Gay Lesbian Issues Counseling Category
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Establishing Healthy LGBT Relationships
There is a stereotype that LGBT persons don't desire long-term, meaningful relationships‑that we would rather experience an...
Counselling in the Community
When people ask me:” at what point shall I seek counseling?” I tell them: “if you feel like you are not as ...
The Molecular Weight of Secrets...
May 9, 2013 It is a beautiful Spring day in Portland, Oregon. I turn in my chair to look out the big skylight in my office. ...
Should your beliefs or values matter when choosing a therapist?
In today’s society everyone is looking for a way to ‘fix’ their problems. However, the role of the therapis...
Help! My teens drug addiction is destroying our family
Being a teenager in todays society is hard enough with all of the added societal pressure, demands to suceed in school, peer ...
If you aren't happy, but know what makes you happy, you’re already halfway there. Your challenge is to figure out why you aren't doing the things that make you happy and start doing them. This could include an activity, spending time with others or having “me time.” If you can't figure out what makes you happy, you face a difficult, but not insurmountable, challenge.
Why Am I Unhappy?
Even when people don't know what makes them happy, they tend to know what is making them unhappy. There are usually one or two major life stressors to blame, but there are usually many sub-stressors that they might not even be aware of. It might be helpful to list all your stressors and spend the day being mindful of them. Which items on the list can you do something about? Focus on those.
Do I Deserve to Be Happy?
Why would anyone not want to be happy? They may be afraid of change, the unknown, or the possibility of failure. Sometimes the biggest obstacle is an underlying belief that on...
Many of my clients who are struggling with their sexuality or gender identity feel a sense of obligation to fit in one of the predefined categories. It usually arises from an internalized belief that if we don’t have a label to describe an essential aspect of our being, that we are somehow defective, antisocial or just deliberately trying to aggravate others.
The external pressure often comes from both the queer and straight community, and the internal pressure is often ingrained in us from an early age, simply by observing the way society represents itself.
Don't buy into it. Sexuality and gender identity are not always easily defined, nor do they need to be. Those who are experimenting, questioning, in transition, or simply do not want to be labeled have a right to be accepted as who they are, whether others understand or not. Societal norms are little more than an ever-changing artificial set of rules.
Be who you are and love yourself for it.
When planning your wedding, don’t forget to plan your marriage. Pre-marital planning includes, but goes beyond, figuring out the mechanics of the marriage. It involves developing a deeper level of personal insight, a better understanding of your finances and of the relationship itself. You can avoid nasty surprises later on by learning about and addressing discrepancies in your and your partner’s expectations for the future before tying the knot. Make sure you discuss the following:
1. Communication. Give yourself and your fiancé permission to discuss concerns even if you’re afraid it will hurt the other’s feelings or result in an argument. Conflict is good. It gives us the opportunity to practice problem solving. Agree on rules for arguing which should include no name-calling, threats or idle ultimatums. When you argue, be honest with yourself about whether your goal is to resolve an issue or win an argument. Avoid mind reading. No matter how convinced ...
There is a stereotype that LGBT persons don't desire long-term, meaningful relationships‑that we would rather experience an endless series of hookups and friends-with-benefits with nothing more. This couldn’t be further from the truth. However, finding someone who is compatible and who is willing to work together through the bad times as well as the good isn't easy.
When you first meet someone there can be a real mutual attraction. You might share interests, enjoy each other’s company and believe the relationship has real potential. They may ask to see you again. All signs seem positive, you feel hopeful, and you might even let yourself fanaticize about a future together.
Over the next few days or weeks, you keep in touch frequently: texting, calling, Skyping or emailing. Then suddenly you hit the brick wall. No callbacks, no texts, no emails, they “unfriend” you on Facebook, and you never hear from them again. There is no way to find out why they disappeare...
Everyone wants that perfect relationship, don't they? It seems that with all the images of intimacy and romance that are thrown around it should be easy. Just follow the formula (if you can) and you will have what you want. From movies to TV shows, advertising to the conversations at the water cooler, it seems there is a collective understanding that once you find The One, your trials and tribulations will be over.
Yet somehow this just doesn't account for the ever rising divorce rate, the increase in depression and anxiety disorders, and increased expenditures on weight loss and appearance enhancing products and services. Could it be that corporations have figured out how to sell a lie? And could it be that this lie is something we have bought into as a society?
Relationships are tough and often painful. Not just when they end, mind you, but the really good ones are painful in the very midst of them. In fact, they have to be, if they are going to be worth anything to us and give us ...
So the next step in my blog about Modern Amazons. I said that I would start to focus more on the different people I thought should be in every woman's tribe. The very first position in an Amazon Tribe is the Queen aka. YOU! How can you have a tribe if you don't get it together? This doesn't mean you get to walk around ordering people to wash your unmentionables and cook you your favorite chicken cordon bleu. But you have the right and responsibility to yourself to remove the poisonous people from your life, help the people who need your help, and cherish the people who give of themselves everyday for you.
I am all about EVERYDAY CELEBRATIONS, celebrate the people in your life! I know that everyday I have something positive that I can tell the women in my life. This could be your mom, best friend, co-worker, or even your little princess pooch. When you treat women like the important people that you want and need in your tribe- they will start treating you like a queen: with love, respe...
I think women are fascinating!! Now don't get me wrong I think that men are awesome and great people to have in our lives. For some women though men become their world, their universe, what they hang alll their dreams on. One of the things that I have noticed in my counseling though is the dynamics that we have as women and then the dynamic relationships we have with the women around us. So often I hear young women say, "I don't like girls-they are too much drama!" No! What happens is that the different relationships we have with women go sour. When you break up with your most recent partner who is there for you? You best friend? your sister? your grandma? It is so infrequently that we as women turn to men to help us and support us with our emotional needs.
I'm going to make a quick reference back to a book I read some time ago. It was Kelly Cutrone's book If You Have to Cry Go Outside: and other things your mother never told you. True there is some gritty parts of her book as well as...
Did you ever find yourself in a situation where, if it did not go your way it felt like the end of the world? I used to be that way about my sports teams. I'm a very big Notre Dame fan and following them this year has been fun. Especially since I've learned to be okay with the alternative-losing. My approach toward win or lose situations has changed. I now say to myself that while it would be nice to have things turn out my way (win), it is okay if I don't (lose). I still try to "win" but because I have already accepted the alternative, I win even if I've lost!
50 Shades of Orgasm
I didn’t have any when I was a child, I didn’t even know what it meant. No one ever said anything about rubbing up against things or some of the other methods I have heard of since, and I certainly didn’t touch myself – that too was unheard of in my family! Now I know there are lots of sizes and flavors and levels of intensity. My earliest and only “sexual” memory from childhood was a girl friend and I playing doctor with scotch tape and our pants down. We were caught and shamed by her mom. We were maybe about six.
At 11 years old, I began bleeding and had NO idea what was happening. My mom saw me cleaning up my underwear and brought in a book, an elastic belt, and a box of pads. In a scolding voice, she said, “Now, don’t let any boys touch you!”
What was that supposed to mean? I knew a boy I liked (I still know him) and when I told him what she said, we decided to touch little fingers and see if that would br...
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. This awareness works in combination with breast cancer awareness (also this month), as both are significant issues affecting women. Check out the events in your community and see what you can learn about intimate partner abuse, historically referred to Domestic Violence. Avon, Mary Kay Cosmetics are two companies working actively to eradicate partner abuse. Purchases with either or both companies this month are offering options for a portion of proceeds to go toward prevention and healing of women harmed by partner abuse. Do something positive for yourself and your community today!
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