Falling in lust is easy. It’s automatic requiring no skills. Loving is entirely different requiring great skills.

If all I did was correct people when they talk or write about “falling in love,” I’d be busy for the rest of my life. No one falls in love. One falls in lust. Lusting is automatic. You don’t learn it. Loving is completely different. Love is a choice, it’s not automatic. Loving someone well takes a great deal of skill and consistent commitment.

Falling in lust is about sexual attraction. It only happens when you’re sexually attracted and you can’t choose who you will be attracted to sexually. Love is not about sex. You will love a lot of people. You won’t be sexually attracted to them all.

Love songs are rarely about love. They’re mostly about lust and codependency. “I’m nothing without you,” is a great theme song for a leech. “You are my everything,” is a lovely sentiment, but better reserved for stalkers.

So next time you fall in lust. Call it that. Enjoy it for what it is. And don’t believe anything you or your object of desire says. When the lust eases, then if you choose, you can begin to learn to love.