Therapist Blogs for September 2011
On Loss and Connection
First Posted SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2011
Bob’s Death; A New Threshold
Last week, my eldest brother, Bob, died after years of health challenges. We were never really close, though his daughter is my godchild and a cherished part of my life; my brother and I had opposite worldviews. I dreaded his forwarded emails that I politely asked him to stop sending. They came anyway; he was determined to save me.
At the time of Bob’s difficult passing I was reading Lynne McTaggart’s new book THE BOND that was highly recommended by my friends at the Institute for Noetic Sciences. In this groundbreaking book we discover scientifically that “the essential impulse of all life is a will to connect rather than a drive to compete. In fact, we are inescapably connected, hardwired to each other at our most fundamental level—from cells to whole societies.”
I was given words in THE BOND for a different perspective that has been shifting inside of me, casting a palpable ene...
Boundaries & Limits as Part of a Healthy Relationship
One of the most confusing concepts about limits and boundaries is understanding that there is a difference between these two terms. Yet both are equally important in a healthy relationship.
A Boundary is a theoretical line that we define for others. Like a boundary on a map, in truth there is no line in stone on the earth that defines one state from another. But we have signs or words (limits) that indicate where one stops and another begins. An example of a Boundary is saying that I will leave a relationship that causes me or my child physical harm, or I will not tolerate disrespectful words from my child.
Limits are the behavioral manifestations of boundaries – we “set a limit” by telling our partner that we do not appreciate being talked to in a particular manner, or by following through and walking away from a relationship after we had set that boundary and still we were physically harmed, or we discipline our child after they cursed at us.
Most relationships, ...
PET THERAPY: 20 Things You Can Learn from Your Pet (Part I)
Web MD had a wonderful article posted online about 20 things you can learn from your pet. All of them were good suggestions, but some spoke to me more than others. For instance, “live in the moment” and “forget multitasking;” although these were two separate recommendations, they seem related.
Oftentimes, especially in this age of constant technology, people tend to do at least three things at once; listening to Pandora while emailing and talking on the phone or texting a friend while watching TV and talking to a significant other. While we may feel we are getting more done this way research has found that multi-tasking is actually less efficient and you do each task less well. Attention and memory suffer when you try to do too many things at once and you may actually lose time. In addition, since you are focusing on several activities at once, you are likely not giving your best to any of the activities. How many times have you realized that you have not reall...
Willpower versus ADD
Very often I will hear a parent tell me that his child could not possibly have ADD because he is able to play video games for long hours without being distracted in the least. Or that one’s spouse can watch a football game without ever being distracted. This can be very misleading and also account for a lot of arguments as people often interpret “ADDers” as being able to select what they can focus on depending on what they like. Therefore, the conclusion is that they are either lazy, disinterested, or lack willpower in whatever else they “should” be focusing on (but are obviously not). ADD may appear to be all of the above, but in reality, it is not within the voluntary control of a person with this disorder, due to an impairment of the management system of the brain that regulates these kinds of behaviors. For this reason I often think of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) as Attention Regulatory Disorder, which is really a more accurate name for it.
...The Three Most Important Nutrients in Treating ADHD
Although it is believed that treating ADHD with proper medication and some form of counseling is the most effective treatment modality that we know of, it is also true that medication is not effective for all people. According to Edward Hallowell, MD, medication may not be effective for as much as 20% of the population. In addition, medication is not a cure for ADHD and should be used in conjunction with other natural treatment modalities such as exercise and proper nutrition.
Here are the 3 most important nutrients for the ADHD Brain;
1. Protein
Eating protein is most important to individuals with ADHD because foods that are rich in protein are vital in the production of neurotransmitters, which are the chemicals used by the brain's cells to communicate with each other. I always recommend a high protein breakfast in that it provides our brain with the nutrients in needs to better maintain focus and attention, while allowing us to regulate our actions a...
Diagnosing and Treating ADHD in Toddlers?
Even though ADHD has traditionally been seen as a disorder of elementary school children, several people have recently contacting me about their toddlers, (3 and 4 year olds) who seem to fit the description of having ADHD. The question of when one could accurately diagnose a child with ADHD seems appropriate and yet being highly impulsive, distracted and oppositional may very well fit the description of many young children. So, how does one differentiate between a normal active child and a child with ADHD?
According to Dr. Alan Rosenblatt, who is a neurodevelopmental pediatrician, the level of impairment is much more apparent in children who have ADHD. “Children with ADHD are much more extreme than the average three-year -old. It’s not that a child with ADD can’t sit still. It’s that he can’t focus on any activity, even one that’s pleasurable, for any length of time.”
The 2 most apparent behavioral patterns noted in toddlers attending pre-sch...
Avoiding "Unavoidable" Interruptions
When I first thought of writing this post, it was with the idea of providing people with ADD ways to get back on track after unavoidable interruptions, since I was recently asked to address this problem in my blog postings. But the more I really started thinking about all the possible answers, the more I realized that there is no best way to get back on track if you have ADD and are interrupted. In fact, interruptions may make completing a task or project extremely difficult (and nearly impossible) for many to get back on track in a timely fashion. Now I understand that this is not very comforting to hear, but it is often the reality of the situation.
According to what research has shown, the average person working in an office is interrupted approximately every 8 minutes. (That's over 50 times per day) In addition, the average person (without ADHD) takes 5 minutes to recover. That is over 4 hours a day, spent being interrupted and recovering. It would seem to me that almost any...
Parenting Struggling Teens
If you are a parent of a teen, you understand the difficulty of dealing with the pressures that your teen is facing. You care about your teen and want them to be happy, well-adjusted, and to have a successful future. But when you see your teen struggling, it is hard to know how to get through these difficult times let alone see how it is going to be on the other side. You may feel like you are on a roller coaster just as you see your teen. But you're also hoping when in the world are we getting off!!! You have talked to other parents around you who have been going through similar bumps, but you're not sure if yours is different. If you are concerned about your teen and your gut is telling you something is not right, listen to that voice. Having your teen talk to a counselor can give them relief they never knew they could have. If you know your teen, they may not want to talk, or just tell you they're busy, or they can talk to somebody else. They may not be aware that they could feel re...
TEN TIPS for Improving Communication with Your Teen
TEN TIPS For improving Communication with your Teen
Talk with your teen about himself/herself, their interests, wishes, dreams, problems, and fears. Listen without interrupting. This will show your child, they can talk to you if they are in trouble which will open a door, many parents will find closed. This step is important to create an open space where they can start to feel comfortable to talk. Keep calm even when you are feeling emotional in response to your teen. Being calm will increase the trust of your teen. Begin and end your conversations with a positive comment or advice, this helps them see that you are on their side and gives them something to look forward to. So when you have a concern, they won’t feel on the defense. The key here is to helping them see you are not their enemy. Giving them something positive also helps them see they are capable and that you have faith in them. It may be difficult, but respect and hear your teen’s point of view. After hearing t...
Parenting Teens and TEN TIPS for improving your Relationship
It can be very difficult being the parent of a teen that is faced with balancing so many pressures. Most teens are trying to balance so many things at once, school, friendships, peer-pressure, sports, and family. These responsibilities can be overwhelming at times and can be difficult to balance. You may have seen changes in your teens behavior and mood that have caused you concern. You may have tried to share your concern with them, but have felt shut out. All you have wanted is for your child to be successful, happy, and come out of these years well-adjusted. Are you in distress about your struggling teen? Teen counseling can help your child become more confident in themselves and their choices. Family counseling can help the whole family become closer and help you to enjoy each other as you envision it. Are you overwhelmed as your teen seems to be out of control? Do you wonder will my teen end up happy, independent, and well-adjusted? Many parents struggle with these questions witho...
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