Licensed Professional Counselor, Couples & Sex Therapy, Discernment Counselor, Healing Separation, Co-Parenting, Non-Adversarial Divorce Support
Non-Adversarial Divorce Support
Aspects of my work with people include seeing if they are able to relaunch their relationship, engage in a healing separation or move toward divorce. I am committed to compassionately helping people find the option that is right for them. I am trained by the Connecticut Council for Non-Adversarial Divorce and have taken the Mediation and Collaborative Divorce courses. I am child-focused in my work with you. I can partner with your mediator or collaborative divorce provider as we proceed in our work.
I deal with the emotional and behavioral parts of the divorce which usually takes form in impasses that are fueled from when the partners were a couple.
Initial Call with Prospective Clients
I quite often speak to prospective clients during an initial call and at least one partner describes they don’t know what direction to take in terms of their relationship. What they do know is that they are at a point where they are stuck and they don’t know how to stop their negative cycles, and in many instances, they question whether they want to continue to work on the relationship at all moving forward. The next step is that we schedule an initial meeting where the partners discuss openly where each is in terms of the relationship.
Partners are advised that in my practice, I offer the following models for partners: Couples Therapy, Discernment Counseling, Healing Separation, and/or Divorce Support sessions. Clients decide on what model is right for them dependent on what they discuss and/or decide from the initial phone call and/or their initial session. There are some instances where partners are very clear what direction they need to take in our initial phone call, and they move directly toward scheduling a Divorce Support Session. I would like prospective clients to click the above links to these pages on this website and review each model to help them better determine which one may be correct for them. Sometimes after our initial call, and reading the other pages on this website, clients are still really unsure of what direction to take. For these clients, in most cases, they can benefit from one or more Discernment Counseling sessions to see where they are at in terms of progressing or not in the relationship.
I have also found that my background as a Certified Sex Therapist is also helpful to assist partners, where some of their underlying issues may also be related to intimacy. At certain points, partners are no longer looking to work on issues related to intimacy in their current relationship, but they relay to me that my sex therapy background is helpful in assisting them in the process.
For Those Partners Who Decide on Divorce Support Sessions:
Non-Adversarial Divorce Support in my office is available to all religious and/or cultural beliefs, genders including non-binary, all forms of sexuality, as well as monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. My office is a judgement-free zone and a safe space to discuss any relationship. Some clients have never married and are coming in for the same reasons as divorcing partners, in all instances, I recommend that clients also consult other supportive divorce professionals to get a complete overview (legal, financial, and real estate).
I am a therapist member of the Connecticut Council of Non-Adversarial Divorce (CCND) hyperlink to this page: https://gooddivorcect.com/non-adversarial-divorce/
Unresolved conflicts have sometimes been left unaddressed for so long or addressed without resolution that one at least one partner feels like the relationship can no longer be repaired. For others, they may have become aware that they are incompatible in some fundamental aspect(s) of their relationship that precludes relaunching. Partners contemplating divorce can benefit greatly from working with me; as we carefully consider the options and try to get a consensus on the important decisions that need to be made for the partners and/or any children.
I empower clients that I work with to take hold of their own divorce, so that it remains non-adversarial and protective of their emotional and physical health, and that of any children. I am part of an ever-growing movement of professionals to help partners mindfully and consciously divorce. This is a very delicate time for my clients, and I strive to provide a very confidential and comforting environment to help them through this difficult time.
• You are entitled to have a mental health professional (like myself) collaborate with your mediator, and/or join you in your collaborative divorce meetings. I have helped partners compromise and come “back to the table” when things have come to a halt in their work with their other professionals. An example would be scheduling sessions to discuss sticking points on a parenting plan. Sometimes mediators will recommend that their clients come to me in an effort to come together on disagreements in regard to Co-parenting (link). Clients can learn a great deal in these sessions that they apply going forward.
• In New York and Connecticut, and most other states, there is an Alternative Dispute Resolution Model (ADR), which is designed to be Non-Adversarial that includes Mediation and/or Collaborative Divorce. ADR professionals include: Family Relations Counselors at the Courts, Mediators, Mental Health Professionals, Collaborative Attorneys and Judges.
NY: http://ww2.nycourts.gov/ip/adr/index.shtml
CT: https://jud.ct.gov/forms/grouped/family/divorce.htm
• Counseling is not a substitute for legal advice, and I encourage my clients to consult with an attorney in regard to for any legal questions and/or services.
Divorce Support Sessions are not Couples Therapy.
Divorce Support Sessions do not create legally binding agreements, nor do they contain legal services and/or advice; as I am a Licensed Professional Counselor.
Benefits of Divorce Support Sessions
I help my clients who are considering divorce by structuring our sessions to keep the priority on making decisions and compromises. My clients often reduce their legal fees as a result of our sessions, as they are better able to present their questions or requests to their advisor with clarity and are less reactive toward their divorcing partner(s). In addition, the emotional and physical toll is reduced because disagreement and stonewalling are worked through in our sessions, thereby saving some of the attorney costs. Partners quite often bring the content of our discussions and/or agreements from sessions to their supportive divorce professionals (legal, financial, mental health, real estate), which results in a more organized and cost-effective process overall, as well as protecting your health from stress-induced illnesses.
Your Divorce Support Sessions with Me
I have created a safe and non-adversarial office environment for partners who are considering separation (hyperlink to my healing separation page) and/or divorce to reduce conflict, emotional and physical pain, negative impacts on their children, and lessen legal fees. Non-adversarial support also helps to prevent legal abuse directed toward partners. When partners state that they have a desire to work together, and not against each other in this process, even though communication may not be optimal with their current partner(s), I am able to help them do the essential and difficult work of trying to build a structure of respect and clarity with their divorcing partner.
We will also discuss what Mediation, Collaborative Divorce and Litigation are and the pros and cons of each.
With many divorcing partners, there is just one asking for the divorce, so it can be very difficult for another partner to offer kindness and respect. This is precisely why it is essential to come in for divorce support sessions, so you can be supported in continuing to redirect your own precious resources toward compromise and positive communication, instead of punishment and pain.
Co-Parenting Is Part of Divorce Support Sessions
If you have children, my background as a former teacher and school counselor, and current licensed professional counselor, will provide the professional assistance of how to support the emotional, physical, and educational needs of the children. I also have two Masters' degrees; one in Counseling and the other in Education. We work on specific strategies and tools to improve Co-parenting communication and agreements.
It is important for divorcing partners to minimize any possible emotional trauma for any children involved, including adult children, as well as themselves. Keep in mind that children can still thrive during and after a divorce, as long as they have at least one parent or guardian who provides a safe, nurturing and consistent home for them. Children will feel pain and grief, and it’s up to the co-parents to unify together to provide the emotional support that is needed to help the children adjust and heal over time. This emotional support at times can also include providing the proper therapeutic licensed professional to work with your family and/or child. Children and younger tweens can benefit from play therapy and the whole family can benefit from creative arts therapy.
It is recommended for co-parents to consider this non-adversarial process to keep their main focus on the health and well-being of their children.
NOTE: Co-parenting support is not Couples Therapy!
Self-Care is Part of Divorce Support Sessions:
Ask yourself: If you create a better relationship with yourself, will that help you during this process?
Divorcing partners must begin to re-think the question of "who's to blame?" When a relationship has not been what it needed to be for the partners, all parties have some responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship. It is sometimes hard to believe this statement because each partner is so focused on all the ways the other person(s) hurt them or wasn’t enough for them, etc. Divorcing partners report that when they continually work on lowering their own reactivity by not blaming, they feel more grounded in this process. Continuing to try and reduce your reactivity (aka anger) toward your partner(s) is a form of self-care.
Develop a good support system; including but not limited to attending individual therapy, getting out in nature, spending time with supportive, non-judgmental people, eat better and drink more water.
Read and watch videos, take classes, attend lectures, and/or take seminars to increase your awareness of yourself. Reading and learning all you can, will help make the process more healing rather than adversarial.
Please also see Discernment Counseling page
Please also see Healing Separation page
Please also see Divorce Recovery page
Please also see Co-Parenting Counseling page
38 Years Experience
