Therapist Blogs for January 2012
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Alcohol and Drug Addiction Stage One
Alcohol and Drug Addiction- Stage One During the initial stage of addiction the addicts' character is permanently altered. T...
Addiction is a Family Affair
Thirty years ago, I was introduced recovery. It was not long after my 27th birthday. Because I come from generations of famil...
Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. L...
Parenting is Climate Control
Parenting is Climate Control Blog posted September 21, 2013 Summer is almost over and the school year has already begun. Mos...
Sometimes, something new happens, like a sought after job, relationship, or a new living space. It can feel so exciting.....l...
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The internet has its benefits for some but many negative consequences for those addicted to compulsive online sexual behavior…
When “John Doe” and “Jenny Doe” came to see me for a marriage counseling session, it was revealed that John would stay on the computer almost the entire night seeking sexual content and masturbate compulsively. Jenny knew that John was doing this over a few years and she would try to address the problem with him directly.
John promised many times that he would stop his compulsive behavior to no avail. Jenny was becoming angry and frustrated as John would detach from her through his relationship with his online sexual fantasies. Their sexual life became non-existent and their ability to resolve this issue became impossible for Jenny to deal with. They decided to seek marriage counseling from Mindbuilders but by this time John was having a full blown cyber sex relationship via webcam sites and Jenny wanted a divorce.
Behavior has long been a subject of interest to psychologists, educators, parents and others. Due to the complexity of behavior there is no simple approach to understanding what motivates an individual to make changes in their life. One aspect of change for most individuals is to develop meaningful relationships with others that support, understand and encourage the individual to move toward self-efficacy. When given support, empathy and understanding, an individual can make positive changes in their life. The development of self-efficacy is an important aspect of a healthy and balanced life and assists the individual in motivation for change. Bandura, Adams and Beyer (1977) found the presence of self-efficacy accurately predicted an individual’s performance on tasks regardless of difficulty.
Mental health professionals have traditionally focused on the client’s pathology and maladaptive functioning. Just as Steger, Frazier, Oishi, & Kaler 2006) identified the meaning ...
Sex on Demand
The topic of sex almost always enters the conversation at some point during couples/marriage counseling. It might not appear in the first session or even the first few, but if there are problems in the bedroom, therapy usually results in a frank discussion of this delicate issue at some point. Typically, the husband complains there isn't enough sex, while the wife laments that she's overwhelmed too tired, or not feeling loved enough to be motivated for sex. Unless the couple is able to resolve this dilemma, the tension between the spouses is usually played out in a variety of unhealthy and unproductive ways. Often, a couple finds themselves fighting about things that have nothing at all to do with intimacy as a substitute for confronting the real issue.
An all-too-common pattern involves a husband who will approach his wife for sex and encounter what he feels is rejection. If this situation is repeated again and again, rather than beginning a dialogue on the subject, he'...
At the beginning of each year, I use a sales strategy of specific, measurable goal setting, as an enhanced form of New Year's Resolutions. Additionally, I try to break it up into quarterly, 3 month goals in order to track my progress. I am goal setting for 2012, along with updating my business planning. Looking forward to an improved year with reductions in last year's hardships. Here's to hope!
How often do you get stuck in a chronic “inner-sulk” ? So many of us find ourselves out of balance and consumed with our daily worries. Sometimes we weigh our-selves down with our problems. Sulking is fine to a degree because it releases pent-up emotion and helps us sort things out. However, you will find the solutions to your problems much easier if you shine a light on them.
How do we transform our distress? Mother Theresa believed “peace begins with a smile.” And Mantak Chia, a well-known Taoist Master, says, “Just as a smile is effective in communicating with other people, it is also an amazingly powerful healing tool in communicating with ourselves.” There will never be another you, so why not have a kindhearted relationship with your-self.
Test it out! Relax your face for a moment and let a subtle ‘Mona Lisa’ smile communicate with you. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to set aside a moment to consider something good. What ar...
Every couple experiences tough times in their marriage, but most issues can be successfully worked out. Marriage counseling works wonders and no matter how big or small your problems are it’s worth a shot. The first thing to look at is the communication.
This morning I woke up with those two words on my mind. "What if?" And I pondered what life might have looked like for me and so many of the people I know and work with that have been diagnosed with ADD. And others, who just plain lack the confidence to try or even dream. What if we had grown up knowing that we could do whatever we dreamed of? What if we knew that life would be one smooth transition after the other and that whatever obstacles came our way, would only make us stronger and more determined to reach our goals? What if our teachers and parents led us to believe that we were the most gifted and intelligent children in the world, and that we would do something special when we grew up that would change the world we live in? What if we knew ahead of time that we could achieve whatever we set our sights on? What choices would we make or have made knowing this was true for us?
And for just a moment, if we could step into that reality and feel ...
Happy New Year! It’s the start of a new 12 month cycle and the opportunity to set our intentions for 2012. I know we all want to thrive in our lives and in thinking of ways to help with this effort, I recently read a wonderful article by Tom O’Connor in which he asks some very self-empowering questions regarding achieving positive changes. Tom reminded me of a great quote by Tony Robbins who said, “Success leaves clues”. But for many of us, we don’t know where to look for those clues or know the right questions to ask in order to find them. So, in an attempt to find those clues, I wrote the following article and listed 9 of those self-empowering questions to assist us in establishing a forward direction to our lives and to help us to thrive in 2012.
The following 9 questions provide us with an exercise that will take us back first to reflect on 2011 and then forward into 2012. Since the questions are very thought provoking and (hopefully life changing), I...
Can Anybody Hear Me?
I frequently encounter adolescents expressing sadness and frustration related to feeling as though most in their life do not listen to what they are trying to say. I often ask what would a listener do to let you know they are hearing what you are saying? Most are unable to identify specifically what tells them someone is listening. Communication is a multi-faceted and complex skill.
One of the most amazing features common amongst all beings is the ability to communicate. We communicate in numerous ways and at times what is communicated is misunderstood. Body language is a mode of communication used to convey information to other species (Van den Stock and de Gelder, 2007). Lacking a way to verbally communicate, human and animals rely on body language, tone of voice and physical touch to facilitate interspecies communication. Dogs are able to rely on gestural forms of the human communication and are able to comprehend to some extent the referential nature of human...
Keeping a Dream Journal: Big and Little Dreams.
Everyone dreams but not everyone remembers their dreams. The ability to recall one's dreams is related to the importance that one attributes to them. When a person goes into Jungian analysis their attention is directed inwards towards the life of the unconscious and that person will start to value and remember their dreams more. One of the techniques for remembering one's dreams is to keep a dream journal on their nightstand and to record their dreams immediately upon waking up from sleep. It is important to record as much as one can remember before the vicissitudes of consciousness and daily life totally obliterate the memories of our voyage into the realm of the unconscious while the ego is submerged during sleep. The dream is composed of symbols which are the primitive, powerful and sometimes universal language of the subconscious. Little dreams emerge from our personal unconscious and are characterized by a personally symbolic langua...
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