Find a Therapist
Share this Blog
Spirituality and The Inner Child
Core spiritual therapy entails learning to go within and communicate with the inner child. There are several parts to the inn...
Couples and Marriage Counseling
When a couple comes in for counseling together, it usually means that they would like to find out if they can repair the rela...
Anxiety and Phobias
Anxiety can be crippling, especially if it is free-floating anxiety, as if you were thrown into a state with no beginning and...
Healing Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse: Men and Women
Over the years I have had many patients who knowingly or unknowingly come to my office with the issue of child sexual abuse. ...
Healing Grief and Loss
The object of grief and loss counseling is to discover the deeper meaning of the loss youhave experienced. First, let us take...
- August 2011
- September 2011
- October 2011
- November 2011
- December 2011
- January 2012
- February 2012
- March 2012
- April 2012
- May 2012
- June 2012
- July 2012
- August 2012
- September 2012
- October 2012
- November 2012
- December 2012
- January 2013
- February 2013
- March 2013
- April 2013
- May 2013
- June 2013
- July 2013
- August 2013
- September 2013
- October 2013
- November 2013
- December 2013
- January 2014
- February 2014
- March 2014
- April 2014
- May 2014
- June 2014
- July 2014
- August 2014
- September 2014
- October 2014
Snickerdoodles, Pain and Discomfort
What might snickerdoodles have to do with relationships?
I was recently reading the Huffington Post with their pros giving tips on best strategies for health in 2013. In her short article Eve Hogan lists some smart and simple strategies for relationship health:
1) Remember What Your Goal Is: A Healthy, Loving Relationship
2) Step Two: Simply Notice Your Own Response To The Event
3) Step Three: Ask Yourself If Your Actions, Thoughts And Words Are Leading You Closer To Your Goal — Or Further Away
Of course these steps make perfect sense and are quite useful in bringing awareness to our actions with our partners and significant others. What is so interesting to me is that ALL of us WANT to be in a health relationship that is loving, compassionate, respectful and kind. How in the world do we get from such a strong and solid WANT to such a sticky mess that can bring us to our knees (or to divorce, estrangement, and incredible pain).
In most aspects of the rest of our lives, we simply manifest what we desire. I want to be an architect. I go to school and am an architect. I want to be vegan. I make life choices and am a vegan. I want to be a gardner. I take a class, get some dirt, plant some seeds and poof…gardner.
When you go to the kitchen to make chocolate chip cookies you pull out the necessary ingredients and you always get chocolate chip cookies. Always. They are never oatmeal cookies or snickerdoodles. When you move in with your girlfriend and want love and compassion…wait a minute…why are we not always getting love and compassion here?! I want love and compassion and am getting pain and discomfort. Think: I want chocolate chip but am getting snickerdoodles.
If you are cooking and discover that you have snickerdoodle instead of chocolate chip you likely will not begin to yell at the snickerdoodle dough that it is doing it wrong… You probably would not stomp around in exacerbation casting disdainful looks at the offending dough. You are likely not disturbed by its cinnamony goodness. If you are cooking, you would realize that you chose the wrong recipe and you would look for the recipe that produces what you want.
How come it does not seem to work out like this in our relationships?
On some level, deep down many of us have old beliefs that we are bad, wrong, unlovable, inadequate, broken, and not good enough. And when I say deep down…I do mean it can be deep deep down. These deep seated beliefs (think: recipes) have a powerful effect on what we manifest in our lives as they can play out for us over and over and over again.
The really cool part? We can change our beliefs! Yay and hallelujah!
Your job…find a recipe that words to produce the relationships that you want. Use it. Tweak it to make it just right. And then flourish in it!
© Copyright 2014 by Jenny Glick, therapist in Denver, Colorado. All rights reserved.