I love to hear moms express how much they love their children and how every day they see the good in them. As a mom I can be frustrated with my kids at any given moment but anyone else say anything about my kids I turn into a mother BEAR!!
Kids with addiction and addictive behaviours need their moms on any given day and no matter whether they’re angry frustrated or just don’t want to go to school (because they’re tired} they need their moms to hold them accountable anyway. Keep doing what you’re doing !
Mothers and fathers ask the question “is it our parenting?” It’s hard to admit defeat when it comes to why kids are using drugs but most of them tell me that they want to be older than they are they want to be more dependent but they still want to be parented. They say they struggle feeling torn between what they know is best and parents wish for them and the pressure thay put upon themselves from peers they are spending time with. Low self esteem is then the driver for building dependence then leading to Substance Use Disorder. The pressure to be a teenager is very real for them and learn to escape emotion as best they can because it’s those feelings that cause anyone to want to run, avoid at all costs.
Lack of Confidence. Many shy teenagers who lack confidence report that they’ll do things under the influence of alcohol or drugs that they might not otherwise. This is part of the appeal of drugs and alcohol even for relatively self-confident teens; you have the courage to dance if you’re a bad dancer, or sing at the top of your lungs even if you have a terrible voice, or kiss the girl you’re attracted to. And alcohol and other drugs tend not only to loosen your inhibitions but to alleviate social anxiety. Not only do you have something in common with the other people around you, but there’s the mentality that if you do anything or say anything stupid, everyone will just think you had too many drinks or smoked too much weed. If drug use wasn’t pleasurable, it would be relatively easy to keep kids and harmful substances separated. But the reality is that many kids enjoy the way they feel on drugs — at least for a while.
Today I had a kid who thinks that foster care is a better option than his own loving family home with two loving parents. He thinks this way because he’s been hanging out with older kids and he thinks he needs to be tough, do more drugs than anyone else and the personna that using drugs rebelling any type of rules and guidance is what he needs to do to be OK with himself and others.
There are three obvious implications: First, it is important that kids find their niche in the right peer group(s), among friends who are not only committed to positive values (including a drug-free lifestyle) but also involved in worthwhile and enjoyable pursuits. Second, you may have to intervene if your adolescent (especially in the early teen years) is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Finally, children and adolescents with a healthy, stable identity and an appropriate sense of independence will be more resistant to peer pressure.
A conviction that “it can’t happen to me” or that the consequences don’t matter. Many teenagers and young adults are prone to assume their own invulnerability or immortality, make shortsighted decisions, or shrug off the most fervent warnings about life’s pitfalls and perils with a smirk or the defiant pronouncement “I don’t care.” Shedding this perspective, learning to weigh consequences and adopting a long-range view of life are normal parts of maturing into adulthood. Unfortunately, some who become deeply involved in drug use remain stuck in an immature, self-destructive mind-set.
How do we get them unstuck? As a parent, knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are as a parent can help you identify the skills you need to raise healthy, mature and responsible children.
Here are some signs that may indicate your kid has a problem.
- Your kid shows a sudden change in behaviour, a change in appearance, or a change in attitude to you or other family members.
- Your kid may become more secretive, or less helpful at home.
- School grades drop, or you find money missing.
- Your kid has a new group of friends, or doesn’t bring friends home any more.
These could be warnings that your daughter or son is involved with drugs. But remember, adolescence is naturally a time for great change; there may be other causes for these changes. Try not to jump to conclusions.
What do you mean, don’t panic?
Guilt, fear, and anger are natural reactions when you suspect your kid is on drugs. But wait. Calm down before discussing your concerns with your child. Approach drug use the same way you would approach any other issue with your child. If you aren’t sure about what to do, find help in your community.
My kid doesn’t listen to me.
Listening is a two-way street. Are you listening to your kid? Are you paying attention to what she’s saying? Lecturing an adolescent is seldom effective.
How serious is it?
Find out what you’re dealing with — the type of drug or drugs being used, and the extent and frequency of use.
What if my kid denies using drugs?
Don’t turn it into a confrontation. Leave the discussion to another time. Show you have confidence in your child. Praising him when he does things well can improve his self-esteem.
There is always hope and people that can help you navagate and process the issues you face.
First, don’t panic and don’t overreact. The worst thing you can do right now is get angry at your child and lose control. You need to be as calm as you can be and try to understand why your child is taking drugs and how much of a problem it is.
Also, don’t blame yourself. It is normal to feel that you have failed your child or begin telling yourself that you have been a lousy parent. But this is not a healthy time to focus your energy and emotions in a destructive way on your parenting.
And then, I advise that before you talk to your teen, you talk to others about a possible course of action. If you know of other parents who have shared a similar experience, learn from them. Certainly, don’t be afraid of seeking professional help. It’s also important to know what substance your child is taking and its effects so that you can be prepared in an emergency.