LGBT Counseling Category

Be You!

Trying to be authentic in this world can be hard. We feel pressured to conform…even by such simple questions as “How are you doing today?” – which we often answer with a pasted on smile and the word “Fine”. Some of us work in jobs we hate, fearful of what it would mean, what people would think, and how we would get by, if we changed careers. People in their 40′s and 50′s realize that they have much they still want to do, contemplate making changes, but don’t make them because they’re fearful that they will be seen as going through a “mid-life crisis” – a patronizing, and simplistic concept. Others are fearful to express their sexuality whether it is a same-sex attraction or a BDSM desire. And some present themselves as a gender that they know they really aren’t. Of course, the list goes on; I’m sure you could add your own ways in which you feel coerced into “fitting in.”


The pressure...

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The Trouble with Passing

For many transgender people, particularly those who identify on the gender binary, “passing” is of particular importance. And this makes a lot of sense to me. I understand the very real concerns about people on the streets, at the job, or in a restroom recognizing you as transgender. There can be powerful, negative repercussions when that happens. Unfortunately, we see this all the time and even have an annual day of mourning to those whose lives are lost due to the fear and hatred of others. However, I have seen in my work that passing also comes with some troubles.


I have met quite a few trans folk who “pass” very well. No one knows about their natal sex or assigned gender. And these folk integrate quite well into the cisgender world. In fact, some integrate so well, that very few people know about their transition or their life story. And this is where the trouble sometimes lies.
When know one knows about your transgender identity, who do you talk to about th...

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This Holiday Give Yourself and Your Partner the Gift of your Presence

So much of the holidays can be taken up with the busy stuff of gift buying, travel plans, and food and festivity preparations that we’re often left exhausted and depleted. It’s easy to forget what the holidays are fundamentally about: to connect and be with family, friends and loved ones. This holiday, offer the gift of your presence to both yourself and your loved ones.

What do I mean by “the gift of your presence”?
Simply put, being present is about being a human being as opposed to a human doing. It’s about being with yourself or your partner instead of busily doing something with your mind elsewhere. You can also practice being really present while doing something fun with your partner. For instance, you could be on a bike ride with your love, enjoying and participating in the experience, giving both your partner and yourself the gift of your full presence. On the other hand, you could be on that bike ride with your mind a million miles away, thinking ...

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Best Hopes for Today? LGBT Couples

Simply stated and incredibly breathtaking what that question can evoke.

I have seen it invite 50 minutes of couples falling back in love. I strive to offer my clients this empowering starting point!

As they sit in apprehension of changing something that looks so broken; I see the POSSIBILITIES. In a LGBT relationship the support might look different from heterosexual friends. I see one of the most difficult challenges of the LGBT community as having problems. Many times when a problem arises family members, work connections, or others who might not see the relationship as real are quick to only see one best hope. Letting it go. Over coming issues as a couple is hard enough, add same-sex and you have to be extra diligent about nurturing the connection between partners.

What are you willing to see as possible?

~ When I ask this, the responsibility is placed with the client. WHAT? They are responsible. Yes. As a counselor, I can not make you want to be willing. I can help you find th...

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It's Not the End of the World

Did you ever find yourself in a situation where, if it did not go your way it felt like the end of the world? I used to be that way about my sports teams. I'm a very big Notre Dame fan and following them this year has been fun. Especially since I've learned to be okay with the alternative-losing. My approach toward win or lose situations has changed. I now say to myself that while it would be nice to have things turn out my way (win), it is okay if I don't (lose). I still try to "win" but because I have already accepted the alternative, I win even if I've lost!

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50 Shades of Orgasm

50 Shades of Orgasm

I didn’t have any when I was a child, I didn’t even know what it meant. No one ever said anything about rubbing up against things or some of the other methods I have heard of since, and I certainly didn’t touch myself – that too was unheard of in my family! Now I know there are lots of sizes and flavors and levels of intensity. My earliest and only “sexual” memory from childhood was a girl friend and I playing doctor with scotch tape and our pants down. We were caught and shamed by her mom. We were maybe about six.

At 11 years old, I began bleeding and had NO idea what was happening. My mom saw me cleaning up my underwear and brought in a book, an elastic belt, and a box of pads. In a scolding voice, she said, “Now, don’t let any boys touch you!”

What was that supposed to mean? I knew a boy I liked (I still know him) and when I told him what she said, we decided to touch little fingers and see if that would br...

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Domestic Violence Awareness

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. This awareness works in combination with breast cancer awareness (also this month), as both are significant issues affecting women. Check out the events in your community and see what you can learn about intimate partner abuse, historically referred to Domestic Violence. Avon, Mary Kay Cosmetics are two companies working actively to eradicate partner abuse. Purchases with either or both companies this month are offering options for a portion of proceeds to go toward prevention and healing of women harmed by partner abuse. Do something positive for yourself and your community today!

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Fall Awakening, Transcending Talk-Therapy: see new blog and events

I’m excited to share my new book, Focalizing Source Energy, to be released this fall.  This small book explains how many clients, colleagues, and workshop participants are transcending talk-therapy (as we have known it) with a no-shame, no-blame, right-here, right-now healing approach that is body/energy oriented. If you want to discover what will make your life happier, while giving it meaning and purpose, you’ll love the new book.

To celebrate this new release, my previous two books are being offered for FREE for the FIRST FIVE DAYS after the updated 2012 eBook formats are complete over the next few weeks.  They will sell for a very reasonable price, but you can take advantage of the free offer if you’re on this e-mailing list, so stay tuned for that.

The new book will coincide with a series of classes and workshops: Getting Unstuck & Finding New Ground: Focalizing – Going Within to Move Beyond (click bold for ...

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A Magical S.E.X. Experience

Last week, I co-led a five-day retreat w/Claes Lilja (founder of Brotherhood Retreats) for HIV positive gay men from around the globe. Having previously facilitated numerous retreats, this one had some special ingredients that I am still happily digesting.


My contributions to the group were primarily in the areas of Disease Transformation (click to read article) and Sexuality & Sacred Sex. For the latter, we approached healing the obstruction many find between their sexual and love energies by shifting what we know about sex. We explored it through the lens of S.E.X. (Soul Energy eXchange), agreeing on a definition of “soul” and defining the four primary energies exchanged: Love, Pleasure, Lingam (active), and Yoni (receptive).


In a process of healing touch (with clothes on) led by Claes we experienced the restorative circle of love energy that is present when lingam and yoni are consciously exchanged. This reframing of sex was fascinating to the participants, and I wa...

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