Finding a partner online can really bite! Am I right? I remember meeting my husband and all the guys who came before him. There were times that I accidentally mislead others or felt mislead myself. So to that guy I met that told me I was larger than expected because one of those pesky check boxes, I really am sorry.  I am also very grateful for this person who was honest and helped me realize I needed to change…and he really was pretty kind about it. So online dating can be filled with moments like mine or much worse if you found yourself on an episode of MTV’s Catfish. In the end…I am one of the lucky ones. I met my husband and we are married happily….but it’s not because of Match.com.

Fast forward in time and we now have so many dating sites in the market but are they really doing anything to help you meet your partners or is it really more about chance? Online dating algorithms try to match you with someone who checks off on the same common interests that you want or have. So this is the whole secret to those dating sites…they think you need to be with someone who is just like you. Having common interests is definitely important, but if that were enough then we would have a much lower divorce rate among Patriots fans. Sorry Patriot fans….you have the same divorce rate but I’m sure you have some really fun Monday night football parties!

So what really makes love last if it’s not having things in common? Love is about having enough things in common enough to be attracted, but after we meet it’s not really all that important anymore. There is one thing that matters much more than the perfect partner: finding the one who is a great friend.  A great partner will be involved in your life, ask you questions when they don’t understand your feelings, and they will take the time to treat you like a person on the same team even if you fight.

So when we date online, it’s important to remember that it’s not all about chemistry and matches on your eHarmony account. To find a great partner online, we need to be and look for specific relationship features that are known to support long term relationship health. So if you grew up in a less than ideal family like me…. don’t go with your instincts alone. Educate yourself and work with Coach or Therapist who can help you be a really amazing partner and avoid all those bad matches.