Marriage And Family Counseling Category

Couples and Marriage Counseling

When a couple comes in for counseling together, it usually means that they would like to find out if they can repair the relationship. For one thing, that means learning better communication. How do you learn to communicate well with your significant other? Each person will discover in the therapy sessions what “triggers” each other’s anger response. That is, we explore how much of it is ‘projection’ (e.g., he/she reminds you of someone in the past (perhaps a parent) and how much of it is real. It is usually a combination of both.

If one or both of you feel the relationship cannot work anymore, then the therapy will bring out why, and the validity of this will either be confirmed or transformed into a better relationship. Thus, the decision will become evident.

Each of the partners will explore who his/her partner reminds him of, and each will assess one’s own reactions to his/her partner. To optimize this process, role playing will be used in the mod...

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What to do when your spouse/partner won't come to counseling with you?

Are you someone who values your relationship and wants a loving and commited soul mate and partnership? You don't want to get divorced and start over or leave your partner, but no matter how many times you bring it up, your partner refuses to go to counseling with you.  Have you heard from well meaning friends or even therapists, "if he or she won't go to therapy with you, then they just aren't committed to the relationship"?  You are not alone, many people have spouses who will not go to couples counseling with them.  So does that mean you are left with the undesirable choices to either tolerate an unpleasant and unsatisfying relationship or make the difficult decision to leave?

The good news is that you CAN make changes to your relationship by attending counseling without your partner.  In my expereince as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in work with couples, I have seen individuals come in who are highly motivated to improve their relati...

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On Marriage

Have you ever wondered why people get married? It’s no longer a necessity in modern day, so why is that piece of paper still so important to some of us? Why do people get married in the first place? There are a number of different reasons that people marry. Only you can decide if it’s right for you. It is certainly beneficial and respectful to the commitment of marriage that two people enter the union with their eyes open. Marriages that are born on faulty ground can be doomed before the ceremony. The following reasons to get married are in themselves, not enough to ensure the best beginning in planting the seed that we all hope will grow into a lasting relationship. If that’s what you’re working toward, the following list may be warning signs that that readiness and rightness are not adequate and that you might not be quite prepared to have a relationship built on a solid foundation.

On Marriage - Have you ever wondered why people get married? It’s no lo...

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Pack (after divorce) with Emotional Care

By Nancy Fagan, The Divorce Help Clinic LLC™

By nature, women are nesters and work hard to make their house a home. When divorce happens, the process of dismantling personal effects, carefully gathered and arranged through the years can be heart wrenching.

Packing stirs up feelings of loss surrounding the dreams of a life together that have ended. This can be a traumatic experience not only for you, but also for everyone in the family. Not only is the home being lost, all the items of familiar comfort are being divided. In its place, shattered dreams and the lack of emotional safety and security fill the space. Packing under these conditions requires thoughtful and deliberate steps. Following the tips below will make the process a little easier.

Inventory Agreement. Prior to packing, generate a list of household items that you plan to take. Have your husband review the list and sign the bottom of the page to show that he is in agreement. If there is any thing under question, n...

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It takes courage to look inside

When I think of all of the patients I have worked with over the years I think of all that they have accomplished through the trusting relationship we were able to create.  I know how much courage it takes to look inside oneself and learn how to shine light into those dark places.  In a recent conversation with a patient she was struggling with why she continued to have the same negative thoughts.  I validated her feelings and supported her emotionally and as I sat there with her she eventually blurted out (much to her surprise) what the real problem was.  I heard the pain and we worked on the negative belief.  She showed great courage in continuing to work on the issues instead of running away or hiding as she had done in the past.  It was amazing to be with her through this and to see the strong capapble woman she was.  It reall does take a lot of courage to go inside.

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The Impact of Stress on Relationships

Dr Pamela Brewer talks with Maryland Psychotherapist Rodney Orders about the impact of stress on relationships. Stress, particularly chronic stress, can be a powerful predictor of physical and mental health - learn more about this often overlooked experience that impacts the lives of so many.

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The Investigation

One of the saddest rewards of greatness is an individual who will deliberately seek out your flaws, only to avoid someone discovering theirs. This is the nature of leadership bruised by being overweight or the need to over achieve and this sadness goes on in the church. When someone with a legitimate gift and calling comes on the scene and is recognized by the Chief Apostle of the house, CEO of a solid Fortune 500 company, all of a sudden, the elders are nervous, the assistant pastor now needs to investigate your documents and apostolic succession to make sure you are known by someone other than the credentials you hold, and the executive V.P. goes out of his way to misdirect you from any and all meetings, forgetting that you have the pipeline of favor and are well liked by the CFO in charge of a business venture that has been out of reach. For all intended purposes, some of this is truly needed. But when you’re an educated Man\Woman, Rev.Dr./Newly Degreed, Partner in the states m...

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Tangos Of Debt Accumulation: What Are They Worth?

Watch Jane or Bob max out on their credit cards. Is that their partner Jim or Mary registering a half hearted protest? Listen to Spot bark and scratch his neck in befuddlement when Jim or Mary pay off the abused credit cards and then, look stunned when the sun rises on another spending spree? Was Spot’s ears playing tricks on him when after one of Jane or Bob’s rants about their partners not contributing enough to their respective households, they agreed to take out loans to renovate their kitchens? Could it be that this actually came out of Jim and Mary’s mouths; the same Jim and Mary who are in charge of the finances and know full well they will once again have to rob Peter to pay Paul this month? Did Spot really hear Jim and Mary say to Jane and Bob after screaming at Jane and Bob about their impulsive and excessive spending: “Don’t worry about the finances I’ve got matters under control?”

There is something definitely wrong with these pict...

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MARRIAGE - What it IS and what is ISN'T

MARRIAGE – What it IS and what is ISN’T

Marriage is not a net to catch a moving target.

Marriage is the answer to THIS question: When I give you everything I have and you give me everything I need, I give you all of me.

ANY of these --- are warning signs, not green lights. The negatives often become amplified. 1) if's... 2) "okay, I changed my mind, again." 3) Uncertainty (Once you're mine, I can handle this. Because I don't trust you enough now or have enough confidence in my ability to make this work, unless I have a contract, so I KNOW that you are MINE) 4) Belief that marriage is a FIX 5) if you marry me, i will become [confident, trusting, someone i'm not now...] 6) manipulation 7) control 8) Ultimatums

If it's not good enough now ...and getting better everyday. That's not gonna change in a positive way when there's a fence (marriage) to keep you. Marriage, like money, can amplify what's already there. If there is uncertainty, manipulative and controlling behaviors...

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How strong is your relationship?

Relationships come in a vast variety. Some are for business, pleasure, or intimacy. A healthy relationship, whatever the type, needs to consist of trust and respect; otherwise, it is flawed and due to hurt someone. An intimate relationship HAS to have 3 factors: Trust, Respect, and Love. Love is what usually draws 2 people into an intimate relationship. But if trust or respect are not well developed, the relationship will become unhealthy and one or more will be hurt. When you love someone, ask yourself if you feel trusted and respected and whether you trust and respect the other. 

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