Social media use on family vacations, is it good or bad?

Recently Dr. Gayle MacBride was asked that very question. Here’s her response:

Well, actually it was two questions. First, why do some parents feel compelled to extensively document their vacations on social media, and, second, what are the benefits of staying off social media while on vacations?

Parents may feel a compulsion to document and share every aspect of their trips with kids for several reasons:

• Memory Preservation: Capturing moments through photos and videos allows parents to create lasting memories of their family trips. Sometimes this is because children are young enough not to reliably form their own lasting memories, but other times it’s simply because the parent wants evidence of the things they did. Vacations and travel are expensive, and memories (particularly of children) can be fleeting. Photobooks and online documentation can help extend memory through a digital footprint and “reminder” type features, which has become popular with social media platforms. Some clients and parent friends of mine use social platforms, but set the posts to private so they have an online photo book of sorts. 

• Connection with Loved Ones: Sharing updates on social media helps parents stay connected with friends and family who might not be present on the trip. Particularly with the increased distance between extended families; it’s a way to include relatives who are distant or unable to join in.

• Recommendations and Tips: Posting about their experiences can also serve as recommendations and tips for others planning similar trips. Word of mouth is a powerful marketing tool. Also, sharing photos and memories can a way to inspire others, or perhaps include items on an itinerary that wouldn’t have otherwise been on their radar.

• Validation and Social Recognition: Social media can provide validation and recognition in the form of likes, comments, and shares, which can be satisfying for parents. The dopamine hit from likes/shares/etc is a very real thing. While that external validation might not be the healthiest reason for sharing, it is a very real reason people do it.

Social Media gives us a feeling of social connection and community. These are fundamentally important feelings to us as humans. These platforms really do feel like they fulfill some of those needs. 

Documenting life on social media can have some problems:

• Privacy/Security Concerns: Sharing personal information and locations can compromise privacy and security. It also reveals when your house is unattended and potentially for how long it will remain empty. 

• Distraction: Constantly documenting experiences can detract from being fully present in the moment. Framing the perfect photo, writing a witty caption or executing the perfect panoramic photo, or videoing an experience all take time and attention away from the actual experience and the people you’re with. It is one additional distraction that draws you away from the moment being shared with your fellow travelers and may be even intrusive to those traveling around you. 

• Comparison and Pressure: Seeing other people’s curated experiences can lead to feelings of inadequacy or the pressure to keep up. One-upmanship wasn’t invented by social media, but it certainly feeds the desire to share and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and perhaps lead to overspending to achieve the perfect experience that will measure up. It’s a real struggle to keep in mind that someone’s trip photos don’t usually include the lousy meal at the greasy restaurant that you went to at 10 pm after a long day of travel and the kids melting down because they were tired. 

• Oversharing: Oversharing can make children uncomfortable and invade their privacy. Many children have not experienced a world where social media didn’t exist. Their whole lives are online. This is particularly a problem as children gain awareness of their autonomy and have to struggle with parents to establish boundaries about where and when their images will be shared. Younger children have no voice to indicate whether they want their images or likeness to be captured and shared on social media, and those images and videos can live on long after they were taken—leaving the children to struggle with removing unwanted images, videos, or memories.

Benefits of not using social media while traveling with kids include:

• Quality Time: Parents can fully engage with their children without the distraction of social media.

• Privacy and Safety: Protecting their family’s privacy and security.

• Less Pressure: Avoiding the pressure to showcase a perfect trip.

• Authenticity: Experiencing the trip more authentically without the filter of social media.

To a parent struggling to let go of social media during a “social media-free” trip, I would suggest the following:

• Set Clear Boundaries: Decide on specific times or situations when it’s okay to use social media, and stick to those boundaries. Ask your children if you can share their images/videos/likeness, and negotiate what they are comfortable with you sharing. If the image includes them, consider giving them veto power over stories and images. Also consider keeping their names off the posts to help preserve their anonymity. Ask commenters to do the same. 

• Focus on the Moment: Remind yourself that the most important thing is the quality time spent with your children, not the number of likes or comments. Not starting is a great way to maintain a social media free vacay. Once one photo goes up, we tend to start responding to the ding of the device that shows the “likes” count. This is based on a very strong form of reinforcement that gives us that dopamine hit and be harder to walk away from. 

• Use Offline Methods: Consider using traditional methods like photo albums or journals to document your trip for personal use.

• Use private methods, there are a number of ways to use digital online photo albums that are private and still allow you to share photos. You can make a private album on Facebook or share via products like Google Albums. 

• Make the “rule” apply to everyone. Social media free won’t work if it is ok for some people and not for others. This should be talked about and agreed upon before you leave for the trip. 

• Share Later: If you still want to share your trip with others, you can do so after the trip ends. This allows you to be present in the moment while still sharing your experiences.

Ultimately, it’s essential for parents to strike a balance between documenting their trips and being fully present with their children to create meaningful memories.

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