Life Coaching Category

Taking time

Too often people view time as a dangerous enemy. When time is actually waiting to befriend us. It's not uncommon to hear comments like, "I killed some time..." I recently asked a friend why he habitually arrived at movie theaters only minutes before the movie begins. He said that if he arrived any earlier he might not have anything to say to his wife. Then adding, "what would we do?" The word "do" implies action. The need for structure. Guidelines. Distractions. Predictability. Slowing down is perceived as a threat because it is unfamiliar and change can usher in anxiety. A kind of stage-fright or the "gap between now and later," as Dr. Fritz Pearls described it. Our zeitgeist which promotes easy distraction and quick fixes is no help at all.

However, it is by slowing down to take a stroll or to reflect that stretches and informs us. Our feelings serve as a conduit to clarifying our needs. It's far easier to get your needs met if you know what they are. Also, being passionate and trul...

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The power of choice

We all have choices. Each day we are faced with a myriad of choices from when to get up in the morning, to what to wear and how we spend our time daily. Many choices are small ones with little significance. However, there are choices that have big consequences. If we don't stop and think we can make a choice that can alter the course of our lives forever. I was watching the show Lisa Ling had on Teen Mothers. One girl got pregnant at 14, decided to have her baby. You would think she would've learned her lesson but then she got pregnant at 16 and now has two kids. She made the choice to stop her birth control. Imagine being 17 years old and having two kids under 4. What an overwhelming experience. The choice to not protect herself and use birth control totally altered the course of her life.

Impulsive decisions can cause great consequences. It is so important to really focus and reflect on what you want out of your life and for your future. Write down your long term goals and list the ...

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Therapy with Gay Male Clients: Why It 'Takes One to Know One'

Many therapists enjoy working with gay male clients.  After all, we tend to be middle-class (or higher) professionals who have health insurance that partially covers the cost of therapy or be in well-compensated jobs, and we tend to be "well-behaved" clients who show up, pay our fees, do the work, and even dress nicely.  So it's only natural that many straight therapists would want this type of client in their practice.  

The problem is, there can be distinct disadvantages when even the most well-meaning straight therapists attempt to provide therapy for gay male clients, and distinct advantages to working with a therapist who is a fellow gay man.  Making the matter even more difficult is that oftentimes straight therapists "don't know what they don't know."  Far too often, I hear stories from my gay male clients who have worked with previous (straight, male or female) therapists who don't entirely "get it".  For example, they might not know about or unde...

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Fitting In

Even as adults, we strive to feel like we fit in somewhere. Whether career wise or with a group of friends, we want to feel included and feel like we matter as individuals. When this is threatened, our defenses can come up and cause conflicts. Seeing others as part of a group and you are not, can make you feel hurt when you are not accepted. You might feel that this is a knock on who you are as a person and that you are simply not “good enough” for who you are. It can be taken as a personal assault on your character and the result can be feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety.

How do you overcome the feeling of not fitting in and being left out? First, recognize that it is not necessarily related to a personal flaw in your character or something that you did. It could be a number of reasons that a group has left you out. They may be a shallow group who have a sense of superiority and only include who they feel meets some standard (whatever that may be). It may be that...

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Stagnation and Learning To Move On

For many the past is something that plays a major role in who we are today. Often times we find ourselves repeating the mistakes of our past, leaving us stuck. Yesterday is what was, tomorrow is where we see ourselves going and today is the day you implement the changes in order to grow. So ask yourself what stage of the process are you in? Once you can determine where you are in this process you can then begin to figure out where you are headed. We all get lost along the way, the key is to keep moving, so as not to become stagnate. The solution to "Stagnation" is learning to move on; which is influenced by the following three things that hold us back: grudges, broken hearts and the inability to have accountability. So the real question is how do you forgive? You simply follow the famous motto of NIKE and "JUST DO IT". Second, how do you heal a broken heart? The process of healing a broken heart takes patience, self-love and time AND is something not to be rushed through. And thir...

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THE JOURNEY CONTINUES, ACCOUNTABILITY...SO SIMPLE, YET SO COMPLICATED, YET SO NECESSARY: Accountability is something that is so simple yet so complicated. When we hold ourselves accountable for our actions and “face the music” we find that we are growing leaps and bounds b/c we are finally able to be honest with ourselves. Ask yourself how often you take responsibility for your words and actions? How often do you find yourself regretting things you have said or done? How often do you want to snatch the words you just spoke out of thin air and wipe clean the memories of those that heard your ill spoken words? How often have you wanted to just disappear after behaving a particular way? If you can answer yes to at least one of these, then you know that there is work to be done. And owning up to your actions and words is the first step of accountability. The Journey of Self-Discovery is ongoing and never ending b/c we are forever evolving and discovering & re-discovering who ...

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When you have been hurt and it feels like you cannot go on, and find yourself questioning your ability to survive; you must bounce back and be stronger and better than ever. It is almost like learning how to fly with one wing, b/c once your heart has been broken, you often are never the same and there are times when you feel you will never be whole again. There are things in our lives that can leave us standing on shaky ground and feeling like we have no direction. It is at these times that we have to look within ourselves and re-discover who and what we really are and where we stand. Situations can make, break, mold, inspire determination, give way to change for the better or place you in a position to receive the blessings that are meant just for you. When going through we often cannot see the rainbow on the other side. We often hold onto the anger, pain and resentment caused by our current situation. We do not want to forgive, we do not want to continue on the path of the journey of ...

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Often times we lose sight of what is truly important in our lives. We forget that life is meant to be lived to it’s fullest potential, that we are to love at all cost and that we are to forgive for our own redemption. When we hold onto grudges we allow others to dictate the quality of our life, our self-worth and our love for others. We often forget that life is short and that each day we rise is a blessing. Many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one and felt the emptiness that their death caused in our lives. We often say, “If i had only”, “I should have”, “I could have been” or “I wish I would have” because of bitterness, anger or grudges that we held onto. So what do we make of all this? Do we hold onto bitterness and grudges at the expense of our own happiness? Do we forgive with conditions? Do we wait until we receive that fatal call? Do we allow the quality of our life to be less than what it is meant to be? Or do we ...

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Even when it seems impossible it is still possible, you are simply overwhelmed and need to replenish your spirit so that your mind and body can be feed.” We often feel overwhelmed in times of high stress, high activity and big changes. When overwhelmed we tend to re-act and not retreat. It is important to re-treat vs re-act b/c we need time alone to digest what it is we are experiencing in order to respond appropriately. We need time to re-group and re-evaluate what led us to this point. The impossible is always possible, we just have to trust and believe that we are capable of making it through and getting to the other side. So ask yourself, “Am I going through something that I see no possible way to get through it or overcome the obstacle that stands before me?” Your answer should always be “No”, because nothing is impossible to overcome or get through. We just need to be patient, be diligent, resilient and steadfast.

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“Getting the mind, body and spirit to operate in unison.” Often we find ourselves stuck, we wonder where we are, how we got there and how do we move on. We rack our brains trying to figure out the best way to become unstuck, all the while trying to maintain some semblance of a “normal” life. When faced with moments like these we must re-evaluate our actions and take out the necessary time to figure out where and who we want to be. Once you have re-evaluated the choices that led you to this current state of uneasiness, you must then begin to re-structure your life. Hard, yes. Doable, absolutely. Re-structuring encompasses letting go, re-building what is torn and creating new opportunities for growth. As you begin to navigate your way through this phase of your journey you will find yourself feeling anew. It is then that you will come to realize that your mind, body and spirit are now operating in unison.

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