Relationship Counseling Category

When Polyamory Isn't for You

There’s been an interesting shift in a segment of society. Many people who are liberal and open minded have come to see polyamory as a more enlightened form of relationship – somehow more evolved than monogamy. They often think that it takes more work, requires better communication, and demands more self-awareness than monogamy. I don’t think there’s any scientific basis for this statement, though, to be sure, polyamory is quite different than monogamy in practice and relationship dynamics. I have nothing against polyamory – or monogamy. My stance is that people need to be in relationships that are right for them. However, this belief that polyamory is more enlightened can cause psychic pain to the person who’s not wired to be poly.

I have seen multiple couples where, later in the relationship, one of the partners finally understands themselves differently and feels safe enough to tell their partner that they’d like to open up the relationship...

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Manage Your Anger: Make Your Responses a Reflection of Your Character

A great way to manage anger is to decide not to get angry.  Sure it sounds easy, but easier said than done, right?  Well, maybe we need to look at it from a different angle.  Instead of chosing not to get angry, a choice of character may be more effective.  Since our thoughts directly influence our emotions, and our emotions directly influence our behavior, it stands to reason that we could control our behavior with our thoughts.  If only we could take the emotions out of the equation.  Yes, our emotions are important.  They may be valid and even acurate.  They may be so legitimate that we just have to defend them.  That is when we say something or do something that we will later regret.  What if we determined that instead of reacting to how we felt, we would choose to react to something different.  I mean that regardless of how we felt, legitimate or not, we would act in a way that we w...

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Have you been crushed by depression? Have you been in and out of it all of your life? Or has there been some situation or event that has triggered the depression? In any of these cases you may not know what to do to get out of it and lead a normal, happy life. In some cases you may have a vague feeling, or not a clue as to what has caused the depression.
Often there is unfinished business with someone from the past, or repressed feelings that are so painful and unable to bear unless you hid them away. How do we hide things from ourselves? It is by relegating them to the unconscious. Just because you block them out does not mean that they go away. Just the opposite! The unconscious is a part of your mind. It is where you place things that you do not want to look at, which is all too human. But just because you don’t think about these things consciously does not mean they are not there inside of you. In fact, when you are unconscious of something, it becomes bigger, growing in the d...

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My Loved One Won't Come to Therapy With Me

Often, a loved one refuses to consider going to therapy.  This can be painful if you are hoping that couple's work could be beneficial - almost like your partner wants to fail.  But this is seldom the case.

A loved one may not want to go to therapy with you for many reasons.  Here are three most common reasons I have heard:

1) They fear you want to bring them to treatment to "fix"what is wrong with them or to break up,

2) They worry that you are putting them into a situation where you already have a relationship with a therapist who will therefore be on your side, or

3) They think "Rocking the boat" with therapy will make things worse.  This is often the case if there are secrets or areas that cannot be spoken of in the relationship.

Here are three things you can do to support your partner to enter therapy with you:

1)  Ask your partner to support you - to be there for you by attending a session with you.  If they want, they then have the option to c...

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THE Key to a Long Term Marriage / Relationship

Ever wonder if there might be one amazing and powerful tool that you could apply to your relationship that would greatly increase the odds of success?

As a therapist I have help numerous couples navigate the challenges of being together long term.  Some time ago I created a tool I call 'The Business of Marriage' that has proven, time and time again, to short circuit big problems, and substantially increase the love and joy in a relationship.

'The Business of Marriage' is an communication tool that ensures small issues are dealt with BEFORE they become big issues.  It ensures those things that really matter are communicated, shared and decided upon using an agreed upon premise that reflects your your values and goals for the relationship.

Sound interesting?  For a more complete description and learn more go here:

At GenesisSquared Counselling and Psychotherapy we provide you with tools and strategies that help you make the ch...

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Legitimate Reason or Lame Excuse

Legitimate Reason or Lame Excuse


The distinguishing factor of what separates reasons from excuses is the allocation of accountability. An excuse is a faultfinding attempt to get yourself “off the hook” for something that you did or didn't do. A reason, on the other hand, is presented with integrity and describes the circumstances, action or situation without any attempt to escape blame or avoid consequences. Generally excuses are deceptive behavior and are a red flag on a spiked flagpole. Reasons include honesty and are built on trust and mutual respect, necessary components for good relations.


Using excuses habitually, being defensive and intertwining those ‘tiny little exaggerations’ into your explanations can undermine a friendship and weaken the value of your word; the essence of who you are and how you’re perceived. For many, excuses are defense mechanisms not born of malice. Others are aware of, on some level, th...

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How Do You Show Love??

How do you show your partner love in a way that maintains a feeling of intimacy and connection in your relationship or marriage? How do you need to recieve love? We often attempt to show our loved ones love in ways that we would like to receive love rather than the way they recognize and receive love. Once you understand they ways they need to be shown love, you can change your patterns in the relationship. Visiting a Relationship Counsellor can provide the opportunity to explore what is meaningful to each member of the partnership or marriage. Learn how two have your needs met while also understanding your partners needs.

Kerry Vega, MTC, RPC

Visit for more tips and tricks on improving your relationships in your love life, family and career.



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Relationships: Start Strong and Stay Strong

Relationships – Start Strong and Stay Strong Relationships can be resilient and enduring. It’s important to go in with your eyes wide open and to do ‘your part’ to nurture the relationship. Know yourself and what you want out of the relationship. When you get right with yourself, it opens up the door to opportunities that directly relate to developing a strong union. Contentment and happiness come from inside and are major contributions to ‘doing your part’ in your relationship. Enter a relationship with realistic expectations. Don’t expect your spouse to support his/her needs and all of yours too. You are ultimately responsible to support yourself emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Work on thinking positively. Search for the meaning in your life. Continue to learn. These are opportunities to develop your self for a richer, more satisfying life. ***

While complete independence is neither possible nor desirable, by standing on your ow...

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On Marriage

Have you ever wondered why people get married? It’s no longer a necessity in modern day, so why is that piece of paper still so important to some of us? Why do people get married in the first place? There are a number of different reasons that people marry. Only you can decide if it’s right for you. It is certainly beneficial and respectful to the commitment of marriage that two people enter the union with their eyes open. Marriages that are born on faulty ground can be doomed before the ceremony. The following reasons to get married are in themselves, not enough to ensure the best beginning in planting the seed that we all hope will grow into a lasting relationship. If that’s what you’re working toward, the following list may be warning signs that that readiness and rightness are not adequate and that you might not be quite prepared to have a relationship built on a solid foundation.

On Marriage - Have you ever wondered why people get married? It’s no lo...

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Nine Charactertistics of Anger Behavior

Characteristics of Anger Behavior:

  • You don’t own or state your feelings directly—you slam doors, call people names, refuse to talk.
  • You may use sarcasm to express your anger and frustration.
  • You loose your temper and fly off the handle-have temper tantrums.
  • You intimidate others so they react defensively to you.
  • You insist on getting your own way.
  • You blame others or complain, things are always someone else’s fault
  • You hold grudges and vow to “get even
  • You make statements like “you make m"e mad”
  • You use explosive words and hand gestures

What is anger?

  • relates to a violation of one's standards; either you or someone else has violated these standards
  • sometimes these standards need to get re-evaluated
  • Anger is a secondary emotion- first you feel fear of loss (love, control, your integrity) then hurt, then anger.

Psychological Payoffs / Secondary Gains

  • Attention-getting behavior—people have to notice you
  • You feel a sen...

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