There’s a particular kind of tired that comes from having the same relationship problem over and over.
You talk about it.
Things improve for a week, maybe two.
Then somehow you’re right back where you started.
Eventually, the question changes from:
“How do we fix this?”
to:
“Am I just stuck?”
After more than 20 years of working with couples, here’s what I’ve come to believe:
Feeling stuck doesn’t automatically mean a relationship is doomed. It usually means something about the pattern you’re caught in has to actually change.
Stop Focusing Only on the Latest Fight
Couples often focus on what the most recent argument was about.
I’m usually more interested in what happened underneath it.
Maybe you criticize and your partner withdraws.
They withdraw, so you pursue harder.
You pursue harder, so they shut down even more.
The subject of the argument changes.
The shape of it doesn’t.
Instead of asking, “What are we fighting about this time?” try asking:
“What keeps happening between us?”
Stop Waiting for Your Partner to Go First
This keeps couples stuck for years:
“I’ll be affectionate when they’re nicer.”
“I’ll open up when they stop getting defensive.”
“I’ll change when they change.”
Eventually, both people are standing still, waiting for the other person to move first.
Changing your part doesn’t mean accepting unhealthy behavior or doing all the emotional work yourself.
It means recognizing where you still have agency.
Maybe that’s communicating differently.
Maybe it’s setting a real boundary.
Maybe it’s refusing to have the same circular argument again.
And sometimes it’s simply saying:
“This isn’t working for me anymore. Something needs to change.”
Look at What Happens After the Conversation
Promises matter less than what happens next.
Can both people take responsibility?
Are boundaries respected?
Can someone apologize without immediately saying, “but you…”?
Do promises eventually become behavior?
Is there still empathy underneath the frustration?
A relationship doesn’t need two perfect people.
It needs two people capable of looking at themselves.
Sometimes getting unstuck means rebuilding.
Sometimes it means changing the way you communicate.
Sometimes it means finally setting boundaries.
And sometimes it means getting clear about what you’ll do if nothing changes.
You don’t have to know exactly how the story ends before you begin asking what needs to be different.
Read the complete article on my website → https://marinaedelman.com/blogs/feeling-stuck-in-a-relationship/