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5 Strategies for Combating Shyness And Social Anxiety Disorder: How to Build Social Skills: Part 1
By Matt Sandford, LMHCIn a previous article I provided some helps for sorting out the differences between Shyness, Introversi...
What to Do About Your Little Boy Husband
By Matt W. Sandford, LMHCI don’t mean to stereotype (too much), but do you think that husbands or boyfriends come in &l...
Feeling Behind in Life: The Myth of the Self Made Man(Person)
By Matt W. Sandford, LMHCI often talk with people who are struggling because they feel that they are behind in life in some w...
Sexual Trauma and Men - A Path to Thriving
Talking about sexual assault, sexual abuse, and rape is difficult for anyone. For men, it has it’s own unique challenge...
Impact of Substance Abuse and Sexual Abuse on Children
There is so much discussion in the news lately about legalization of cannabis/marijuana in various states across the United S...
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By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC
I don’t mean to stereotype (too much), but do you think that husbands or boyfriends come in “types”? Although I not a fan of labeling people, I do believe that there are categories of issues that people struggle with. And by taking a look at and understanding a type, which in this case is just a description of a cluster of issues, we can gain perspective on our spouse and we can learn how to be involved in their lives in more helpful ways. My goal is not to start a bash-fest on certain husbands, but rather to equip wives (and girlfriends) to be able to engage with their partner in a way that moves him towards his best self. You see, it is true that you cannot change another person directly and that we cannot control people. But, it is like my friend says to me, “Yes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink it. But you can sweeten the water.” Let’s see if we can understand what would be ways to influe...
5 Things to Think about When Considering Divorce
By Nancy Fagan, www.Dyvorce.com
Considering leaving your spouse? You need a solid exit plan. Pre-divorce-planning involves carefully planning out often-overlooked aspects of your life before you announce you’re leaving. In 85 percent of divorces, it is the wife who initiates the divorce. Whether man or woman, if you are in this situation, starting a plan of action now is absolutely necessary. Just because your wife/husband wants everything, including the children, it does not necessarily mean that’s what has to happen. Learn how to get a fair settlement by playing smart and doing certain things that will help your situation tremendously.
Divorce planning is needed for both men and women. With that said, if you’re a woman, preparing in advance is even more important. In fact, most women are in a worse place financially after it’s all said and done. With this said, you don’t have to become a statistic. You have ...
By Nancy Fagan, The Divorce Help Clinic LLC™
By nature, women are nesters and work hard to make their house a home. When divorce happens, the process of dismantling personal effects, carefully gathered and arranged through the years can be heart wrenching.
Packing stirs up feelings of loss surrounding the dreams of a life together that have ended. This can be a traumatic experience not only for you, but also for everyone in the family. Not only is the home being lost, all the items of familiar comfort are being divided. In its place, shattered dreams and the lack of emotional safety and security fill the space. Packing under these conditions requires thoughtful and deliberate steps. Following the tips below will make the process a little easier.
Inventory Agreement. Prior to packing, generate a list of household items that you plan to take. Have your husband review the list and sign the bottom of the page to show that he is in agreement. If there is any thing under question, n...
A lot of people use lists to help organize life and sort out priorities. I like lists, but I've discovered something even better--diagrams.
A very simple drawing can help map out complex information in a concise format that can be easily grasped by the eye, and quickly processed by the brain, making a situation easier to comprehend, remember and analyze.
The simple diagram shown here helped me to improve communication with an important person in my life.
Let me explain. One weekend my husband and I enjoyed some quality time together, and we also spent some time working on tasks that needed to be done around the house.
It should have been a well-balanced and satisfying weekend, but by Sunday night a lot of tension had developed between us.
Earlier in the day, I had asked him to help me with a task that was important to me. He was in the middle of something else, but he helped. After dinner he complained that I hadn’t helped him with a project that was important to him, n...
8 Signs She Loves You Too Much
If you are anything like a large number of men, your lady has put you at the center of her universe. Her thoughts revolve around you, her day is punctuated by your smiles and her self-worth is often determined by how satisfied you are with all that she does to make you happy. She pours love into the relationship hoping that every ounce she gives will come back to her as appreciation. And because her love fuels you, at least in the beginning, you shine like the sun.
Even when your plans supersede hers, your work is deemed more important, and your words hold more weight, at the end of the day she doesn’t really seem to mind because after all – you love her.
My question to you is – can someone love you too much?
Many women equate loving a man with perpetual giving, submitting, and acquiescing. A woman seems to have an endless supply of love to give to others, but little to give to herself. She tends to submit thinking her role is to sup...
Have you ever wondered why people get married? It’s no longer a necessity in modern day, so why is that piece of paper still so important to some of us? Why do people get married in the first place? There are a number of different reasons that people marry. Only you can decide if it’s right for you. It is certainly beneficial and respectful to the commitment of marriage that two people enter the union with their eyes open. Marriages that are born on faulty ground can be doomed before the ceremony. The following reasons to get married are in themselves, not enough to ensure the best beginning in planting the seed that we all hope will grow into a lasting relationship. If that’s what you’re working toward, the following list may warning signs that readiness and rightness is not quite prepared to have a relationship built on a solid foundation.
On Marriage - Have you ever wondered why people get married? It’s no longer a necessity in modern day, so why is th...
Cell Phones and Relationships
Time Together & Apart
Both the quantity and quality of time we spend together influence the well being of our friendships, family interactions and intimate relationships. Spending time apart, participating in other activities is also of great value and influences a relationship, especially a romantic one. A healthy relationship needs balance: time to interact with family, friends, colleagues, self and definitely quality time with your significant other. Balance in the relationship is a necessary rung toward success.
Researchers from the University of Essex found that people who engaged in personal discussions when a cell phone was nearby, even if neither was actually using it, reported lower relationship quality and less trust for their partner. They also felt that their partner was less empathic to their concerns (Kerner, 2013). Among the complaints: “he doesn’t look at me when I’m talking;“ “she’s always nagging...
Dr Pamela Brewer talks with Maryland Psychotherapist Rodney Orders about the impact of stress on relationships. Stress, particularly chronic stress, can be a powerful predictor of physical and mental health - learn more about this often overlooked experience that impacts the lives of so many.
The flow of our life is a lot like that of a river. It ebbs and flows. It can be icy and rigid or smooth and flowing. Sometimes it is wild and windy, other times it is clear and calm. When the latter happens, that river must have had a sense of equilibrium. By definition, equilibrium means "the condition of a system in which all competing influences are balanced, in a wide variety of contexts." The key word here is balanced! Similar to a river, A person's life must be balanced to achieve equilibrium or what the Chinese call Yin and Yang. It is no coincidence that we are so much like water as our bodies are made up of 70% water (and the earth's surface is the same). Water and electricity are also very similar. Both are made up of currents (energy) and both seek the easiest route -this is why rivers flood and why people get shocks (I was going to say electrocuted but I want to keep this blog positive). Just like water what we are always seeking is that perfect equilibrium or balance in o...
Getting to Know You?!™
By David I. Brandt, LCSW
"A man must eat a peck of salt with his friend, before he knows him.” Miguel De Cervantes
And that is A LOT of salt! It takes time to really know if someone will become a friend or not (or a lover or not). Too often we impulsively jump into a relationship, whether out of desperation, fear of being alone, insecurity, and/or over-exuberance - only to find that we actually had very little on which to base the relationship. We were really living out some projection, vision or fantasy in our heads. It takes time to allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, which is what we need to do in order to grow and evolve greater intimacy. One cannot rush this process!!!
Additionally, getting to really know someone takes work at times and is definitely NOT all fun and games. Part of eating a lot of “salt” together is, indeed, taking the time needed to learn about our interactional dynamics and styles and then learnin...
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