This blog is based on a book review for class. The hope of this review is to create a resource that helps clients better understand the therapeutic process—particularly the roles of anxiety, defenses, and emotional engagement.
While people come to therapy either needing change, wanting change or hearing they need to change- understanding the process it takes to change can be difficult to understand. How I breakdown the process of therapy to my clients is simply put: you have a problem, lets identify the problem, lets discuss the reasons they are considered problems and what are you willing to do to change the problem. Another way of saying this is “So I hear you have some feelings that are reoccurring and nothing you have tried has worked. How open are you now to facilitate that change?” It will most likely be hard, confusing and at some times will be challenging. “How committed are you to putting in the work to create the change you are wanting?” We all want to change somethings about ourselves but when it comes to actually doing the work, we stumble because the reality is: change is hard. You would have to be honest with yourself when it comes to your behaviors, your feelings and how far you will go to change. Simply put, how honest are you with yourself when addressing your feelings, defenses, behaviors and motivation for change?
Let’s discuss one of the main causes that keeps us from changing- our defenses. Defenses are strategies used to ward of feelings (Frederickson, 2013, p. 5) Like projection, rumination and suppression. Projection means to displace your feelings on to someone else. Ruminating is wondering or speculating to avoid the experience of feelings (Frederickson, 2013, p. 116). Suppression involves the conscious avoidance of feelings (Frederickson, 2013, p.135). Defenses are created to avoid sharing your feelings, hopes and desires (Frederickson, 2013, p. 5) at which sometimes are unknown because we display these characteristics unconsciously (Frederickson, 2013, p. 95). Feeling seen yet? After we address or identify your defense, that comes with some resistance because WE SEE YOU. Not only do we see you, we hold you accountable to the uncomfortable feelings that hinder you from growing or changing. We have learned over time that our defenses protect us and keep us shielded, in return that have isolated us into not understanding or recognizing our true emotions.
Anxiety also plays apart in how to address change in our lives. As we already know, anxiety is a fear based unconscious respond to threat (Frederickson, 2013, p. 35). And we know that fear in return keeps us stuck or unable to change. Once the amygdala activates the somatic and automatic nervous systems (Frederickson, 2013, p. 36), we go into the flight or fight mode. That adaptive response to a perceived threat leads to a maladaptive reaction meaning fear, whether real or imagined (Frederickson, 2013, p. 37.) What are some of your bodily symptoms of anxiety? Remember anxiety is the feeling of the body not the thought (Frederickson, 2013, p. 40). Anxiety gets a bad rap because its association with the inability to move forward but let us not forget how anxiety can be a healthy element for change. Always experiencing the bodily sensations can be enough for one to desire change and actively work on ways of moving anxiety through the body to help foster a healthy connection with your emotions. Another way of putting it, now anxiety is functional because it is a motivator for change. Instead of being stuck in the flight mode, now you are in fight mode which means doing something about it. We can see how anxiety can be flight (keeps us stuck) or fight (actively doing something about it); and it can be scary. Utilizing therapy can help you not only understand how your mind and body respond to anxiety, it can help you develop skills to help with body recognition of your symptoms and work on changing/understanding your thought process that cultivate anxiety but get down to the root of it. (deep breathe, identifying reality versus fantasy, avoidance recognition, changing thought patterns and self-soothing techniques).
The element of resistance takes place when we address the process of emotional change. The focus now is translating the repressed or previously avoided feelings to experiencing those feelings. The process of transitioning from experimental (observe/feeling them) to intellectual (identifying and recognizing). We are working together as a team (alliance) to break through those defenses and confront the underlining emotion collaboratively. The triangle of conflict focuses on the feeling, anxiety and defenses. If a client cannot observe their feelings, they cannot experience them. (Frederickson, 2013, p. 259) We struggle with observing emotions due to our defenses. Self-awareness, self- observation, attention, differentiation, causality and synchronicity are traits that will need to be discussed so that we can move towards the collaborative alliance which focuses on the nature of the problem, treatment goals and unconscious conflict (processing defenses) (Frederickson, 2013, p.262). The goal is to be like the caterpillar in the cocoon. We go into therapy wanting to change. As we trust the process, stop resisting change and accept who we are, and in no time, we become anew or a healed version of ourselves.
While in the therapeutic journey, my role as the therapist is to create a collaborative alliance. Not only am I leaning on warmth and empathy, I am focusing on developing a collaborative effort between you and I. We want to focus on the nature of your problem, treatment and the role I will play in helping you combat your defenses. My role is to help you focus on your unconscious conflicts to expose your true feelings and address/decipher those conflicts at the source. Remember, defenses are created to reduce anxiety and avoid feelings that have most likely been adaptive since childhood. I can probably guess how you are feeling after this brake down. Let us relax, take some deep breathes. You probably have some negative thoughts surfacing, take a minute and remember you motivation for change. It will be hard and a little uncomfortable but all we need is a little faith of a mustard seed, remain present and engaged as much as you can and the process of change begins. Being a part of the therapeutic alliance, we will be challenged with facing/inquiring real emotions (bringing them to light); pointing out the defenses as they arise by asking deep/meaningful questions to separate the feeling from the defense (blocking defenses, returning to the feeling). The goal/achievement from this is to help recreate the motivation and desire for hope within yourself. (Frederickson, 2012.)
I want to reiterate the hard work that comes with understanding and differentiating our feelings, anxiety, and defenses. (Frederickson, 2013, p. 5) It will be difficult to communicate at times what the underline problems, the true feelings and accepting the defenses that were created. Something for you to remember, you are not going through this alone, you have a therapist that not only wants to help you defeat your defense but one who is backing the utilized interventions with resources and collaborating with you to stay moving towards your desired goals that align with you operating from more of your authentic self. When you are ready to take this journey, reach out below. I am happy to help and answer any questions you may have before we start creating our therapeutic alliance.