I am a relationship counselor. I work with women whose relationships have become the source of major stress, frustration, anger, sadness and confusion. Failed or failing relationships hurt. They hurt because hopes get dashed, sacrifices are not appreciated and what once felt like love has become something difficult to recognize. And so yes, you and I both know that troubled relationships can be painful. The sadness and confusion of heartache has its place, but it doesn't have to dominate. Instead, allow it to be a turning point. Use the moment to tend to yourself; to explore your goals and to create for yourself, a more fulfilling future. This is a journey worth taking and I would be honored to be your guide. I have developed a 3 step system for healing the wounds of a troubled relationship: Replenish Recalibrate and Relaunch, a 90 day process designed to: provide and promote emotional safety; self-nurturing; and a pathway to healthy, loving relationships.
REPLENISH: We invest so much of ourselves into our relationships, it is sometimes hard to recognize the emotional, physical and even spiritual drain that an unhealthy relationship can have on a person. Because when things are going well the investment seems wise. We happily give of our time, hope, money, dreams, space, energy, vehicles and patience in the name of love. However, when things begin to go left, we may become a little bit wary, but we continue to give. Why? Because we are committed. Though the giddiness of fresh love fades, and our battered hopes are dashed again and again, we continue to give. Although the giving becomes sacrificial, forced almost, we give. It’s difficult to know when to stop, cut bait, pull the plug. Friends and family mean well, but they don’t understand. You don’t even understand. But you do know that you are tired, frustrated, confused. You are on the verge of emotional bankruptcy. That’s right your efforts to salvage your relationship have drained you of your personal resources.
What you need now is Replenishment. To heal, you need to be nourished: mind, body and spirit. In the REPLENISH phase, we create and maintain a place of Emotional Safety. This therapeutic process includes: a no judgement zone; empathic listening; supportive discussion; guided imagery, recommended readings, activities, and music at a pace that is calming for you. Your level of comfort is paramount. This process will be tailored to your needs.
RECALIBRATE: By the time you begin the Recalibrate phase, you will have had the opportunity to replenish your personal resources by quieting the noise and focusing on self-care through the nourishment of your mind, body and spirit. Healing has begun. Your emotional strength and energy levels have increased and are continuing to rise. Hopefully you will continue to integrate concepts from phase one (Replenish) into your lifestyle.
Now is the appropriate time for self-examination with the emphasis on learning: to identify personal strengths; to understand your personal life narrative; to recognize the effectiveness and/or ineffectiveness of your personal coping strategies; to use new found information to reshape your vision of self; and to RECALIBRATE how that new, more worthy and powerful vision of you will interact with others.
RELAUNCH: Entering the Relaunch phase of this process is exciting, like a butterfly leaving its chrysalis. You are different, more complex and more capable, but still you. The world looks different not because it is, but because you are. Your presence alone will make a statement. Initially, the world might not recognize your change and might try to treat you like a caterpillar. The world may try to draw you in and drape you with old, familiar patterns, but those clothes won’t fit because now you have wings. It will be up to you to help them understand the beauty of your change, to recognize value in your complexity. You will create space and set boundaries by spreading your wings. You will float above pettiness in a way that caterpillars never can by spreading your wings. Know that some will no longer want to keep your company. Wish them well. Others will be drawn to you. Know your worth. Value those who value you for reasons that you can appreciate. Your only obligation is common courtesy. As you navigate new territory, we will be there to help you establish and maintain this new normal. We will be there to provide support and encouragement as you face resistance. We will be there beaming with pride as you overcome challenges and embrace new opportunities.
