therapist. This is when the “fun” begins as you start seeing how you can make different choices.
Are you ready to start connecting the dots?
For additional blogs, go to http://zandas.net/blog-2/
What Is Love?
Today’s word is love. A lot of conflict happens because people have different definitions to this simple word. Most of the time, I think those definitions are wrong. So what is love? After all the poetry, music, books and movies on the subject, you’d think we’d have this one down by now. Here’s some ideas of what I think love is.
Love is like my garden. When I look at it, spend time out there, I have a number of feelings and behaviors. I admire it, I praise it, I share peaceful moments with it. Those satisfying feelings are not love. Love is not a feeling. So if it’s not a feeling, what is it?
To know what love is, let’s first turn to what it’s not. In my consulting room, one of the most common definitions of love is admiration. When people fall in love, they form a mutual admiration club. That’s not love. Neither is the lust they feel. Falling in love should be called falling in lust. You only lust for people you want to...
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