Maybe you were dismissive.
Maybe you weren’t listening.
Maybe you broke a promise too.
Maybe the way you brought something up really was hurtful.
Own that part.
Recognizing blame shifting doesn’t mean teaching yourself that nothing is ever your fault.
That would simply be blame shifting in the opposite direction.
The goal is to become more accurate about responsibility, not less accountable.
I like to think about it as:
Mine. Yours. Ours.
Some things are mine:
“I yelled.”
Some things are yours:
“You lied.”
And some things belong to the relationship:
“We’ve been avoiding difficult conversations for months.”
All three can exist at the same time.
But if you’re accustomed to taking the blame, separating them can be surprisingly difficult.
Maybe apologizing has always been how you calm conflict.
Maybe you’re uncomfortable knowing someone is upset with you.
Maybe when someone says, “This is your fault,” your first thought isn’t:
Is it?
It’s:
How do I fix this?
That’s the moment worth slowing down.
Before explaining.
Before defending yourself.
Before automatically apologizing.
Ask:
What is actually mine here?
Then take responsibility for that.
No more. No less.
You don’t need to become impossible to blame.
You need to become better at recognizing when responsibility is yours—and when someone else’s choices are being handed to you.
Read the complete article on my website → https://marinaedelman.com/blogs/blame-shifting-5-ways-to-respond-instead-of-defending-yourself/