If you’ve ever wondered whether counselling is “for you”, you’re in good company. Plenty of people picture a couch, a stranger with a notepad and a lot of awkward silence. The reality is much warmer than that, and much more ordinary in the best possible way.
So, what actually is counselling?
Counselling is a confidential, professional conversation with someone trained to help you make sense of what’s going on for you. It’s a space that is just for you. You don’t have to look after anyone else’s feelings, filter what you say or have it all worked out before you arrive.
People come to counselling for all sorts of reasons: stress, anxiety, low mood, grief, relationship worries, big life changes, burnout, or simply a feeling that something isn’t quite right. You don’t need a diagnosis, and you don’t need to be in crisis. Sometimes the most helpful time to start is before things feel unmanageable.
Why does it help?
There is a large body of research showing that talking therapies work. One of the biggest reviews ever done pooled 409 trials with more than 52,000 people and found that therapy for depression had moderate to large benefits, with effects still showing 6 to 12 months later (Cuijpers et al., 2023).
Interestingly, that same body of research suggests that no single style of therapy is clearly “the best”. A 2023 overview of more than 560 trials found that most established therapies have comparable effects (Cuijpers et al., 2023, American Psychologist).
So what does make the difference? One of the strongest and most consistent findings is the relationship between you and your counsellor, often called the therapeutic alliance. A review of 295 studies covering more than 30,000 people found that a strong working relationship is reliably linked with better outcomes, across different therapy styles, problems and countries (Flückiger et al., 2018).
In plain terms: feeling safe, heard and understood isn’t a nice extra. It’s a big part of what helps people change.
What do we mean by “the relationship”?
When I talk about the therapeutic relationship, I mean:
- Trust and safety. Feeling safe, respected and genuinely cared about, so you can be honest without fear of judgement.
- Unconditional positive regard and congruence. Being accepted and valued just as you are (unconditional positive regard), with a counsellor who is genuine and real with you rather than hiding behind a professional mask (congruence). These ideas come from psychologist Carl Rogers and the person-centred approach.
- Shared goals and direction. Agreeing together on what you’re working towards and how we’ll get there, at a pace that feels right for you.
It’s a working partnership. It grows over time, and a strong one has room for you to say when something isn’t working for you.
Why it matters when you’re choosing a counsellor
Because the relationship plays such a big part in how helpful counselling is, it’s worth choosing your counsellor with care. As you look, notice:
- Do I feel comfortable and listened to when I talk with them?
- Do they explain clearly how they work, and welcome my questions?
- Do they respect my pace, my values and my background?
A discovery call is a lovely way to get a first feel for this.
Check that they’re qualified and registered. “Counsellor” isn’t a protected title in Australia, so please make sure the person you see is qualified, trained and currently registered. If you’re unsure, ask them:
- What are your qualifications?
- Where and when did you train?
- Are you currently registered with a professional body, such as the Australian Counselling Association (ACA) or the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA)?
A good counsellor will be happy to answer. You can also search the ACA’s Find a Counsellor directory or PACFA’s ARCAP register.
How it helps in everyday life
Counselling can help you:
- understand your feelings and patterns, rather than just being swept along by them
- feel less alone with something you’ve been carrying quietly
- find new ways to cope with stress, worry or difficult emotions
- work through grief, loss or change at your own pace
- strengthen your relationships and communicate what you need
- reconnect with what matters to you and who you want to be
What to expect
Before you start. Many counsellors, including me, offer a free 15-minute discovery call. It’s a fantastic chance to connect, see if we’re a good fit, ask any questions you may have, and learn a little about me and my approach, all with no pressure to book. If you decide to go ahead, I’ll send you the onboarding documentation to complete before your first session.
Your first session. We’ll go through practical things such as confidentiality and how sessions work. Then I’ll invite you to share what’s brought you here, in whatever way feels comfortable. There is no right way to start, and it’s completely fine to say “I don’t really know where to begin”. Together, we’ll start to shape some goals, the areas of your life you’d like to work on, and how often we’ll meet, such as weekly or fortnightly.
Ongoing sessions. We’ll keep revisiting your goals as we go. Sessions are generally 60 minutes, and 90-minute sessions are available when we’ve discussed that this would suit you. Some people come for a handful of sessions; others prefer longer-term support. You’re always in charge of the pace.
How it feels. Counselling isn’t always easy. Sometimes talking brings up big feelings, and that’s a normal part of the process. You can always tell me if something doesn’t feel right, and we’ll adjust.
What is the first step?
Reaching out can feel like the hardest part, so I’ve made it as simple as possible. You don’t need a referral from a GP or anyone else. You can simply self-refer.
Just get in touch by phone on 0494 361 448 or by email to arrange your free 15-minute discovery call, or to book an appointment. I see clients in person in Perth and via telehealth right across Australia.
Got questions? Email me at findingyourlightau@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you.
Counselling is not a crisis service. If you are in immediate danger, call 000. For 24/7 crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or 13YARN on 13 92 76 for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.
Research and further reading
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- Australian Counselling Association: About the ACA
- Cuijpers, P. et al. (2023). Cognitive behavior therapy vs. control conditions, other psychotherapies, pharmacotherapies and combined treatment for depression. World Psychiatry, 22(1), 105–115.
- Cuijpers, P. et al. (2023). Five decades of research on psychological treatments of depression. American Psychologist.
- Flückiger, C. et al. (2018). The alliance in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analytic synthesis. Psychotherapy, 55(4).