Are past hurts, perhaps by a friend, family member, or colleague holding you back?
Are you struggling to keep your head held high after a disappointment?
Are you feeling sideswiped by a betrayal?
Are you open to release your hurt, heal your heart, and move forward into a freer, fuller, and more expansive experience of being alive?
If your answer is “Yes,” to one or more of these questions, I have a truly helpful gift for you today!
It’s a new list I’ve created that will support you in forgiving those whose behavior, actions or words hurt you, disappointed you or betrayed you, so that you can set yourself free to move into a freer, fuller, brighter future.
Choose the thought or action that fits you and it’s my gift to you.
Few people remember we create and maintain hurt, disappointment and sadness, because it gives a sense of self-importance and a raison d’être. Perhaps this explains what prompts many people to often hold onto the pain far beyond its ability to serve them.
Do you replay past mistakes over and over again in your head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape your actions in the present. You might cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives you power. You might hold stress in your mind and body, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.
Here are 40 ways to let go of any hurt, stress or disappointment:
1. Learn a new skill instead of ruminating and dwelling on the skills you haven’t mastered.
2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise. We are mirrors for each other. What is their mirror telling you that you need to master, let go of or manage differently?
3. Cry–Tears shift and cleanse the toxic energy. Research by Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis revealed crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemistry that build up in your body due to stress.
4. Shift your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.
5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment—instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the past or future.
6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones—and add to it daily. You need to let go of a little discontentment to make space for self-satisfaction and peace of mind.
7. Visualize a section in your brain labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things ‘should be’ or ‘should have been’, mentally toss the thoughts in this box.
8. Engage in physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind. Approximately 99% of the mass of the human body consists of six elements: oxygen, carbon, hydrogen,nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. Only about 0.85% is composed of another five elements:potassium, sulfur, sodium, chlorine, and magnesium. All 11 are necessary for life.
9. Focus your energy on that which you have control—instead of dwelling on things you don’t.
10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, such as writing or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release those feelings. When you notice yourself focusing on the negative feelings, remember to shift your thoughts to something positive.
Let go of Anger and Resentment
11. Feel the Anger and Resentment fully. When you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion, you need to feel it fully.
12. Give yourself a rant opportunity. Let yourself vent for 5 to 30-minutes before addressing the person who ‘hurt, disappointed or betrayed you. Ranting briefly diffuses the hostility and gives you time to plan a rational statement.
13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you. Remember the anger you hold is analogous to you taking poison to watch the other person die. Then visualize your anger melting away as an act of kindness and compassion to yourself.
14. When possible express your anger to the person who offended you. Communicating how you feel may help you move on. And it gives the other person an opportunity to know how their comments and actions impacted you. Keep in mind that you can’t control how the offender responds; you can only control how clearly, kindly and compassionately you express yourself.
15. Take responsibility for your reaction and feelings. Many times when you are angry, you focus on what someone did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could do better or shift, you will feel empowered and less resentful.
16. Step into the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.
17. Metaphorically throw it away. For example, jog with a backpack full of small rocks. After you’ve built up a fast pace, toss the rocks one by one, labeling each as a piece of your anger. When all the rocks are tossed, you will notice huge emotional relief as the weight is lifted.
18. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it. Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to express more fully what you’re feeling.
19. Put a rubber band on your wrist each time you have angry, sadness or resentment thoughts–. This trains your mind to notice how that type of persistent negativity impacts you. Several rubber bands will feel uncomfortable. People might ask why you have rubber bands on your wrist. What will you tell them?
20. Recognize you have three options: Remove yourself from the situation, Change it, or Accept it. These acts create peace of mind and happiness; holding onto anger, sadness or resentment never does.
Shift Past Relationships
21. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.
22. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now. Furthermore, writing your experience and feelings will help you recognize the opportunity to manage the situation better or to let go of your faulty perception and reaction.
23. Remember to write both the positive and the negative. Even if it appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver stated, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”
24. Un-romanticize the way you view love–i.e. Love Is Not A Feeling. Of course, you feel devastated if you believe you lost someone special. When you remind yourself you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on.
25. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love is still within. That person was awesome then and still is. Now you have the opportunity to meet someone who will appreciate who you are and what you are about.
26. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down all pictures; delete email. Remember they were a mirror for you and you were a mirror for them. Reflect on what you learned–both positive and negative. For example: I know now what a Narcissist acts like in the beginning, middle and end of a relationship. Now, I will avoid being drawn into a relationship quickly to meet the Narcissist’s time line–a.k.a. modus operandi (MO).
27. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Give yourself something special after you delete his/her number from your phone, or meet with friends after putting all her/his things in a box to discard them.
28. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”
29. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, such as; “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”
30. Use the silly voice technique. Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, states swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back your power from the negative thoughts.
Let Go Of Stress
31. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment.
32. Immerse yourself in group activities. Enjoying the people in your life will help put your issues in perspective.
33. Eckhart Tolle stated: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you will help you let it go.
34. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace, light it and watch it ‘go up in flames’.
35. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking stressful thoughts you, then shift your thoughts to something positive and pleasant, such as your passion for your hobby.
36. Take a sauna break. Studies reveal that people who use a sauna at least twice a week for ten to thirty minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t.
37. Imagine your life ten years from now. Then look twenty years into the future, and then thirty. Realize that many of the things you’re worrying about don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
38. Organize your desk, closet or kitchen. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.
39. Use it up. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress and one with actions to address them. As you complete these tasks, visualize yourself utilizing and depleting your “stress supply.”
40. Laugh about it–see the irony. Research reveals that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you are unable to relax for long, start with ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube. At last, but not least, “Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors.” -Norman Cousins The Remarkable Story of Norman Cousins – Laugh Off Life The Remarkable Story of Norman Cousins, who saved his life from a debilitating illness. “Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors.” -Norman Cousins
No doubt you will think of things to add to this list—for other areas of life where you need to practice letting go, and other techniques to start doing it right now.
This moment is the first moment of the rest of your life.
You might need to ask for assistance to clear out the self-doubt, fear, guilt, shame or unworthiness.
Here’s to living your dream life NOW.
This is an investment in your health, happiness, success, fulfillment, and enlightenment. Following the principles in this process will change your life forever and I want you to experience it yourself as soon as possible. Remember only you can take care of your happiness and mental, emotional, physical health and professional success.