As a life coach, I communicate with many potential clients during my complimentary discovery calls. There is one question that I get asked the most…Why don’t I offer couple coaching sessions? This blog will address why I have a policy of not coaching couples together.
Intimacy is such a spectrum of personal choices, experiences, and desires. There are so many factors that go into why a is turned on by a certain act, look, or scenario. Childhood traumas and experiences are never truly shared experiences by two people. The things a person experiences, especially during the onset of puberty, can and does shape what turns them on and off later in life. Another key factor is religious upbringing or the lack thereof. A person raised in a strict religious household may have a more conservative view on intimacy versus a person raised in a home where religion wasn’t as prevalent. Those are just a few examples of what can make a person like what they like, but really, it just is what it is sometimes. Often, there’s no rhyme or reason to why a person desires something and that’s totally okay.
Freedom to speak honestly and freely. I don’t care how long a couple has been together, they do NOT know all the deep desires and kinks their partner might have. There’s always SOMETHING that a partner keeps hidden. I think that it’s better for a coach to be able to know that during a session a client is being honest. Sitting next to your partner often hinders the way a person will answer a question or recall an event. For coaching to truly be successful, transparency is of the utmost importance.
Perspective, two people can view the same event and have two totally different perspectives of what occurred at the event. This is the reason why I coach couples but in separate sessions. For example, I had a couple and the husband’s chief complaint was that he felt unwanted by his wife. After a session with his wife, I discovered that he offers, no foreplay doesn’t know or listen to her body, and only seemed to be concerned with his orgasm. I called the husband back and asked him one simple question…” What turns your wife on?” He could not answer. That let me know that the issue with the couple’s lack of intimacy wasn’t on the wife’s part at all. It was the husband that needed to be a more attentive lover and learn to listen to his wife’s body. I was able to figure this out in ONE “session”. If I had this couple sitting together, I feel the wife would have not been as forthcoming and the husband wouldn’t have been more receptive to my guidance.
To sum it up, I do coach couples, but only in separate sessions and never repeat what’s told to me by the partner. In the end, my goal is to have my client live the best life for THEM. Often, it’s not with the person they think it is. A nonjudgmental, safe space to be transparent and open is often needed when seeking clarity. That is exactly what’s offered here at Intimacy Life Coaching. You can rest assured that you are free to speak freely about what YOU need in order to live the life YOU love.