The United States ranks 15th of 146 countries on the 2023 World Happiness Report (a somewhat flawed but interesting survey designed by Gallup and the U.N) – in the last ten years our highest ranking was 14th and lowest was 19th. Researching happiness is a huge empire but here are two things to consider:
1. Despite all our knowledge, happiness is elusive to many people.
2. The results for what does and does not make people happy does not change.
This week is part 1 of a 2-part series on Happiness (because, let’s face it, I’ve got nothing for the letter X)! We’re going to start in an unlikely, but necessary, spot… the Top 10 things that do not make people happy:
#10. Shortcuts: (e.g., big purchases, fatty foods) – anything that speaks to immediate gratification. Always – short term gain = long term pain (and vice versa). When we grab for the quick fix, we end up worse in the long run.
#9 Entitlement: I’m speaking to everyone reading this (as well as myself)– in the US we live with tremendous privilege that we did not earn and probably do not deserve. To pretend otherwise is unattractive to others and unhelpful for you.
#8 Success: This one might surprise you until you recall all those stories about the people who won the lottery – and then got depressed. The same goes for getting a promotion and even getting married. While we might feel a temporary ‘high’ when we attain something positive, as humans we’re too adaptable; as soon as we reach a milestone, we feel that something is missing.
#7 Staying Indoors: We’re less connected to nature than ever and this has consequences including lowered cognitive & immune functioning (coupled with higher stress and blood pressure). One specific example, people who live in the country are 21% happier than those who live in the city (specifically large cities with multiple high-rises).
#6 More: The more we acquire, achieve, accomplish, and attain the more we want and the faster we want it; our appetites actually are insatiable.
#5 Comparison: The adage holds true – comparison truly is the thief of joy. Think of it this way – the comparison is never real. You like someone’s nose (but have no idea they struggle with depression); you covet another’s car (whose marriage is falling apart). If you are measuring yourself against the Joneses – stop.
#4 Multiple Choices. Again, this one might may not be intuitive – however, multiple choices leave us stressed out and dissatisfied with our decisions. We wonder about the missed opportunities (just think about the 30 flavors of ice cream you left behind at Baskin Robbins)! In nearly all realms a forced choice (yes/no, black/white, on/off) is best.
#3 Ignoring Negative Emotions: In order to truly be happy, you’ll need to experience and eventually embrace the hard emotions life sends your way. One example that we’ve forgotten is Melancholy – this bittersweet emotion is a necessary and beautiful part of life; it has produced some of the best masterpieces and achievements we have.
#2 Approval: We live in a world where people chase “likes” on social media and “like” in real life; the problem is – like is fickle. If this is you, try holding out for respect instead.
#1 Money: Bottom line, we just need enough to live “comfortably”, after that money brings with it anxiety and lack of trust. The happiest millionaires are also the most generous.
What do you think?
Is the list what you expected?
As you look over the list can you find any common denominators?
Do you have any guesses of what does make people happy? Actually, patience is on that list – which is why you’ll need to wait for next week’s post – Top 10 things that do make people happy. If you can’t wait, here are some reliable resources on happiness that each contain some of the answers:
• Ingrid Fetell Lee: Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness
• Janice Kaplan: The Gratitude Diaries Podcast
• Dacher Keltner: The Science of Happiness Podcast
• Gretchen Rubin: The Happiness Project (or the Podcast Happier)
• Martin Seligman: Authentic Happiness
• Ann Voskamp: One Thousand Gifts
• Robert Waldinger & Marc Schultz: The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness
• Meik Wiking: The Little Book of Lykke: Secrets of the World’s Happiest People