Online Self Esteem therapists in Oxted, England ENG, United Kingdom UK

Amazing topic! Our approach is self actualization driven as an amalgam of student directed pedagogies, neurodevelopmental applications or care, attachment/belonging circuit work, polyvagal based, parts work based, intersectional/contextual based...It's an in-house recipe for how we arrive at this, the science is generally working from context/orientation> existential> attachment based>trauma work>situational and relational and adding integrative, functional or bio/neurofeedback care (sometimes administered by others) along the way. With a CPTSD focus, it's about building inner harmony with the parts or different layers of the psyche. We may also honor and work from eastern meditation principles, nature and support for the intuitive.  

I think it is helpful to work on an individuals relationship to the self and how one can have misconceptions about how you are seen in the world and how to develop a better appreciation and understanding of the self. If you feel rejected or marginalized by society do you continue to put yourself down or do we learn how to engage in a different kinder relationship with the self? This is the premise that I try to develop in my work.  

Self esteem can be said to be an individual's subjective evaluation of their own self-worth, based on opinions and beliefs of self. When a sense of low self esteem affects one's daily life, it can cause one to see self in a negative and critical light, reinforcing underlying doubts and fears and can eventually lead to depression and anxiety.  

Self-esteem is a complex concept that includes how you feel about yourself, your self-worth, how capable you are (self-efficacy) and self-confidence. If you have low self-esteem, chances are you have struggled in relationships, have experienced domestic abuse, or have internalised hurtful comments from other people. Perhaps you are judgmental and critical of yourself. Therapy can help work through your difficult feelings, reconnect to yourself, regain your confidence and learn relationship and other skills to help in the future.  

You are not your inner critic. Together, we’ll explore the unconscious beliefs shaping how you see yourself and shift them from the root. You deserve to feel confident in who you are, not just on the surface, but deep within. Let’s start building that foundation today.  

I support individuals struggling with low self-esteem, self-doubt, or negative self-beliefs. Through a collaborative, evidence-based approach, I help clients develop greater self-awareness, challenge unhelpful patterns, and build confidence, self-compassion, and a more positive sense of self.  

Low self-esteem often develops through early life experiences, relationships, or messages that lead us to question our value. Through trauma-informed coaching, we explore the beliefs and experiences that have shaped how you see yourself, bringing awareness to the patterns that no longer serve you. Together, we work to build self-compassion, challenge limiting beliefs, strengthen your relationship with yourself, and develop a sense of confidence that comes from self-acceptance rather than external validation.  

Low self-esteem isn't about lacking confidence. It's about carrying a deep sense that something's fundamentally wrong with you. You might be good at your job, have people who love you, tick all the boxes—but inside, you're convinced you're not enough. That if people really knew you, they'd see through the performance. This feeling didn't come from nowhere. Somewhere along the line, you learned that who you are isn't acceptable. Maybe you were criticized, dismissed, or had to earn approval that should have been freely given. Your nervous system learned: "I have to be perfect/invisible/useful to be okay." We work to understand where that belief got installed and why it's still running. Not through affirmations or telling you you're great—that doesn't work because you won't believe it. Instead, we look at what happened that taught you to see yourself this way, and then we start dismantling it. Real self-worth isn't built through positive thinking. It's built through understanding why you learned to reject yourself, then slowly learning you don't have to anymore.  

Self-esteem is a problematic concept, because self-esteem is tenuous for all of us, however confident or secure we might be. But if this is a particular issue for you, it means that you are not feeling good about yourself. I will help you to identify the ways in which you are not comfortable, find out where this comes from in your biography, and help you to resolve the experience, so that you can feel good about yourself again.  

How Therapy Can Help with Self-Esteem - The way you see yourself shapes everything—your relationships, your career choices, how you handle challenges, and even your overall happiness. If you struggle with low self-esteem, you're likely your own harshest critic, and that internal voice can be exhausting and limiting. The good news is that self-esteem isn't fixed—it can grow and strengthen with the right support, and therapy offers a powerful path toward seeing yourself more clearly and compassionately. What Low Self-Esteem Looks Like Low self-esteem goes beyond occasional self-doubt. It's a persistent negative view of yourself that might show up as: Constant self-criticism or negative self-talk Feeling like you're not good enough, no matter what you achieve Difficulty accepting compliments or believing positive feedback Comparing yourself unfavorably to others Perfectionism and fear of failure People-pleasing and difficulty saying no Avoiding challenges because you assume you'll fail Staying in unhealthy relationships because you don't think you deserve better Feeling like an imposter in your own life Apologizing excessively or taking blame for things that aren't your fault Difficulty making decisions because you don't trust yourself These patterns can hold you back from pursuing opportunities, building healthy relationships, and living authentically. How Therapy Helps Uncovering the Roots Low self-esteem doesn't appear out of nowhere—it's usually built over time through experiences like childhood criticism, emotional neglect, bullying, trauma, failed relationships, or repeated disappointments. Therapy helps you understand where your negative self-view originated. This isn't about blaming others; it's about recognizing that your inner critic was learned, which means it can be unlearned. Challenging the Inner Critic That harsh voice in your head isn't telling you the truth—it's repeating old messages that may have never been accurate in the first place. Therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), helps you identify these negative thought patterns and challenge them with evidence and compassion. You learn to question thoughts like "I'm worthless" or "I always mess things up" and replace them with more balanced, realistic perspectives. Separating Your Worth from Your Performance Many people tie their self-esteem to achievements, appearance, or others' approval. Therapy helps you recognize that your worth is inherent—it doesn't depend on what you do, how you look, or what others think of you. This shift from conditional to unconditional self-worth is transformative and freeing. Processing Past Wounds If your low self-esteem stems from trauma, abuse, or painful experiences, therapies like EMDR can help process these memories so they have less emotional power over you. When you heal the wounds that taught you to see yourself negatively, your self-esteem naturally begins to improve. Developing Self-Compassion Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a good friend. Therapy helps you cultivate this gentler internal voice, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes, has flaws, and struggles sometimes—and that doesn't make you less worthy. You learn to comfort yourself rather than attack yourself when things go wrong. Identifying Your Strengths and Values Low self-esteem often creates tunnel vision where you only see your perceived flaws and failures. Therapy helps you take a more balanced inventory—recognizing your strengths, accomplishments, positive qualities, and the values that guide you. Many people are genuinely surprised to discover how much they've been discounting about themselves. Setting Healthy Boundaries When you don't value yourself, you're more likely to let others mistreat you, overextend yourself, or stay in situations that diminish you. Therapy helps you recognize that you deserve respect and teaches you how to set boundaries that protect your wellbeing. Each time you honor a boundary, you reinforce your own worth. Building Assertiveness Learning to express your needs, opinions, and feelings without excessive fear or guilt is crucial for healthy self-esteem. Therapy provides a safe space to practice assertiveness and develop confidence in your right to take up space, have needs, and be heard. Breaking People-Pleasing Patterns If you've learned to derive worth from making others happy or avoiding conflict, therapy helps you examine this pattern and gradually shift toward living more authentically. You learn that disappointing someone occasionally doesn't make you a bad person, and that your needs matter just as much as anyone else's. Celebrating Progress, Not Just Perfection Therapy helps you recognize and celebrate small wins and efforts, not just major achievements. You learn to acknowledge growth, courage, and trying—even when things don't turn out perfectly. This builds a more sustainable, realistic foundation for self-esteem. Experiencing Unconditional Acceptance Perhaps one of the most healing aspects of therapy is experiencing genuine acceptance from your therapist. In person-centred therapy especially, you're met with unconditional positive regard—you're valued simply for being you, not for what you accomplish or how you perform. This experience can begin to rewire your belief about your own worthiness. Types of Therapy That Help Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Directly targets negative thought patterns and helps you develop more balanced thinking about yourself. Person-Centred Therapy: Offers unconditional acceptance that helps you internalize a more positive self-view. EMDR: Processes traumatic experiences that damaged your self-esteem. Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT): Specifically designed to build self-compassion and counter self-criticism. Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores how early relationships and experiences shaped your self-concept. Group Therapy: Provides connection with others who struggle similarly and offers opportunities to receive positive feedback and support. What Growth Looks Like As therapy progresses and your self-esteem strengthens, you might notice: Quieter, kinder internal dialogue More willingness to try new things or take healthy risks Ability to accept compliments and believe them Setting and maintaining boundaries without excessive guilt Making decisions with more confidence Less comparison to others Greater resilience when things go wrong Choosing relationships and situations that honor your worth Feeling more comfortable being yourself.  

Having good self-esteem is essential to having a good relationship with yourself and setting healthy boundaries in your relationships with others. I can help you exprience better self-esteem by going to core of the issue which usually lies within our family of origin/early attachments.  

When you have low self-esteem you can feel unloved, worthless, lack confidence and think negatively about yourself. Counselling is a supportive process which can help you to explore the way you feel, get to the root of what has happened for you and can help you grow and build a healthy sense of self-esteem and confidence.  

The techniques I use and my personal experience of low self-esteem are essential to help you.  

Self esteem is the core of our well being. We often lose it through life experience but we can regain it. I find EMDR particularly helpful in developing greater Self esteem  

Self-esteem, and confidence, can be so fragile and we can allow it to be taken from us without knowing we have a choice. If you hear a version of yourself often enough, eventually you believe it. Positive attention throughout our childhood can carry us a long way, just as unhealthy attention can be just as far reaching. We live in a society that thrusts expectation in front of us nearly constantly, and trying to live up to it can be painful and demoralising. How would you like to be able to know who you are and start living your life how you want it? Through questioning your self-beliefs, and where they come from, you can begin to feel better with who you are. By not trying to live up to standards and expectations set by others, you can find strength in doing it your way. Is low self-esteem about not being good enough, or about you trying to be somebody or something that you are not?  

Low self-worth is often experienced as a belief - something to be challenged, reframed, or worked on. In practice, it tends to live deeper than that: in the body's habitual posture, in the contraction that happens before speaking in a group, in the felt sense of taking up too much or too little space. This work reaches those layers and creates the conditions for a different experience of yourself to emerge - not as an idea, but as something your body actually registers as true.  

Low self-esteem can shape how you see yourself, what you expect from relationships, what you tolerate, and what you believe you deserve. It often develops through repeated experiences of criticism, neglect, rejection, comparison, shame, or feeling unseen. My approach is warm, reflective, and focused on helping you understand the deeper roots of how you came to relate to yourself in this way, so that you can build greater self-worth, self-trust, and confidence.  

My holistic, relational approach to therapy helps women to identify negative or limiting self-beliefs about themselves in a safe, non-judgemental space. This involves parts-work where individuals develop the capability to embrace and integrate all parts of self - helping to move from self-criticism and aversion; to self-compassion and acceptance. This restored sense of awareness and wholeness awakens the calm, clarity and confidence that is already within and awaits you.  

Self esteem work explores the emotional and belief patterns that shape how you see yourself. I support people in developing a more stable and compassionate sense of self. Sessions focus on understanding where self-doubt formed and how confidence can grow over time.  

Our sense of ourselves greatly impacts how we interact in the world and the type of experiences we have. Our views on ourselves does not have to be set in stone though and is something that can be continually improved and worked upon allowing us to begin to engage in the world in a much more satisfying and enjoyable way