Therapist Blogs for April 2012
Fix Our Marriage NOW!
Most of the time a couple calls me when they're in a desparate situation. They need help, and they need it fast. I can tell they're in dire straits when one of the first questions they ask me is, "How soon can you see us?" I can hear the urgency in their voices, and I can feel their pain over the phone.
Relationship problems don't arise out of nowhere overnight. They build slowly. In the beginning, the couple thinks, "I really want this to work and we love each other, so we'll figure this out together." Any most of the time, that's what happens. Couples work their problems out. However, there are some problems that they just can't work out on their own. (We call these "perpetual problems") This is when they call me.
One couple I worked with last year, Steven and Michelle, have been married 14 years. They came to see me because the fighting between them had gotten so bad that their son began having panic attacks. Whenever their voices raised, he would start shaking, hyperventilat...
Perseverance in the Face of Adversity
The other day, Max (our sorta-shepherd puppy) and I, were out walking in the rain. Most of the times, I truly enjoy our walks together. This time was definitely a chore. One of those, "Hurry up so we can go back inside" walks. As we rounded the corner of one of the walking paths that wind through our neighborhood, we encountered a 1-legged bird pecking around for the bugs & worms that had surfaced during the rain.
We stopped and watched him for a few minutes. Both of us intrigued, but for very different reasons. I was amazed at the perseverance the bird showed. How it had to do a little hop step every time it bent its head toward the grass. Constantly in motion and yet never giving up.
The bird struck me as symbolic of the struggles of so many of my clients and in many cases, the way they've learned to persevere despite tremendous adversity.
People will often ask me, "Don't you get sick of hearing people's problems all day long?" That couldn't be farther from the truth...
Part 3 (of 4) in article series was just published ...
Part 3: Source Energy Optimizes Life—Escalating Source Energy Through Trauma Resolution
While vacationing in Rincon, a beautiful beach town in Puerto Rico, I fell into a seven-foot hole. There were no streetlights in the tiny village and I was out in the dark night… The fall, the pain, and being stuck in a remote place traumatized me; I was left in a cast for 7 months with a severely shattered heel. Having no choice in the matter, the time I spent recovering left me feeling trapped in my body. But, eventually, I began to listen to what it was saying.
Previously, I wrote about my challenge with cancer and how the experience of a healer aligning my energy helped me transform what would have been a death sentence. This time, once I surrendered to the obtrusive, uncomfortable cast I was confined by, it was, again, listening to my body that fueled a transformation.
The fi...
ADHD in Adults
When people think about attention deficit disorder (ADHD), they usually consider it a childhood problem. However, a large proportion — between 30 and 70 percent — of children with the condition remain affected throughout adulthood.
In the late 1970s, the first studies were done into adult attention deficit disorder. Individuals were retrospectively diagnosed in their childhood through assessment by interview. As a result, standardized criteria were set down to help specialists diagnose ADHD in adults, called the Utah Criteria. These, and other newer tools such as the Conners Rating Scale and the Brown Attention Deficit Disorder Scale, combine data on personal history and current symptoms.
In general, adults with the condition will not have considered ADHD as an explanation for their problems, which may include poor organizational skills, bad time-keeping and lack of sustained attention. Their everyday lives can be full of challenges that are not experienced by adults with...
What Happens When a Couple Sees their Situation Totally Different?
What Happens When a Couple Sees their Situation Totally Different?
Apr 4 2012 - 4:53 pm by Sue Butler in Marriage Help
Most of the time, couples see their problems very differently, and this leads them to blame each other. Usually, heated arguments result from trying to talk about the problems and nothing is resolved. The couple find themselves farther apart from each other and feeling guilty, blamed or shamed. The following story is an example of the type of problems couples face.
Rosa and Teddy have been married for several years. Rosa has been unhappy for most of their marriage. Teddy believed that he and his wife shared a very understanding relationship; they do not have the same opinion and view of their situation.
READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS AND ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.
What the husband is saying:
Rosa and her husband Teddy have been married for 7 years. Teddy goes bowling with his friends every Thursday and Friday night, on Saturdays, he plays poker from 6 to 10 P.M...
ADHD Goes to College -Part 1
Why Freshman with ADHD are Most at Risk
The number of students attending colleges with ADHD is definitely on the rise. The following article identifies the symptoms and obstacles that these students face, while exploring the reasons why freshman are most at risk for failure. In addition, it provides faculty some ways to identify those students who are most at risk and may not be aware of their ADHD diagnosis.
It has been reported in a recent study that one in 20 college freshman were diagnosed with ADHD in 2010. If you are faculty member, this means that the likelihood that at least one student with ADHD will be enrolled in each one of your classes every semester. In addition, and more perplexing, is that there is a good possibility that you may have one or several students attending your classes with undiagnosed ADHD.
So, what does this mean? How best can the faculty accommodate this particular disability and how might one identify, or perhaps approach a student who has not disclos...
ADHD Goes to College -Part 2
Last month’s newsletter included part one of an article entitled “ADHD Goes to College - Part 1". http://addadults.net/adhd-college-freshman-adhd-risk-part-1 Here is part 2 to that article.
But what happens to those students who are unaware of their diagnosis? Freshman are the most at risk because while attending high school and living at home with their parents, they may have had a lot more structure and support from both teachers and parents. If this is their first time living away from home, they will need to self-regulate and structure their time in ways that are far more difficult for them than for other students. According to Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, “The reality is that young adults with ADHD tend to function at a younger emotional age than their peers.” Their parents have likely spent years monitoring their child’s academic and social activities and although being away at school may be exciting for these students, being on their own, ca...
ADD in Marriage: How to Be Happily Married to Your ADD Spouse
The challenges facing a person who is married to someone with untreated ADD can certainly be difficult to navigate, especially because these challenges may be completely hidden to the rest of the world. No one seems to understand what you struggle with. She or he is such a “great guy” and may appear totally “together” to everyone else. So what’s wrong with you? Maybe you are even beginning to doubt yourself. This article attempts to address some of the predictable patterns that one may experience being married to someone with ADD and why it creates such difficulty.
Being married to someone with untreated ADD is often fraught with a predictable progressive pattern that goes from happy, to confused, to angry, and finally to hopeless. (Orlov, 2010) How does this happen and why is this so predictable in couples whose spouses have untreated ADD?
In an attempt to answer that question let’s look at some of the patterns that typically come up in these kind...
Learning to Trust Yourself
Last night I was on the phone with a friend, and she sounded kinda bummed. She confessed that she had recently confided in a mentor (a friend she really respected and admired) about problems in her new-ish romantic relationship, after which the mentor emphatically replied, "Why do you always choose the wrong guy? You should drop him, he's never going to change."
My friend reluctantly agreed none of her recent romantic relationships had been working out, and gave a defeated, "Hmmm, maybe you're right?" before hanging up the phone. After that convo, my friend acted really cold and distant to her boyfriend, which only furthered their problems and made her feel worse.
So I asked her, was the mentor right?
After some thoughtful pauses, she said, "No, I don't think so. This guy isn't perfect, and I don't know what will happen between us, but life is complicated and I know he cares about me, so it doesn't feel right just to cut him out of life."
More importantly, she went on to say that t...
"Babymoon": Cherishing your last few months as a family of two
Finding out you are pregnant starts an exciting countdown with a very long to-do list. Nine months may feel like a long time now, but those 40 weeks will include some of the most profound transitions of your life. In less than a year, life as you know it will never be the same. In some ways, this process is as much about letting go as it is about preparation. Despite what the naysayers may tell you, it’s not that you’ll never, ever go to a movie again or have a girls’ night out, but you won’t be able to go back to a time before you were a mother. Whatever that really means for you is the part that no one can prepare you for, no matter how wise or sound their advice may be. So, in the midst of writing birth plans and picking out cribs and car seats, it’s time to do a little self-reflection. While you can never know exactly what lies ahead for you as a parent and a couple, you can bet that some things will be a little bit harder to fit into your life, and ot...
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