Dads, it’s okay to struggle and ask for help
DAVID A. ROBERTSON
SPECIAL TO THE GLOBE AND MAIL
PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 26, 2026
Research shows 67 per cent of men in Canada are not seeking professional mental health support, despite
high levels of stress and depression.
When my oldest daughter was a baby, my partner went for a much-needed
night out. I was confident that I could handle things on my own for a few
hours, but it wasn’t long before my daughter was crying inconsolably and I felt
helpless. I didn’t think there was anyone I could turn to. Strike that: I didn’t
think I should turn to anyone because I was a man, and I should have been
able to handle it. By the time my partner returned, I felt as though I had been
hit by a truck. More than that, I felt like a failure.
I have five children now, mostly all grown adults. And there have been many
times in my 22 years as a father when I have felt something similar. More often
than not, I made the conscious decision to suffer in silence. This is something
that men do quite well. We feel like we are, or should be, capable of doing
things alone. That, if we do not, it somehow makes us less masculine.
As a father, as a man, and as somebody who has devoted time to mental health
awareness, I can tell you that this is more than just hubris; it is dangerous.
There is a stark reality when it comes to men and mental health. Masculine
norms reinforce isolation, and fathers often feel as though talking about life’s
struggles or seeking support makes them weak – as dads and as men. The
numbers back this up. Research shows 67 per cent of men in Canada are not
seeking professional mental health support, despite high levels of stress and
depression. And men account for roughly 75 per cent of all deaths by suicide in
Canada.
We owe it to Canadian men and boys to prioritize their mental health
As men, it’s vitally important to be open about the difficulties we face, whether
those difficulties are with mental health or the everyday challenges fatherhood
presents – from dealing with a door slammed in your face to engaging in
difficult conversations once those doors have been opened. Eventually, I wrote
a book about my own struggles with anxiety and depression. I have also sought
out and benefited from individual and group therapy. It was hard at first, but in
the end, it was affirming and life-saving. I learned it’s okay to struggle and to
need help from time to time – in life, of course, but particularly as a father. We
hear so often about mothers’ groups, and that’s a great thing. How often have
you heard about fathers’ groups? Fathers, just like mothers, need support. I
would argue that we may need it even more.
Community offers support and a trusted space. Sharing our experiences as
men, as fathers, can counteract the feelings of helplessness and loneliness that
so many of us experience. Studies have shown that men who seek mental
health care , for example by joining peer support groups, describe feeling less
isolated and more understood.
As a dad of five, here are five things I’ve learned about parenting teens
Dads: We have to redefine what we consider to be masculine, and we have to
find community. For some people, this might mean seeking out therapy. For
others, it might involve just talking honestly about what you’re going through
to other people in your life. I’ve found this is healing and empowering. When
fathers come together, the meaning of strength becomes redefined.
This can happen anywhere. If you’re a hockey dad, don’t just pre-game in the
parking lot. Set times outside of the game schedule to hang out with one
another and get into some deep conversations. It will be uncomfortable at first,
but over time, it will become easier. Sometimes, it takes one person to open up
for others to be able to do the same. Or maybe take the initiative to organize
events for other dads in your neighbourhood. Have people over, hang out, talk;
see where that talk leads. If you need an excuse, play some poker.
What’s important is dads finding a way to come together to share our successes
and vulnerabilities, and to help one another through our struggles.
Traditionally, it’s been hard for men to do this. It doesn’t have to be.
David A. Robertson is a two-time Governor-General’s Literary Award winner and
has won the TD Canadian Children’s Literature Award and the Writers’ Union of
Canada Freedom to Read Award. He is a member of Norway House Cree Nation
and lives in Winnipeg.