Divorce Counseling Category

My Loved One Won't Come to Therapy With Me

Often, a loved one refuses to consider going to therapy.  This can be painful if you are hoping that couple's work could be beneficial - almost like your partner wants to fail.  But this is seldom the case.

A loved one may not want to go to therapy with you for many reasons.  Here are three most common reasons I have heard:

1) They fear you want to bring them to treatment to "fix"what is wrong with them or to break up,

2) They worry that you are putting them into a situation where you already have a relationship with a therapist who will therefore be on your side, or

3) They think "Rocking the boat" with therapy will make things worse.  This is often the case if there are secrets or areas that cannot be spoken of in the relationship.

Here are three things you can do to support your partner to enter therapy with you:

1)  Ask your partner to support you - to be there for you by attending a session with you.  If they want, they then have the option to c...

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THE Key to a Long Term Marriage / Relationship

Ever wonder if there might be one amazing and powerful tool that you could apply to your relationship that would greatly increase the odds of success?

As a therapist I have help numerous couples navigate the challenges of being together long term.  Some time ago I created a tool I call 'The Business of Marriage' that has proven, time and time again, to short circuit big problems, and substantially increase the love and joy in a relationship.

'The Business of Marriage' is an communication tool that ensures small issues are dealt with BEFORE they become big issues.  It ensures those things that really matter are communicated, shared and decided upon using an agreed upon premise that reflects your your values and goals for the relationship.

Sound interesting?  For a more complete description and learn more go here: www.GenesisSquared.com/business-of-marriage

At GenesisSquared Counselling and Psychotherapy we provide you with tools and strategies that help you make the ch...

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Don't Break the Bank...Or Each Other: 3 Ways to Divorce Cheaply and Peacefully

Even though divorce can be incredibly difficult with emotions running high, the truth is that any couple – that’s right, any couple can truly find common ground when it comes to the expenses associated with divorce.

Between attorneys, court fees and orders, therapy and financing a new place to live, divorce is, needless to say, expensive. Through the years, I’ve never met a couple who didn’t want to save money during the process of their separation. And when both individuals can work toward a common goal of saving money, other details of the divorce tend to go smoothly in the spirit of mutual collaboration.

Make your divorce easier – both financially and emotionally — by following these three out-of-the-box money saving tips.

Opt for Mediation

You can save a whole lot of cash if you know how to navigate the divorce process wisely. One of the best ways to reduce costs associated with divorce is to avoid the old school “lawyering up” an...

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'Til Age 50 Do Us Part: Divorce Commonplace Among Baby Boomers

These days, marriage is more of a long-term lease than a forever sentiment. That’s because according to the latest reports on divorce statistics, more Americans age 50 and up are divorced than widowed – and that’s the first time since 1990.

A recent article published at The New York Times tells us that divorce rates among those 50 and older has grown in the last fifty years from 2.8 percent to 15.4 percent.

Divorce trend? Maybe. But most likely, divorcees are realizing that being single at an older age isn’t so bad. That’s not to say divorce isn’t difficult. It is – but with reduced stigma and working women, divorce is becoming a feasible option when counseling doesn’t work.

As much as the stigma has been reduced, though, rising divorce rates among the older American population is not without risk. Researchers at Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio say that just like widowers, divorcees will generally face economic st...

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5 Things to Think about When Considering Divorce

5 Things to Think about When Considering Divorce
By Nancy Fagan, www.Dyvorce.com

Considering leaving your spouse? You need a solid exit plan. Pre-divorce-planning involves carefully planning out often-overlooked aspects of your life before you announce you’re leaving. In 85 percent of divorces, it is the wife who initiates the divorce. Whether man or woman, if you are in this situation, starting a plan of action now is absolutely necessary. Just because your wife/husband wants everything, including the children, it does not necessarily mean that’s what has to happen. Learn how to get a fair settlement by playing smart and doing certain things that will help your situation tremendously.

Divorce planning is needed for both men and women. With that said, if you’re a woman, preparing in advance is even more important. In fact, most women are in a worse place financially after it’s all said and done. With this said, you don’t have to become a statistic. You have ...

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Pack (after divorce) with Emotional Care

By Nancy Fagan, The Divorce Help Clinic LLC™

By nature, women are nesters and work hard to make their house a home. When divorce happens, the process of dismantling personal effects, carefully gathered and arranged through the years can be heart wrenching.

Packing stirs up feelings of loss surrounding the dreams of a life together that have ended. This can be a traumatic experience not only for you, but also for everyone in the family. Not only is the home being lost, all the items of familiar comfort are being divided. In its place, shattered dreams and the lack of emotional safety and security fill the space. Packing under these conditions requires thoughtful and deliberate steps. Following the tips below will make the process a little easier.

Inventory Agreement. Prior to packing, generate a list of household items that you plan to take. Have your husband review the list and sign the bottom of the page to show that he is in agreement. If there is any thing under question, n...

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Sometimes Not Happy But Loving

Lorna Hayim-Baker
Licensed Clinical Social Worker

When two people love each other is it true that they will always make each other happy? I do not think "happy" is a fitting adjective to use when discussing marital goals or one that describes a committed and loving relationship between two people that have said "I love you" to one another because happiness is a an incomplete and trivial measuring rod of life. Most mature people, whether married or not, don't expect life only to be joyful. Happiness as the primary goal of a marriage/loving relationship can become its undoing, for it easily leads to self seeking, self centeredness and self indulgence.. That is why couples, young and old, seeking release from a marriage/relationship in trouble often cry out and say "I have a right to be happy".

I see marriage or any two partners who are in a committed monogamous relationship as the creation of two imperfect people who are willing to make compromises, work out adjustments and control emotio...

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Help children process the news of a divorce! Part #2

Adolescents’ reaction to the news of divorce could be anywhere within the spectrum of intense anger, sadness, and depression to no reaction at all. Adolescents who express their feelings accuse their parents of “ruining their life”, “ being selfish” and “ inconsiderate”. They may also act up as being the “victims of their parents’ decision”. As a result, their grades at school may drop, they may start missing classes, refuse to go to school, and hang out with the troublesome kids at school and justify their behavior as the consequence of the parents’ separation.

On the other end, adolescents who do not show any feelings may seem to be taking the news of the divorce very well; nothing changes in their behavior or school grades and they continue to be the same. However, every teen will react to the separation in some explicit way; although it may take them days or even months. Parents need to be prepared for a backlash an...

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Help children process the news of a divorce! Part #I

Children have different reactions to their parents’ separation, which is in accordance with their developmental stage.

Pre-schoolers may cry, ignore the news, pretend they haven’t heard anything and ask for permission to go play, or show no emotion at all. But, no matter what their initial reaction to the big new is, it does not mean that they are fine with it. Most of the time, their emotional and/or behavioral reaction to divorce unfolds within time.

“Play” has a critical role in processing difficult information for kids. Pre-schoolers’ play may demonstrate families (of animals, dolls, cars, etc) with themes of going on trips, fights, yelling at, leaving, loneliness, and empty houses, which allows kids to practice control over their feelings regarding divorce and separation, i.e. they control who leaves, when they leave, etc. Adults process the same difficult information through talking to friends, family, and therapists and through critical thinki...

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Dating Tips For Single Parents

For many single parents, casual dating can be frustrating and annoying. Looking for a new partner, however, can be downright frightening. In fact many single parents who are gun shy after divorce go in one of two directions. They either convince themselves they are better off not going beyond getting their feet wet (at best) or they deny and minimize their fears, which can lead to making reckless plunges.

Why? Well, the chronically painful realities of divorce that involve children may be likened to having a chronic and debilitating illness like arthritis. Instead of periodic flare ups of painful inflammation of muscles and joints we are left dealing with periodic flare ups of our children’s painful struggles to come to terms with our divorces, flare ups of our own painful struggles to come to terms with divorce and episodic painful dealings with our divorced spouses. The evolution and stabilization of split off family units do not come about without mourning obsolete family uni...

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