Sex Therapy Category

Body Parts and Sex - Overcoming Dysphoria

Sex should be fun, sensual, erotic, hot, connecting. Highlight the word should. But it’s not this way for some people. Specifically, it is sometimes not comfortable for some transgender and gender non-conforming people. One of the main culprits is discomfort with what are supposed to be sexy body parts. But if these body parts – or at least the mainstream names for them – don’t align with your gender identity, then sex becomes less than fun. However, I recently attended a workshop, by a fantastic presenter – S. Bear Bergman – that helped us all reimagine trans sexuality.

One of the basic premises – a beginning point for trans people who are trying to become more comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality as well as those who love trans people – is that people should claim their bodies as their own. And one way of doing this is naming your own sexual body parts. We learned and shared some fun and sexy words to replace often scienti...

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Sex, STIs, & Being "Clean"

A clean bill of health. Those are words most of us like to hear from the doc following a visit. There’s nothing wrong with feeling healthy. But this saying has morphed into a stigmatizing way of viewing STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections). If you spend anytime on dating and hook up sites, you’ll see some people write that they’re “clean” and they’re hoping that you’re “clean” too…clean being a euphemism for not having an STI. The implication is that if you have an STI, you are dirty. It sounds awful. And dehumanizing.

I take offense at this for several reasons. First, practically speaking – an infection or virus doesn’t make a person clean or unclean. When we have strep throat or a wart on our finger, we are not all of the sudden dirty. You simply need to take some penicillin or get the wart burnt off. But since an STI is a by-product of sex, it is somehow more distasteful. This language exposes our culture&rs...

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I love my husband, but why don't I want to have sex?

Q&A: I am 35 years old, married, and have 4 wonderful children. I love my husband very much and we have a very beautiful relationship. I love my life and work outside the home. The problem is that by the end of the day, I'm completely exhausted from work, kids, cleaning, cooking, making lunches, and all the rest of it that I don't have any desire to have sex with my husband. I'm just too tired. Once we are intimate, I enjoy myself. I'm happy and I have a great relationship with my husband, so why the problem with the desire? What should I do?

Response: Thanks so much for this question. Wow you have a lot on your plate! And you, indeed must be very busy with several children to take care of. There is no doubt that you rightfully should feel tired by the day's end. As for being a working mother with children and feeling too tired to have desire, I hear this A LOT!

I believe that everything in life is about choices and priorities. It might be that you're prioritizing other things ov...

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The Trouble with Passing

For many transgender people, particularly those who identify on the gender binary, “passing” is of particular importance. And this makes a lot of sense to me. I understand the very real concerns about people on the streets, at the job, or in a restroom recognizing you as transgender. There can be powerful, negative repercussions when that happens. Unfortunately, we see this all the time and even have an annual day of mourning to those whose lives are lost due to the fear and hatred of others. However, I have seen in my work that passing also comes with some troubles.

I have met quite a few trans folk who “pass” very well. No one knows about their natal sex or assigned gender. And these folk integrate quite well into the cisgender world. In fact, some integrate so well, that very few people know about their transition or their life story. And this is where the trouble sometimes lies.
When know one knows about your transgender identity, who do you talk to about th...

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'Let's Talk' About Sex CANADA

‘Let’s Talk’… About Sex! in CANADA


Usually when we talk about sexual health, we talk about those dreaded visits to our GP or local walk in clinic where we quickly tell the Doc that we need to get tested for STI’s, grab the specimen form offered and make a bee line past reception to the closest, most anonymous looking lab we can find to offer up a hurried sample of whatever personal, intimate fluids have been requested …

However, the reality is, for many men, their sexual behavior impacts their mental health, not just their physical health.

Bell’s ‘Let’s Talk’ campaign, which is a multi-million dollar educational campaign designed to break the silence around mental illness and support the mental health of all Canadians, has inspired me to ask, ‘How does your sexual behavior impact your mental health?.

The Canadian Mental Health Association believes that 2 out of every 3 people who experience a mental health ...

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My Partner's a Porn Addict....

That’s not an unusual statement to hear these days. Whether it’s a celebrity discussing his porn addiction, or a partner of someone identifying as a sex addict – you have probably heard about this “epidemic.”
I, myself, am a little more suspect of the ability to be addicted to porn.

Addictions arephysical and psychological processes that include a variety of indicators, including withdrawal symptoms. I’ve yet to hear of a person who experiences the DT’s after stopping his viewing of pornography on –line.

That’s not to say that people don’t experience problems with their time spent looking at porn. We hear about that as well. However, poor decision making or compulsive, unaware behaviors don’t equal addiction.
Why is this important? I think telling someone they have an addiction – especially when it’s debatable if it’s scientifically possible to have such an addiction – is stigmatizing. More import...

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Sex Addiction

Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative effect on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder develops. Gradually, the addict usually has to redouble the obsessive behavior to obtain the same results.

For many sex addicts, conduct does not progress further than compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, profane phone calls, child molestation or rape.

Sex addicts do not necessarily turn into sex offenders. Moreover, not every sex offenders are sex addicts. Roughly 55 percent of convicted sex offenders can be deemed sex addicts.

About 71 percent of child molesters are sex addicts. For many, their problems are so severe that imprisonment is the only way to guarantee society's safety against them.

Society has accepted ...

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National Masturbation Month

Never heard of this national month long celebration? You're not alone. It's not been widely celebrated, although it is gaining more and more attention each year.

National Masturbation Month started in 1995. During the previous year, U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders was forced to resign from her position following a speech at the United Nations World AIDS Day. Someone in the audience asked her about the potential of using masturbation as a way to delay partnered sexual activity. She responded by stating, "I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught." Her answer was not well received, and ultimately it led to her forced resignation. The founders of Good Vibrations, a sex toy and sex education center located in San Francisco, were outraged by this whole situation and they wanted to do what they could to support Joycelyn Elders and continue encouraging discussion about masturbation. As a way to achieve these goals, Good...

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Practice Makes Perfect

Ever heard the saying "practice makes perfect"? I wonder why we don't think to apply that idea to our sexuality.

To be good at pretty much anything in life, first we need the proper training. We have to learn how to ride a bike, how to swim, how to drive a car, the proper way to raise kids, and the list can go on and on. Rarely, if ever, do we do something perfectly the first time we attempt it. This is why we need to practice! The more we practice, the more comfortable we will become with the task. As our comfort increases, so does our confidence and our enjoyment of the activity.

Not only does practice allow us the time to hone our skills, but it is also the time for us to learn where are strengths and weakness show up. Let's use baseball as an example. Each position on the field requires a different skills set. The person playing short-stop may need to be quick on their feet and able to cover a large area in a short amount of time. Where as the person playing first base may not ne...

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Help Your Partner Meet Your Relationship Needs

Do you get into arguments with your partner because you feel they don’t understand you when you tell them about a problem? May be, they try to fix your problem in the way they’d deal with it as if it was happening to them?

Without realizing, we often give what we need to receive ourselves.

So here’s a little experiment you can try the next time a misunderstanding comes up.

To really connect to your partner simply ask them – What do they need right now.

This shows them you genuinely care for them as an individual and respect their needs. This helps them feel loved, secure and safe.

Also it means on a more practical level, you’ll be able to give them what they need – whether that’s silence, or listening, or a foot rub it doesn’t matter…

So when your partner is in a tizzy over something – use these 6 words to decrease any misunderstandings and increase your relationship satisfaction – What Do You Need Right Now?

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