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Alcohol and Drug Addiction Stage One
Alcohol and Drug Addiction- Stage One During the initial stage of addiction the addicts' character is permanently altered. T...
Parenting is Climate Control
Parenting is Climate Control Blog posted September 21, 2013 Summer is almost over and the school year has already begun. Mos...
Addiction is a Family Affair
Thirty years ago, I was introduced recovery. It was not long after my 27th birthday. Because I come from generations of famil...
Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. L...
'Tis the Season
Although it is nicknamed the season of joy, many people can get a bit 'down' this time of year. Maybe it is the weather or th...
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So much of the holidays can be taken up with the busy stuff of gift buying, travel plans, and food and festivity preparations that we’re often left exhausted and depleted. It’s easy to forget what the holidays are fundamentally about: to connect and be with family, friends and loved ones. This holiday, offer the gift of your presence to both yourself and your loved ones.
What do I mean by “the gift of your presence”?
Simply put, being present is about being a human being as opposed to a human doing. It’s about being with yourself or your partner instead of busily doing something with your mind elsewhere. You can also practice being really present while doing something fun with your partner. For instance, you could be on a bike ride with your love, enjoying and participating in the experience, giving both your partner and yourself the gift of your full presence. On the other hand, you could be on that bike ride with your mind a million miles away, thinking ...
Think about how you feel in a game of tennis when you’ve delivered a non-returnable shot. (If you don’t play tennis regularly, you’ve probably seen the game often enough on television to be able to visualize the moment.) You’ve aimed just right and hit the ball with such power that your oppo-nent can only look on in bewilderment as it sails by out of reach.
That feeling of complete and utter success often carries over into other as-pects of your life, including the language you use to describe such success-es: you beat out a competitor, nail a contract, or blow one by the opposi-tion. Even reading these words can put you in touch with the visceral sat-isfaction that comes with such an overwhelming success.
Relationships can be thought of as a game, complete with its own rules. Here’s a tip: any time you feel that visceral satisfaction that comes from delivering a non-returnable shot, you’ve broken a rule and lost the point. If we push the tennis me...
When a man tells a friend that he is having trouble with his carburetor, he expects that the friend will either take a look at his car or recommend a qualified mechanic. He does not expect the friend to ask, “How are you feeling about that?” In general, a man will mention a problem only in or-der to seek assistance with it. From an early age, men are expected to fix things, take care of things, deal with things. Some of my clients. who have achieved considerable success as a result of their problem-solving skills, have difficulty understanding why these skills don’t serve them well in per-sonal relationships. They don’t see that when their partner complains about a problem with her boss, for example, the proper response is not “Here’s what you should do,” but “Tell me more about that.”
A number of women have told me that they often use conversation as a method for clarifying their thinking. The notion of talking through a prob-lem ...
"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life." - Richard Bach
I find it incredibly exciting and rewarding to offer Premarital Counselling as well as Wedding Ceremonies to my clients. I truly believe that bringing together Soulmates is a sacred responsibility, and I take my work very seriously. In my private life, I have been married for 15 years to my very own Soulmate, and we have been blessed with a wonderful life. I would consider it an honour to share my years of experience with you in preparation for your blessed event. I believe that every couple who desires to marry h...
Sometimes, something new happens, like a sought after job, relationship, or a new living space. It can feel so exciting.....like a fresh start. Maybe you make a resolution to be the person you want to be and never again feel or behave in certain ways. Some common things that people wish would disappear with a fresh start are….getting angry, depressed, eating too much, drinking, being dishonest in some way, etc…..the list goes on. The things that keep occurring even though we want them to go away are often REACTIONS to something. External things can feel easier to change than our old internal reactions.
At one time our reactions to others made a lot of sense. Shutting down, getting angry, self-soothing with food or substances might have been the best options available to us at that time. What was a reasonable reaction at one time may no longer be. It might actually be damaging current healthy relationships and opportunities. Learning how to recognize reactions that are no...
[From the Downtown Therapy blog]
I would be lying if years ago, upon hearing that a couple were considering relationship counselling, I didn’t hear a voice in the back of my head cry out: “Dead man walking!”. In other words, it seemed that couples therapy was the beginning of the end.
This is a bit of fatalism which is not helped by a dearth of positive examples in TV and film. North American society has lived under an implicit rule that admitting you need help is a sign of an underlying weakness of character. The reality is that, increasingly, couples are realizing that talking openly about their differences with a qualified therapist is in fact a marvellous way to discharge tension in the relationship.
When we enter a serious relationship, we bring our own ideas with us; ideas about money, sexual intimacy, communication, privacy. Many of these ideas are influenced by previous relationships. And sometimes, while individually each partner’s influences...
I would like to say that I am generally a “glass half full” kind of person. Not always but I can usually at least come around after a while and not let situations get the best of me. The challenge in general seems to be learning how to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I like to think that most people strive for this. However I have begun to notice in my practice as a therapist and also through general observation this philosophy is not always applied to the ones that we love.
How many times do we let circumstances beyond our control (including other people’s behavior and beliefs) get the best of us? And then we realize that there’s nothing to be done but adapt and move on so that’s what people do. But when it comes to the people that we care about, the expectation is that the other person should be the one adapting or changing. I have noticed that couples early in relationships are typically easy to forgive one another and chalk little quirks ...
One of the definitions Merriam Webster uses to define “perspective” is “the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/perspective). A simpler definition may just be “the way we view something or someone in relation to ourselves”. So many aspects of our lives are affected by our perspective that I believe it to be impossible to ignore. Gaining perspective to make life more pleasurable has long been the subject of common social sayings like making lemonade from lemons and positive attitudes changing everything. Losing perspective could lead to the loss of a job, close relationship or worse, sense of self. It seems generally accepted that having the “right” or “best” perspective on an issue or relationship can have a huge impact on its success.
So what is the right perspective to have? Is there really a “right” or “wrong” one for every i...
Ever wonder what intimacy really means? Wikipedia defines it as: "Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other."
An easier way to conceptualize Intimacy is by re-writing it as "Into Me See". It involves a transparency between two people that allows a person to be seen with all their strengths, their weaknesses, their faults and their insecurities.
It is what we all crave. We crave to be 'seen' by another! We want to be accepted for who we are and not what we do or look like. If we look at contemporary stories that are portrayed through books and movies, and particularly the movie Avatar, we can see the longing to be 'seen' by another. In this movie, the two main characters Jake Sully and Neytiri at first are plagued with tension, differences ...
I have read that we remember and hold on to negative comments and experiences much more readily than we do to positive ones. We need to build up a reservoir of positive feelings to combat the destructive power of negative experiences. And of course, this holds especially true in our relationships. The zinger delivered to us by our partner can really sting and hurt. Therefore, I am going to make a strong attempt to say at least five positive things to my spouse before I utter a negative comment. I am going to take note as to how this works in our life together. I will do this for the next three weeks and observe how it plays out in our relationship. I believe at a minimum, it can do no harm, and I have a feeling that it could have a beneficial effect. We shall see.
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