Relationship Counseling Category

Nine Charactertistics of Anger Behavior

Characteristics of Anger Behavior:

  • You don’t own or state your feelings directly—you slam doors, call people names, refuse to talk.
  • You may use sarcasm to express your anger and frustration.
  • You loose your temper and fly off the handle-have temper tantrums.
  • You intimidate others so they react defensively to you.
  • You insist on getting your own way.
  • You blame others or complain, things are always someone else’s fault
  • You hold grudges and vow to “get even
  • You make statements like “you make m"e mad”
  • You use explosive words and hand gestures

What is anger?

  • relates to a violation of one's standards; either you or someone else has violated these standards
  • sometimes these standards need to get re-evaluated
  • Anger is a secondary emotion- first you feel fear of loss (love, control, your integrity) then hurt, then anger.

Psychological Payoffs / Secondary Gains

  • Attention-getting behavior—people have to notice you
  • You feel a sen...

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Disappointment: How does it Happen?

What are some examples people have reported of experiences that led to feelings of  ‘disappointment?”

1- a love relationship collapses                                         5- no recognition for hard work you have been doing

2- you get turned down for job you really wanted               6- a friend, family member or date does not call

3- feeling misunderstood by a spouse or family member      7- a partner/family cancels a planned dinner

4- you just can't seem to reach a weight target                   8- poor performance and greades at school or s...

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Six Key Factors To Assess in Yourself and Others

Assess Six Factors in Others and Yourself

Whether you are learning about a prospective mate, deciding on a new business partner, or resolving a current problem with a friend or family member, here are six factors to consider.

First and Foremost: a well-developed sense of responsibility

  • Words and actions match;
  • agreed-upon division of labor
  • No withdrawing from difficult situations or blaming another and venting and ranting

Second: Self-Awareness: how well you know yourself

  • and how well someone knows him or herself.
  • Knowing oneself requires you think clearly about your desires and values. 
  • Until you see someone in a variety of situations you won’t know if he can be respectful when angry or communicative when stressed
  • Most people do not lie; they may however employ self-deceptive thinking telling you what they believe to be true about themselves

Third: know what someone values

  • If you know what matters to someone you will be able to adjust your expecta...

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Don't Break the Bank...Or Each Other: 3 Ways to Divorce Cheaply and Peacefully

Even though divorce can be incredibly difficult with emotions running high, the truth is that any couple – that’s right, any couple can truly find common ground when it comes to the expenses associated with divorce.

Between attorneys, court fees and orders, therapy and financing a new place to live, divorce is, needless to say, expensive. Through the years, I’ve never met a couple who didn’t want to save money during the process of their separation. And when both individuals can work toward a common goal of saving money, other details of the divorce tend to go smoothly in the spirit of mutual collaboration.

Make your divorce easier – both financially and emotionally — by following these three out-of-the-box money saving tips.

Opt for Mediation

You can save a whole lot of cash if you know how to navigate the divorce process wisely. One of the best ways to reduce costs associated with divorce is to avoid the old school “lawyering up” an...

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'Til Age 50 Do Us Part: Divorce Commonplace Among Baby Boomers

These days, marriage is more of a long-term lease than a forever sentiment. That’s because according to the latest reports on divorce statistics, more Americans age 50 and up are divorced than widowed – and that’s the first time since 1990.

A recent article published at The New York Times tells us that divorce rates among those 50 and older has grown in the last fifty years from 2.8 percent to 15.4 percent.

Divorce trend? Maybe. But most likely, divorcees are realizing that being single at an older age isn’t so bad. That’s not to say divorce isn’t difficult. It is – but with reduced stigma and working women, divorce is becoming a feasible option when counseling doesn’t work.

As much as the stigma has been reduced, though, rising divorce rates among the older American population is not without risk. Researchers at Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio say that just like widowers, divorcees will generally face economic st...

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What to Do About Your Little Boy Husband

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC
I don’t mean to stereotype (too much), but do you think that husbands or boyfriends come in “types”? Although I not a fan of labeling people, I do believe that there are categories of issues that people struggle with. And by taking a look at and understanding a type, which in this case is just a description of a cluster of issues, we can gain perspective on our spouse and we can learn how to be involved in their lives in more helpful ways. My goal is not to start a bash-fest on certain husbands, but rather to equip wives (and girlfriends) to be able to engage with their partner in a way that moves him towards his best self. You see, it is true that you cannot change another person directly and that we cannot control people. But, it is like my friend says to me, “Yes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink it. But you can sweeten the water.” Let’s see if we can understand what would be ways to influe...

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5 Things to Think about When Considering Divorce

5 Things to Think about When Considering Divorce
By Nancy Fagan,

Considering leaving your spouse? You need a solid exit plan. Pre-divorce-planning involves carefully planning out often-overlooked aspects of your life before you announce you’re leaving. In 85 percent of divorces, it is the wife who initiates the divorce. Whether man or woman, if you are in this situation, starting a plan of action now is absolutely necessary. Just because your wife/husband wants everything, including the children, it does not necessarily mean that’s what has to happen. Learn how to get a fair settlement by playing smart and doing certain things that will help your situation tremendously.

Divorce planning is needed for both men and women. With that said, if you’re a woman, preparing in advance is even more important. In fact, most women are in a worse place financially after it’s all said and done. With this said, you don’t have to become a statistic. You have ...

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Pack (after divorce) with Emotional Care

By Nancy Fagan, The Divorce Help Clinic LLC™

By nature, women are nesters and work hard to make their house a home. When divorce happens, the process of dismantling personal effects, carefully gathered and arranged through the years can be heart wrenching.

Packing stirs up feelings of loss surrounding the dreams of a life together that have ended. This can be a traumatic experience not only for you, but also for everyone in the family. Not only is the home being lost, all the items of familiar comfort are being divided. In its place, shattered dreams and the lack of emotional safety and security fill the space. Packing under these conditions requires thoughtful and deliberate steps. Following the tips below will make the process a little easier.

Inventory Agreement. Prior to packing, generate a list of household items that you plan to take. Have your husband review the list and sign the bottom of the page to show that he is in agreement. If there is any thing under question, n...

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A Simple Drawing Can Improve a Relationship

A lot of people use lists to help organize life and sort out priorities. I like lists, but I've discovered something even better--diagrams.

A very simple drawing can help map out complex information in a concise format that can be easily grasped by the eye, and quickly processed by the brain, making a situation easier to comprehend, remember and analyze.

The simple diagram shown here helped me to improve communication with an important person in my life.

Let me explain. One weekend my husband and I enjoyed some quality time together, and we also spent some time working on tasks that needed to be done around the house.

It should have been a well-balanced and satisfying weekend, but by Sunday night a lot of tension had developed between us.

Earlier in the day, I had asked him to help me with a task that was important to me. He was in the middle of something else, but he helped. After dinner he complained that I hadn’t helped him with a project that was important to him, n...

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Eight Signs She Loves You Too Much

8 Signs She Loves You Too Much

If you are anything like a large number of men, your lady has put you at the center of her universe. Her thoughts revolve around you, her day is punctuated by your smiles and her self-worth is often determined by how satisfied you are with all that she does to make you happy. She pours love into the relationship hoping that every ounce she gives will come back to her as appreciation. And because her love fuels you, at least in the beginning, you shine like the sun.

Even when your plans supersede hers, your work is deemed more important, and your words hold more weight, at the end of the day she doesn’t really seem to mind because after all – you love her.

My question to you is – can someone love you too much?

Many women equate loving a man with perpetual giving, submitting, and acquiescing. A woman seems to have an endless supply of love to give to others, but little to give to herself. She tends to submit thinking her role is to sup...

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