Therapist Blog

Marriage Breakdown

According to the research of John Gottman, the biggest reason unsuccessful couples give for breakdown is the gradual growing apart and loosing of a sense of closeness and not feeling loved and appreciated. These research findings really highlight the need for couples to learn the skills of positive interaction so as to maximize chances for a rewarding connection.

Marshal Rosenberg’s “Non-Violent Communication” offers an excellent model for positive rewarding communication. He talks about the need for people to get out of their intellectual analysis and their justifying of positions to really hearing the "need" behind the complaint.

Here the couple therapist helps one side to connect with their need and then works at getting the other side to empathize with that need. Sometimes it can be very hard for one person to empathize because they can only relate to their negative images and not to the humanity of the other.