Online Self Esteem therapists in Merstham, England ENG, United Kingdom UK

I guide clients in cultivating a kinder inner dialogue and reconnecting with their inherent worth. We explore the origins of self-criticism and work toward greater self-acceptance, authenticity, and confidence — not as a fixed state, but as an ongoing relationship with oneself rooted in compassion.  

My holistic, relational approach to therapy helps women to identify negative or limiting self-beliefs about themselves in a safe, non-judgemental space. This involves parts-work where individuals develop the capability to embrace and integrate all parts of self - helping to move from self-criticism and aversion; to self-compassion and acceptance. This restored sense of awareness and wholeness awakens the calm, clarity and confidence that is already within and awaits you.  

We all relate to ourselves in varied and sometimes fluctuating ways - sometimes critically and harshly, other times in more gente and forgiving ways. This relationship is influenced by past and current experiences and what we have 'taken in' from those (especially with caregivers and other important people in our lives). A punitive, demeaning stance to one's own self, which has been there for a long time and is hard to shift, is what brings many people to therapy. Both because of the suffering it inflicts internally, as well as the impact it has on the way a person relates to the external world. If this is something you struggle with and would like to explore the option of psychotherapy to address this, please get in touch.  

Self-esteem is a problematic concept, because self-esteem is tenuous for all of us, however confident or secure we might be. But if this is a particular issue for you, it means that you are not feeling good about yourself. I will help you to identify the ways in which you are not comfortable, find out where this comes from in your biography, and help you to resolve the experience, so that you can feel good about yourself again.  

Lack of Confidence and Self esteem and cane debilitating, I will help you to see those parts of you that are great, and become more confident  

Paul Shepard wrote; “The grief and sense of loss that we often attribute to a failure in our personality, is actually a feeling of emptiness where a beautiful and strange otherness should have been encountered.” Ecotherapy and contact with nature aims to fill the void.  

I work with clients regarding building self esteem both in a person centred way, feeling heard and validated, as well as at times using CBT in order to reframe thoughts in order to change feelings and work towards more empowering behaviours. These behaviours in turn encourage more supportive and compassionate self talk which enables the client to feel better about themselves.  

Low self-esteem is linked in most cases to neglect, abuse and bullying which must be explored to in order to find a better balance in oneself.  

Low self-esteem often involves more than simply lacking confidence. It can affect relationships, decision-making, boundaries, self-expression, and the way you speak to yourself. Together, we can explore the experiences and beliefs that may have shaped your self-worth, develop greater self-understanding, and work towards a more compassionate and balanced relationship with yourself.  

"my self-esteem and confidence has improved" (Clare)  

I support individuals struggling with low self-esteem, self-doubt, or negative self-beliefs. Through a collaborative, evidence-based approach, I help clients develop greater self-awareness, challenge unhelpful patterns, and build confidence, self-compassion, and a more positive sense of self.  

I introduced treatment for self-esteem into my practice as a stand-alone goal years ago learning about this topic through research. When working with patients in the first few sessions themes will emerge and I will learn how self-esteem presents itself with them. The three areas of focus in terms of self-esteem and how I approach healing is to look at Self-Love, Self-Confidence and Self-Worth.  

Low self-esteem is often rooted in the stories we have come to believe about ourselves. You may question your worth, minimize your needs, seek approval from others, or feel like you have to earn love and acceptance. These patterns can affect your relationships, decisions, and overall well-being. Together, we'll identify the beliefs that no longer serve you, reconnect with your strengths and values, and build a stronger foundation of self-worth. As your self-trust grows, so does your ability to set healthy boundaries, communicate with confidence, and make choices that reflect the person you truly are.  

Low self-esteem isn't about lacking confidence. It's about carrying a deep sense that something's fundamentally wrong with you. You might be good at your job, have people who love you, tick all the boxes—but inside, you're convinced you're not enough. That if people really knew you, they'd see through the performance. This feeling didn't come from nowhere. Somewhere along the line, you learned that who you are isn't acceptable. Maybe you were criticized, dismissed, or had to earn approval that should have been freely given. Your nervous system learned: "I have to be perfect/invisible/useful to be okay." We work to understand where that belief got installed and why it's still running. Not through affirmations or telling you you're great—that doesn't work because you won't believe it. Instead, we look at what happened that taught you to see yourself this way, and then we start dismantling it. Real self-worth isn't built through positive thinking. It's built through understanding why you learned to reject yourself, then slowly learning you don't have to anymore.  

How Therapy Can Help with Self-Esteem - The way you see yourself shapes everything—your relationships, your career choices, how you handle challenges, and even your overall happiness. If you struggle with low self-esteem, you're likely your own harshest critic, and that internal voice can be exhausting and limiting. The good news is that self-esteem isn't fixed—it can grow and strengthen with the right support, and therapy offers a powerful path toward seeing yourself more clearly and compassionately. What Low Self-Esteem Looks Like Low self-esteem goes beyond occasional self-doubt. It's a persistent negative view of yourself that might show up as: Constant self-criticism or negative self-talk Feeling like you're not good enough, no matter what you achieve Difficulty accepting compliments or believing positive feedback Comparing yourself unfavorably to others Perfectionism and fear of failure People-pleasing and difficulty saying no Avoiding challenges because you assume you'll fail Staying in unhealthy relationships because you don't think you deserve better Feeling like an imposter in your own life Apologizing excessively or taking blame for things that aren't your fault Difficulty making decisions because you don't trust yourself These patterns can hold you back from pursuing opportunities, building healthy relationships, and living authentically. How Therapy Helps Uncovering the Roots Low self-esteem doesn't appear out of nowhere—it's usually built over time through experiences like childhood criticism, emotional neglect, bullying, trauma, failed relationships, or repeated disappointments. Therapy helps you understand where your negative self-view originated. This isn't about blaming others; it's about recognizing that your inner critic was learned, which means it can be unlearned. Challenging the Inner Critic That harsh voice in your head isn't telling you the truth—it's repeating old messages that may have never been accurate in the first place. Therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), helps you identify these negative thought patterns and challenge them with evidence and compassion. You learn to question thoughts like "I'm worthless" or "I always mess things up" and replace them with more balanced, realistic perspectives. Separating Your Worth from Your Performance Many people tie their self-esteem to achievements, appearance, or others' approval. Therapy helps you recognize that your worth is inherent—it doesn't depend on what you do, how you look, or what others think of you. This shift from conditional to unconditional self-worth is transformative and freeing. Processing Past Wounds If your low self-esteem stems from trauma, abuse, or painful experiences, therapies like EMDR can help process these memories so they have less emotional power over you. When you heal the wounds that taught you to see yourself negatively, your self-esteem naturally begins to improve. Developing Self-Compassion Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a good friend. Therapy helps you cultivate this gentler internal voice, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes, has flaws, and struggles sometimes—and that doesn't make you less worthy. You learn to comfort yourself rather than attack yourself when things go wrong. Identifying Your Strengths and Values Low self-esteem often creates tunnel vision where you only see your perceived flaws and failures. Therapy helps you take a more balanced inventory—recognizing your strengths, accomplishments, positive qualities, and the values that guide you. Many people are genuinely surprised to discover how much they've been discounting about themselves. Setting Healthy Boundaries When you don't value yourself, you're more likely to let others mistreat you, overextend yourself, or stay in situations that diminish you. Therapy helps you recognize that you deserve respect and teaches you how to set boundaries that protect your wellbeing. Each time you honor a boundary, you reinforce your own worth. Building Assertiveness Learning to express your needs, opinions, and feelings without excessive fear or guilt is crucial for healthy self-esteem. Therapy provides a safe space to practice assertiveness and develop confidence in your right to take up space, have needs, and be heard. Breaking People-Pleasing Patterns If you've learned to derive worth from making others happy or avoiding conflict, therapy helps you examine this pattern and gradually shift toward living more authentically. You learn that disappointing someone occasionally doesn't make you a bad person, and that your needs matter just as much as anyone else's. Celebrating Progress, Not Just Perfection Therapy helps you recognize and celebrate small wins and efforts, not just major achievements. You learn to acknowledge growth, courage, and trying—even when things don't turn out perfectly. This builds a more sustainable, realistic foundation for self-esteem. Experiencing Unconditional Acceptance Perhaps one of the most healing aspects of therapy is experiencing genuine acceptance from your therapist. In person-centred therapy especially, you're met with unconditional positive regard—you're valued simply for being you, not for what you accomplish or how you perform. This experience can begin to rewire your belief about your own worthiness. Types of Therapy That Help Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Directly targets negative thought patterns and helps you develop more balanced thinking about yourself. Person-Centred Therapy: Offers unconditional acceptance that helps you internalize a more positive self-view. EMDR: Processes traumatic experiences that damaged your self-esteem. Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT): Specifically designed to build self-compassion and counter self-criticism. Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores how early relationships and experiences shaped your self-concept. Group Therapy: Provides connection with others who struggle similarly and offers opportunities to receive positive feedback and support. What Growth Looks Like As therapy progresses and your self-esteem strengthens, you might notice: Quieter, kinder internal dialogue More willingness to try new things or take healthy risks Ability to accept compliments and believe them Setting and maintaining boundaries without excessive guilt Making decisions with more confidence Less comparison to others Greater resilience when things go wrong Choosing relationships and situations that honor your worth Feeling more comfortable being yourself.  

At ComposurePsychology we have Clinical Psychologists with many years experience working with people to understand and overcome low self esteem concerns, to learn and practice new strategies for raising their confidence. We draw from evidence based therapies including; CBT, ACT, CFT, SFT, DBT, EMDR, systemic, narrative, psychodynamic and others.  

Low self-esteem can quietly shape every area of life—how you see yourself, the choices you make, and the relationships you keep. Together, we’ll explore and gently release the old beliefs, patterns, or experiences that have held you back. Using neuroscience-based coaching, BWRT®, and therapeutic tools, I help you rewire the inner story you tell yourself and build a stronger, kinder sense of self. Alongside this, mindfulness and energy practices can support you in feeling more grounded, resilient, and confident. The aim is not just to “feel better,” but to truly step into your worth and create a life that reflects who you really are.  

Believe in yourself. Create healthy boundaries. Acceptance of yourself. Developing necessary skills. These are the four foundations of self-esteem. Step by step we will build the building of your self-esteem.  

I help clients rebuild their sense of self-worth from the inside out. Together, we explore the roots of self-doubt, shift internal narratives, and develop a more grounded, confident relationship with yourself.  

Self esteem is the core of our well being. We often lose it through life experience but we can regain it. I find EMDR particularly helpful in developing greater Self esteem