“How can I last longer in bed?” It is a question that is asked most often by men. Because men want to perform well and be good lovers. They worry if they’re doing enough to satisfy their lover. Anxiety, worry and pressure are the likely causes of a lot of difficulty experienced in the bedroom. The performance pressure will often interrupt intimacy or take you out of the experience. It can become a very disheartening and difficult cycle to break.
As a couples counselor and sex therapist I help my clients learn to relax their mind and body to then be able to embrace the sensory information you are receiving. Sex is an experience of the senses; if you are stuck in your head it can be really difficult to be present in the moment. You must learn the art of being present with your partner and in your body to gain the full pleasurable experience. Pelvic floor exercises and breath work can also assist in learning to control your body and lengthening your experience.
A good lover does not only encompass how long you can last. A good lover pays attention to their partner, tunes into the body of their partner and themselves. As well as, engages in foreplay. I always say “Foreplay is Coreplay”. Foreplay is so important to help the body get ready and engaged in an experience. Don’t skip the Foreplay, it starts outside of the bedroom. Make sure you are engaging with your partner before the touch ever starts. Building sexual tension and safety are two very important aspects of building desire and foreplay! We don’t put a cake in the oven without the ingredients or prep work… Take your time, listen to your body, your senses and stay connected to your partner. This is where you will find your confidence, your control and your power sexually.
If you or your partner are struggling with some of these aspects of intimacy, reach out to a couples counselor or sex therapist sooner rather than later. The path to pleasure, passion and connection starts with you and your partner. You do not have to struggle alone, there is help. Wouldn’t it be nice to get to a place where you are enjoying yourself and having the best sex of your life?