Some folks want to avoid confrontation at all costs. If you need some quick hints on whether or not to bring up a sore subject, continue reading.

  1. Is the sore subject my stuff or another’s?  Sometimes folks personalize their partner’s complaints and think it is about them. When in doubt, the complaint may be venting about oneself and not an assessment of the friend or partner.
  2. Wait or tackle it now?  If an ongoing quandary keeps you up at night, gather your questions and then set a time to talk with your partner. Interrogating your partner unexpectedly about something that has both of you in limbo will feel like an attack. Being in limbo may not generate the best feeling in the world. But know that usually partners want was best for the relationship and not only oneself.
  3. Increasing your tolerance threshold – Anxiety and depression can kick in when you encounter the same problem repeatedly or the original experience is prolonged.  A useful tip to combat your reactivity is to evaluate what in life has been similar and survivable. If you remember that event you may want to apply that solution to the current issue.
  4. Avoidance – There are lessons from the effects of avoiding a problem.  When trying to decide whether or not to take action; identify your criteria for implementing a plan. Then design your plan to fit those criteria.  For example excessive worry that leads to sleepless nights or a pattern of increased arguing may be the signs, that it is time to start researching counseling modalities.

Conflict is an expected part of life. The worst may the internal ones that a person experiences silently. Questions and doubt can cause depression, anxiety and irritability. All of those can cause arguments. When in doubt seek help from someone outside of the situation. If you need total neutrality and real world experience seek a counselor.

Take care. Come talk to me.