Horse whisperer Buck Brannaman has lessons for therapists, parents and partners! I am watching a workshop on a gorgeous Saturday. Buck is talking about how riders often ask their horses to do things without knowing whether the horse was picking up the rear right or left leg thereby causing the horse to lose balance much of the time. In other words, riders often do not cooperate with the needs of the horse and that creates resistance. This blew the minds of most people in the audience and the people taking the lesson.
We often do this with our children our partners and our clients. It points to the importance of timing and attentiontion to the rhythms of the other. Classic examples of problems in this area include: trying to have sex when the other person is tired, trying to have a conversation in the middle of a major football game; not making up before going to bed; failing to hug and kiss upon coming home.
Part of what blew everyone’s mind was that Buck actually was paying that close attention. So one of the secrets is paying close attention to things that you often do not attend to.
If things are not going well with your requests of the other, ask yourself, “Am i picking a bad time to make a request?” And by bad time, I mean bad time for the person being requested. And for that matter, are you failing to act at a good time. Consider changing your timing. It does not solve everything. But it sure can help some things.