Developing Assertiveness Improves Self-Esteem

Self-esteem affects us in many ways throughout our lives. It is that feeling of self-worth that we as individuals place upon ourselves. It is highly subjective, based on how we feel about ourselves, more than our actual skills or abilities in any area. We can see it as a result of our level of self-acceptance and self-respect. There are consequences to work life, student life, mental health and physical health. It is also linked to prosocial or antisocial behavior.  Having and developing high self-esteem improves all of these areas throughout our lives. It is tied into having a positive outlook, being open to learning and growing and an overall positive set of emotions.   To self-evaluate, please refer to the following Rosenberg self-esteem assessment scale: 

Read the following statements. Decide how you feel about each one. Choose the response that best suits your feelings. 

Calculating Your Score 

For the positively worded statements (1, 2, 4, 6, and 7), the points are scored one way:  

Strongly Agree = 3 points 

Agree = 2 points 

Disagree = 1 points 

Strongly Disagree = 0 points 

For the negatively worded statements (3, 5, 8, 9, and 10), the points are scored in reverse:  

Strongly Agree = 0 points 

Agree = 1 points 

Disagree = 2 points 

Strongly Disagree = 3 points 

Total up your points at the end of the questionnaire. You will get a total score between 0 to 30. The higher your score, the higher your self-esteem likely is. 

Interpreting the Results: 

               0 to 15 points: Low self-esteem 

              16 to 25 points: Normal self-esteem 

              26 to 30 points: High self-esteem 

People that have high self-esteem often have healthier relationships and tend to do well on various tasks.  They have learned the skills necessary to meet their goals and objectives.  On the other hand, people that suffer from low self-esteem tend to view themselves negatively and suffer from a lack of self-confidence.  Some people almost feel badly about having high self-esteem and confuse self-confidence with arrogance as they were instilled with values of humility and almost developed a self-effacing attitude for fear of appearing arrogant. This is faulty thinking. This can also lead to other problems as people that suffer from low self-esteem also feel a lot more malaise and often, a lot more anxiety.  

There was a time when the so-called self-esteem movement was heavily criticized as flawed.  Critics argued that instead of encouraging a healthy dose of self-esteem and self-confidence, the movement backfired, with people becoming almost self-absorbed, to the point of narcissism.  Is there a way to strike a balance, developing healthy self-esteem without the negative narcissistic characteristics heavily frowned upon.  There is, through developing assertiveness skills. Becoming more assertive sits comfortably between overt aggression and over passivity that lead to low self-esteem. 

Developing assertiveness skills will improve your self-esteem in many ways. It will also decrease your feelings of anxiety as you start to feel more able to assert your needs, learn to say no and as a result, develop healthier relationships.  People who develop assertiveness skills are able to get their needs met in healthy ways while respecting other people’s boundaries as well as their own.  Consider developing assertiveness skills as a way of preserving your mental health and enhancing your overall feelings of well-being. 

Saying “no” to develop assertiveness: 

–Learn to say “no” without feeling guilty.  Try to say this in the nicest way possible, “I am sorry, but I already made other plans”. 

–Be honest about why you are saying ‘no” whenever possible.  Don’t feel the need to overexplain yourself.  

–Let the person know that it is the request you are refusing, not the person. 

–Try to do this as soon as possible.  There is no point putting this off and procrastinating. 

–As much as possible, try to do this in person. If this isn’t possible use email or texts. 

–If necessary and if the person asks for a reason, reply politely and explain why you are saying “no”. 

–Be firm and stand by your decision. 

The Following are some Characteristics of Assertive People: 

–They value open–mindedness. Assertive people are able to respect the different viewpoints of others. 

–Assertive people are able to listen actively to another person, asking for clarification when necessary. 

–They continue evolving and learning through this process.  It is possible to be wrong at times and sometimes necessary to change your point of view. 

–Become aware of the difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Adjust as necessary. Also become aware of your body language and physical distance to the other person. 

–Make use of “I” statements.  Avoid placing the blame on others.  You will feel empowered and more self-confident.  

–Practice clear communication.  Do not assume the other person automatically knows what you’re thinking or feeling.   

–When confused or if something is unclear, as for clarification.  Your self-confidence will improve as you become more comfortable practicing these skills. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with low self-esteem and it is affecting your work and personal relationships and your overall sense of well-being, please visit www.saraperrettatherapy.com and book your consultation today.