When people think about addiction or substance use, the conversation often focuses on what needs to stop.
Stop drinking.
Stop using.
Stop gambling.
Stop smoking.
Stop numbing.
While these conversations can be important, they sometimes miss a critical question:
What is the substance or behaviour doing for you?
This question is not about making excuses. It is about understanding.
Many people use substances or engage in behaviours that provide temporary relief from something deeper. Sometimes it is stress. Sometimes it is loneliness, grief, trauma, anxiety, depression, shame, chronic pain, or the pressure of carrying responsibilities without enough support.
For a moment, the substance may offer something that feels difficult to access elsewhere: relief, connection, escape, confidence, comfort, rest, or even survival.
When we focus only on the behaviour, we risk overlooking the pain underneath it.
A decolonizing approach to healing encourages us to move away from asking, “What’s wrong with you?” and instead ask, “What has happened to you?” and “What need is this behaviour trying to meet?”
Many people have learned to cope in the best ways available to them at the time. What may now be causing harm may have once helped them survive.
This perspective does not remove accountability. Instead, it creates space for compassion, curiosity, and meaningful change.
Recovery is often about more than stopping a behaviour. It is about building a life where that behaviour is no longer needed in the same way.
That may include:
- Learning healthier ways to manage stress and difficult emotions.
- Processing trauma or painful experiences.
- Strengthening relationships and social supports.
- Developing self-compassion instead of self-criticism.
- Reconnecting with values, culture, identity, spirituality, and community.
- Creating a life that feels meaningful and aligned with who you are.
A Practical Reflection
The next time you notice an urge to use a substance or engage in a behaviour you are trying to change, pause and ask yourself:
“What do I need right now that this substance or behaviour is trying to provide?”
You might discover that what you truly need is rest, connection, comfort, safety, distraction, validation, or support.
The urge itself may be carrying important information.
The goal is not to judge yourself. The goal is to become curious.
Recovery is about more than breaking a habit—it is about understanding the story behind it. If this article resonates with you, I invite you to visit my TherapyTribe profile to learn more about my approach and explore how we can work together to create lasting, meaningful change.
Healing often begins with understanding.
If you are struggling with substance use, addictive behaviours, or patterns that no longer align with the life you want for yourself, know that support is available. Change does not happen through shame. It happens through awareness, compassion, and taking one step at a time.
You deserve support that honours both your challenges and your strengths.