Therapist Blogs for August 2012
Isn't it Time to Invest in You?
We all know that confidence makes a hugh difference in this world but do you know how self-esteem is shaped?
In simplistic terms, self-esteem can be divided into two parts - 'what we can do' (self-effiacy) and 'who we are' (self-worth). Self-efficacy relates to our belief in our ability to do things, whether that be a project at work, helping a friend, or making a nice meal - we can see the results, get positive feedback and feel proud of our efforts. Self-worth, on the other hand, is how we value ourselves - how we treat ourselves and how we let other people treat us.
Generally speaking, most of us are pretty good in the self-efficacy department, but it's another story altogether when it comes to self-worth. I have many clients who've told me they don't have a problem with confidence, yet what we often discover is that they don't have a problem with self-efficacy. When it comes down to it, they don't recognise their value beyond what they can do. If we haven’t learned how to v...
Stressed Out at Work?
Like most things in life, stress can be good or very bad. Good stress (eustress) motivates us, bad stress is debilitating. Mountains of research over the past few decades has clearly shown how damaging occupational stress is, radiating out to all areas of our lives. It’s vital to ensure that you have good coping strategies and the confidence to use them in the most productive way.
Being stressed at work can lead to all sorts of physical, and emotional difficulties like depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, gastrointestinal disorders, and headaches, just to name a few. Stress can affect our work performance, damage our relationships with family, friends and colleagues and have severe consequences on our health. In fact, stress is associated with the six leading causes of death – heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents, cirrhosis of the liver, and suicide – with 75 – 90% of all doctor’s visits being for stress-related complaints!
Work stress is ...
What Needs to Change in Your Relationship?
When it comes to looking at where relationships are going wrong I like using the analogy of having a ‘Love Bank’. When we first start dating, all of our needs are being met – there's lots of deposits and the bank balance grows and grows.As the relationship progresses, reality settles in – we have work, friends, family, children, community commitments, etc. and there isn’t the same time or energy to focus on our relationship. On top of all that, what little energy we have left, while well intentioned, is often misdirected (“I’d really like that … so I’ll do that for them”). Unfortunately, if that particular thing isn't important to our partner, the efforts are wasted. Sometimes couples find themselves trying harder and harder, being more giving, caring, helpful, etc – but nothing changes and begin to feel frustrated, resentful and hopeless.
By understanding what needs are important we can target our energy in the right ...
Standing Up for Yourself
Do you ever have the feeling that the rest of the world acts as if you're not there? That you don't really count? This happens when you have a core belief that says "I don't matter."
How does this happen? Infants expect to receive certain vital messages from their caregivers: "You are valued. You are accepted. You are loved. You are understood. You are respected." Children who receive these messages develop self-confidence and a healthy sense of their own place in the world.
Children who fail to receive these messages know (emotionally, not rationally) that something is wrong, and they are entirely correct. But they go on to an incorrect conclusion: if something is wrong, it must be my fault. (Remember, this takes place well before the development of a child's powers of reasoning.) In response to this belief a child adopts one of the following strategies:
(1) Become invisible (if I can't be seen, maybe the problem will go away or I won't be blamed).
(2) Numb out (if I can't get the...
Don't be a Helicopter Parent with college bound kids
Septemeber is fast approaching which typically marks "back to school" for students, but the effect this transition has on parents/caregivers is often overlooked. Anxiety, stress and depression are frequently experienced by parents sending their first (and subsequent others) off to college, leaving home for the first time with miles apart from the family system. Does the age of digital conectedness (cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, Skype) bridge the gap or create co dependency and complicate a healthy separation process?
You Are Not Weak
(From the Downtown Therapy blog. Check it out to see more)
One of the quiet, yet pernicious, ways which serve to steer people away from seeking the assistance that psychotherapy can bring is the idea that, somehow, seeking assistance is a sign of weakness.
I think part of this comes from movies and TV (though their depictions are getting better), which have historically portrayed individuals seeking therapeutic help as hopelessly neurotic.
Let me be frank: anyone seeking the help of a therapist soon discovers that the opposite is true. Seeking increased self-awareness (an inevitable part of psychotherapy) is an act of will. It is you, saying that you can feel better, be better. It is saying that you deserve to understand yourself better than you currently do. It is to say that keeping things the way they are is not good enough.
Self-improvement is not the admission of weakness of character, but the admission of strength of mind.
(From t...
Talking to Children about Secrets
There is an estimated 39 million survivors of sexual abuse in America. Experts believe 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually assaulted by the age of 18 with 9 years old being the average age of reported abuse. It is a sad fact that many adults seeking counseling for surviving sexual abuse have kept horrible secrets since childhood that have negatively impacted many, if not all areas of their life. When the physical aspect of the abuse stops, the survivor continues to be abused by the secrets they hold and the ongoing confusion and dysfunctional beliefs they must try to reconcile as they mature into adulthood.Secret is most often defined as “A piece of information that is known by only a small number of people and is deliberately not told to other people.” Children can be encourage to keep the horrible secrets by being manipulated with kindness, being convinced they are the ones doing wrong, or by being threatened with violence against them or someone they love.
Being S...
Holistic Healthcare versus Traditional Western Medicine
The Western medicine community asked the question: Will Alternative Healthcare, a.k.a. Holistic, Metaphysical, Energy or Mind, Body, Spirit healing (Transformation) and Traditional Western Medicine (TWM) merge? This question implies there is reason to wonder and/or we need to consider the benefits a merger might create. The consideration of merging Holistic, Metaphysical, Energy or Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Traditional Western Medicine is analogues to comparing apples to oranges. The only comparison between apples and oranges is that they are both fruit--but the comparison ends there. Holistic, Metaphysical, Energy or Mind, Body, Spirit Healing (Transformation) and Traditional Western Medicine is diametrically polar opposites with nothing in common, except the subject (you).
In order to understand the ideology of Traditional Western Medicine, you need to examine the language used by doctors and researchers. Their choice of words reveals their belief systems and the mode...
Life makes sense with Y.O.U.
What if you knew what you needed right now, at this very moment, to recharge your batteries & feel great? Everyday, we are exposed to and even subscribe to the notion of 'what works for me has got to work for you'. Do you know the consequences of falling into this trap? Well, it starts out with neglecting our own uniqueness in terms of how we individually connect, communicate and process information. We begin to lose energy and become disenchanted when those expectations aren't met and we aren't reaching our destination. We forget how to honor the relationships with ourselves and others. This is simply because we are constantly giving & receiving advice that aren't naturally suitable for one another. This didn't happen overnight. It isn't something new. In fact, it's the process of the evolution of human misunderstanding. My passion for life & meaningful living has led me to a path of seeking for answers, one that puts all the pieces of the puzzle of life together. I want t...
Thoughts About Understanding Dreams
Each night we slip through the veils of consciousness into a world of magic, mystery, and adventure. There, we are offered beneficial information, both mystical and mundane. From the most profound truths to very practical guidance, this realm offers assistance for whatever holds our waking attention.
Most of the time, we wake from that realm with fleeting memories or vague emotions; sometimes a passing thought about “that weird dream” as we move into preparation for the day ahead. Before one knows it, all memory of the dream is gone. Yet, we may be left with a sense of having missed something. Perhaps, we have.
Great discoveries and decisions have resulted from attention to dreamtime messages. Thomas Edison famously worked around the clock, taking naps as needed and using the information he received during those naps to fuel his exceptional inventiveness. Dreams provided the inspiration for Elias Howe’s creation of the lock stitch sewing machine; Friedrich Handel&rs...
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