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Catastrophizing - 5 Steps to Calming Calamity
Catastrophizing - 5 Steps to Calming Calamity (part 2)Suggestions to help limit catastrophizing and to alleviate self-destruc...
Your Choices and Meditation
You go through life automatically, not feeling quite right but not knowing why. You go to a job you hate, come home, make din...
5 Tips For Parenting Adolescents: Part 4
By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC In part three of the series, we took on the difficult challenge of letting go of control. In this ...
Disappointment: How does it Happen?
What are some examples people have reported of experiences that led to feelings of ‘disappointment?” 1- a ...
Nine Charactertistics of Anger Behavior
Characteristics of Anger Behavior: You don’t own or state your feelings directly—you slam doors, call people n...
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Too often people view time as a dangerous enemy. When time is actually waiting to befriend us. It's not uncommon to hear comments like, "I killed some time..." I recently asked a friend why he habitually arrived at movie theaters only minutes before the movie begins. He said that if he arrived any earlier he might not have anything to say to his wife. Then adding, "what would we do?" The word "do" implies action. The need for structure. Guidelines. Distractions. Predictability. Slowing down is perceived as a threat because it is unfamiliar and change can usher in anxiety. A kind of stage-fright or the "gap between now and later," as Dr. Fritz Pearls described it. Our zeitgeist which promotes easy distraction and quick fixes is no help at all.
However, it is by slowing down to take a stroll or to reflect that stretches and informs us. Our feelings serve as a conduit to clarifying our needs. It's far easier to get your needs met if you know what they are. Also, being passionate and trul...
The Ice Bucket Challenge
If you have a social media account, or have been watching the news lately, then you have probably heard about the Ice Bucket Challenge. The Ice Bucket Challenge, is part of an awareness campaign to inform people about ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis), also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, and encouraging them to donate to the cause.
The popular trend began around the beginning of August, and has seen millions of people participate, including celebrities and politicians. People choose to either dump a bucket of ice water over their head, or donate $100 to the ALS Association, some do both. These participants then challenge a few of their friends to do the same, thus continuing the chain. This campaign has gained worldwide popularity, and according to the ALS Association, has raised $31.5 million in donations, compared to the $1.9 million they received in the same time period last year (1).
In addition to the donations received, perhaps one of the most ...
Catastrophizing - 5 Steps to Calming Calamity (part 2)
Suggestions to help limit catastrophizing and to alleviate self-destructive tendencies.
(Part I of Catastrophizing, What If…@ alexxehelp.com)
If you were catastrophizing, would you recognize it? Could you spot catastrophizing in someone else? If you don’t know you’re doing it, you won’t be able to stop. Dr. John Grohol recommends recording negative thoughts on paper and to write down what happened as objectively as possible, what you thought about the situation, and then what your reaction or behaviors were.
Over a week’s time, you’ll begin to see a pattern emerge of when you’re most likely to catastrophize and some of the thoughts or situations that most likely lead to it.
Now (looking at your negative thoughts recordings) that you can see some of the direct cause and effects of your thoughts, you can begin the process of steering your thoughts in a healthy direction.* Stopp...
You go through life automatically, not feeling quite right but not knowing why. You go to a job you hate, come home, make dinner, watch TV, and start all over again, waiting for your vacation to forget the emptiness of your life for one or two weeks. And you ask yourself, “This can’t be all there is”. And you’re right…this isn’t all there is. And, believe it or not, you always have a choice to continue to live on automatic pilot or to make the effort to become more aware of who you are and what you really want.
Socrates is reported to have said, “The unexamined life is not worth living for a human being”. Mindfulness is a powerful tool for becoming aware of our own thought processes and, eventually, of your erroneous beliefs. Daily meditation helps to quiet the body and mind and reconnect with your heart and its yearnings. While this can be scary, the rewards are unestimable. There is always the risk that this increased awareness will b...
The most difficult thing in the world for many of you is to love yourself. No matter what your issues might be: Addictions, emotional eating, impulse control issues, anger, depression, intense unexplained sadness…you carry with you an inner condemnation of who you are and of your intrinsic goodness. Your self-talk reflects that lack of self-acceptance. You tell yourself, “I should have done this, I’m an idiot”, “Why can’t I get it together once and for all? What’s wrong with me?” “Why bother trying? I’m going to fail anyway. I always do”.
Every time you set a goal for yourself and you do not follow through, you beat yourself up. If you talked to your friends in the same way as you talk to yourself, you wouldn’t have any friends left. You condemn yourself for past behaviours, carry guilt, regret and resentment like badges of honour. “At least if I feel guilty,” you tell yourself, “that shows that...
By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC
I don’t mean to stereotype (too much), but do you think that husbands or boyfriends come in “types”? Although I not a fan of labeling people, I do believe that there are categories of issues that people struggle with. And by taking a look at and understanding a type, which in this case is just a description of a cluster of issues, we can gain perspective on our spouse and we can learn how to be involved in their lives in more helpful ways. My goal is not to start a bash-fest on certain husbands, but rather to equip wives (and girlfriends) to be able to engage with their partner in a way that moves him towards his best self. You see, it is true that you cannot change another person directly and that we cannot control people. But, it is like my friend says to me, “Yes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink it. But you can sweeten the water.” Let’s see if we can understand what would be ways to influe...
Cell Phones and Relationships
Time Together & Apart
Both the quantity and quality of time we spend together influence the well being of our friendships, family interactions and intimate relationships. Spending time apart, participating in other activities is also of great value and influences a relationship, especially a romantic one. A healthy relationship needs balance: time to interact with family, friends, colleagues, self and definitely quality time with your significant other. Balance in the relationship is a necessary rung toward success.
Researchers from the University of Essex found that people who engaged in personal discussions when a cell phone was nearby, even if neither was actually using it, reported lower relationship quality and less trust for their partner. They also felt that their partner was less empathic to their concerns (Kerner, 2013). Among the complaints: “he doesn’t look at me when I’m talking;“ “she’s always nagging...
When I talk to people about meditation or how to be “mindful,” I often hear “I can’t do it”, “its too difficult” or “I can’t focus long enough to do it right.” It is called a “practice” for a reason! You can’t expect to try it once and feel like it won’t work for you. It is something that involves lifelong practice and just like anything new, it gets easier the more you do it. The key is not to judge yourself when thoughts begin to filter in your mind. Recognize them and let them go. Gradually you will find that fewer and fewer thoughts enter your mind during meditation. The great part of meditation is there is a number of ways to engage with it. This increases your chances of finding a way that works for you. Guided visualization is the easiest way for beginners to start because you can put on your headphones, close your eyes and follow the imaginary journey given to you.
Another way is to...
Getting to Know You?!™
By David I. Brandt, LCSW
"A man must eat a peck of salt with his friend, before he knows him.” Miguel De Cervantes
And that is A LOT of salt! It takes time to really know if someone will become a friend or not (or a lover or not). Too often we impulsively jump into a relationship, whether out of desperation, fear of being alone, insecurity, and/or over-exuberance - only to find that we actually had very little on which to base the relationship. We were really living out some projection, vision or fantasy in our heads. It takes time to allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, which is what we need to do in order to grow and evolve greater intimacy. One cannot rush this process!!!
Additionally, getting to really know someone takes work at times and is definitely NOT all fun and games. Part of eating a lot of “salt” together is, indeed, taking the time needed to learn about our interactional dynamics and styles and then learnin...
Join Rev. Tracy L. Cox, B. Msc., IMM for a guided meditation designed to help you achieve your healthy weight goals. A discussion about how meditation can help us in all areas of life will be followed by a complete guided meditation for health, prosperity and happiness, including affirmations for healthy weight loss. Rev. Tracy is a Ordained Minister and Pastoral Care provider who services clients worldwide from her Aurora Ontario Chapel. Please see her website at www.divineheartcentre.ca for more information. Connect to Source!
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