Boundaries for Empaths…
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Empaths are highly sensitive individuals who easily take on other energies. I would highly recommend the book “Energetic Boundaries” by Cindi Dale as a starting point for protecting your own energy. First of all, tuning in to your authentic self, your authentic being and who you are, will allow you to maintain your true self and not lose yourself in a relationship. Always maintaining time each day for your own personal self-love practices.
Empaths lead with their hearts, unconditionally loving others and will love others so much that when its not reciprocated they lose themselves, unable and not wanting to see the other person suffer. These people need to develop boundaries and understand their worth, decide how they want to feel. Anything less should be a clue to step back and evaluate whether this relationship is healthy or not.
A fellow Life Coach and came up with the Magnet Hypothesis the other day. We were talking about how Empaths are typically drawn to narcissists or emotionally unavailable people when they are super charged and healthy because they are like two magnets. The positive super charged empath wants to give love to negative charge. Empaths need to realize that they are not meant to heal and fix everyone and that a healthy relationship exists between two people who want to better themselves. That they are not responsible for the others’ needs but their combined energy motivates and encourages the other to grow out of love for eachother. Codependency is wanting to take care of someone and teach them rather than allowing them to learn the lessons on their own. This is also very unhealthy. A balance exists when both partners are focussed on their own growth by supporting one another. Another friend and amazing coach told me the other day “Everything worth learning in life is a Paradox” aka, everything in life is best in balance. Yes, we should be emotionally available to surrender to the other person’s love, and want to be there for them as they make the effort to grow. But if you try to teach them and be the crutch for their every fall, that is unhealthy. Just as being emotionally unavailable is unhealthy on the other end.
Tony Robbins teaches the three levels of relationships as follows;
THE THREE LEVELS OF RELATIONSHIP
LEVEL ONE: SELFISH LOVE: MY NEEDS COME FIRST
This is the least mature level – one or both partners are focused on meeting their own needs first. The relationship is fragile. There is an erosion of trust and togetherness and there is regular conflict or dispute. Every gesture, every gift, every concession or compromise has strings attached. Nothing is given out of free will, only out of a wish for barter, fairness or personal gain. Everything is a ploy, a calculation, an advance payment creating debt. It is difficult to accept love because we never know what the price might be.
LEVEL TWO: CONDITIONAL LOVE: YOU GET YOURS AND I GET MINE
This level is based on a subtle agreement between the couple: “You get yours and I get mine.” Because there is always a weighing of mine and yours, there is the ever-present danger of devolving to level one selfishness where I didn’t get mine, so you don’t get yours. In many couples, level two is based on common consideration and fair exchange, but often there is so much independence and inequality between the couple, that the partners lose the ability to move each other at all. Everything is polite, chummy and sexually neutral.
LEVEL THREE: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: THE OTHER’S NEEDS COME FIRST
Both partners put each other first and passion flows. When a partner discovers the other’s need, he or she serves that need spontaneously in the best way possible without calculating a payback. The partners are constantly making the effort to understand each other better in order to serve each other. They have figured each other out and know how to pleasure each other intensely. They love each other unconditionally and nothing is needed for the love to be expressed. When there is a foundation of trust, partners can express themselves in darker and naughtier ways to give their relationship a suspenseful edge. If the “center of gravity” of the relationship is at level three, the partners are “in the zone,” enjoying one of the most rare and precious experiences of life.
Unconditional love creates the purest and most loving relationships so how do we balance and know where boundaries need to be incorporated?
** The 3 month rule. Have you heard of the 3 month rule? Why do companies have a 3 month probation period? Because no one can hold up and keep a lie for any longer than that. It’s been proven.
For all situations and a high level of discernment is required. Discernment comes from acute listening within. If you start to feel drained after being around someone that should be a good indication of someone blocking your peace, love and happiness. Boundaries are most important at the beginning of a relationship, in order to establish and feel safe knowing that there is a high level of mutual respect and trust. When asserting boundaries, the other half should be respectful of them and vice versa. Avoid oversharing but also don’t be completely closed off. Make sure the other partner respects your needs and how you deserve to be treated. If it is a match, you will feel good in eachothers’ presence, information will be safely kept and things will feel easy. When it’s not a match there will be a lot of issues.
A final word, make sure to continue prioritizing self love. It’s easy to become enmeshed if you spend every second with the new person. A healthy amount of alone time gives way for introspection and reflection on the current situation. Also, Self-Love is the path to loving others. We can’t give what we don’t already have for ourselves.