Forgiveness Therapy

What is Forgiveness Therapy?

Most of us have been taught about the importance of forgiveness. However, like many paths to healing, it is easier said than done. We have all been in situations or have dealt with people who have wronged or hurt us. When hurtful things happen, we typically find ourselves harboring feelings of betrayal, anger, or the need to seek vengeance to return to normalcy. 

Forgiveness is not a selfless act that is in the sole benefit for the person that has wronged you. Instead, it is about self-healing, empowerment, and liberation. If we don’t find it within ourselves to forgive, we spend much of our energy thinking about the negative aspects of our lives. A lot of people hold on to hurtful memories for years. We get sick about it, have flashbacks, and waste our time thinking of memories of the past that hurt us in the present. 

Forgiveness therapy can help individuals navigate these unhelpful emotions and facilitate a process of self-healing rather than focusing solely on the person who caused the pain. You do this by coming to terms with the hurtful situation so that it doesn’t burden you daily.

Forgiveness is not about condoning harmful behavior, and it certainly doesn’t make it okay that you have been wronged. It is about acknowledging your hurt, accepting your pain, and making a conscious decision to move forward without letting it control your day-to-day life. It does not mean that you forget; it means that you have resolved the conflict, seen it as part of your life, and move forward without allowing it to interfere with your current relationships. 

The forgiveness process is desinged to help individuals move past anger and pain tied to past events and look into the beneficial role that forgiveness can play in healing. This therapy focuses on helping clients find balance, decrease negative emotions, and potentially increase compassion towards their offenders.

The Mental & Physical Benefits of Forgiveness

So why does forgiveness matter? And how do you know when it’s time to forgive? If you are seeking solace in substances such as drugs and alcohol or engaging in unhealthy behaviors such as self-mutilation or harm, risky sexual behavior, or are depressed, stressed, or anxious. It might be time to try to forgive, even what seems unforgivable. 

The mental health benefits of forgiveness are well established in the therapy community, and as such, it’s often crucial for those who feel victimized to learn to forgive to feel better. New research suggest that forgiveness therapy can significantly reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, and even physical ailments like chronic pain. 

Forgiveness therapy is associated with numerous benefits:

• Reduced anxiety & depression: Forgiveness has been shown to alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression, especially in individuals dealing with trauma.
• Improved heart health: Studies indicate that those who practice true forgiveness have better heart health, including lower blood pressure and reduced stress levels, contributing to overall cardiovascular well-being.
• Chronic pain reduction: Emotional distress often exacerbates physical pain. By addressing the underlying emotional issues, forgiveness therapy has been found to reduce chronic pain symptoms.

Forgiveness creates a higher quality of life, a healthier body, and a more positive attitude.” – Dr Enright, International Forgiveness Institite

The Different Aspects of Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be broken down into two main types:

1. Decisional Forgiveness: This involves making a conscious decision to forgive the offender, primarily to alleviate personal distress.
2. Emotional Forgiveness: This is a deeper process, addressing emotional wounds and gradually releasing negative feelings toward the offender.

New research suggests that emotional forgiveness offers the most profound and long-lasting benefits, as it involves a complete emotional release rather than just a rational decision. (Cohen, 2023).

The Forgiveness Process Model 

Forgiveness allows you to regain control over your life, instead of dwelling on past hurt. Forgiveness helps you reframe negative memories, and reduce the emotional toll of a traumatic event. Forgiveness therapy encourages clients to see the offending event in a balanced light, decreasing the desire for revenge and freeing up emotional energy for more positive pursuits. 

Although there are a variety of definitions of forgiveness, new case studies have identified three core components of forgiveness:

1. Gain a Balanced View: Seeing the offender as a flawed human being, rather than a villain.
2. Decrease Negative Feelings: Letting go of anger, resentment, and other harmful emotions, sometimes leading to increased compassion.
3. Relinquish the Right to Punish: Giving up the need to seek revenge or restitution.

These components help clients achieve emotional freedom and improve their overall quality of life, even in when there is no hope of repetence from the person causing harm. (Radical Forgiveness) 

Overcoming Common Misconceptions

One of the biggest hurdles to forgiveness is the belief that forgiving makes you weak or gives the offender a “free pass.” In reality, forgiveness is an act of strength and self-care. It doesn’t mean reconciliation or condoning the harmful behavior; it simply means that you are choosing to let go of the emotional weight, allowing yourself to move forward.

Practical Techniques in Forgiveness Therapy

Some people can forgive quickly, while others take a lot longer. The act of forgiving is one of realizing that holding onto anger and resentment carries a heavy weight on us. When we forgive, instead of only seeing our pain and suffering, we can begin to see the situation with complete acceptance as it is.

Forgiveness therapy includes several practical techniques that help individuals work through their pain, reduce anger and negative emotions, and promote a greater understanding:

• Cognitive Restructuring: Reframe thoughts about the offense.
• Empathy Development: Learning to see the situation from the another perspective.
• Guided Imagery: Visualize letting go of anger and resentment.

Why Hire a Forgiveness Therapist?

If you struggle to forgive on your own, it may be time to seek professional help. 

A therapists can provide a neutral and supportive space where you can explore harmful patterns, recognize areas needing change, and navigate the complex emotions tied to past wrongs. A therapist can help you obtain a greater understanding of the forgiveness process model and formulate a personalized plan to regain control over your life and emotional well-being. Forgiveness is a valuable tool in emotional healing, but can take time, practice and a little help to develop the skills. 

Finding the Right Therapist

When searching for a therapist, it’s essential to look for someone with whom you feel comfortable sharing intimate details of your life. The right therapist will be one who creates a trusting environment, listens without judgment, and helps guide you through the forgiveness process on your terms. Feeling connected to your therapist will allow you to trust their advice and know that they have your best interest in mind. Forgiveness therapy can be condicted by a vartiey or mental health professionals but typically is commomly performed by licensed psychologists specializing in marriage and family therapy. 

Forgiveness therapy is more than just letting go; it is a powerful tool for reclaiming your emotional health and well-being. By embracing forgiveness, you can free yourself from the heavy burden of resentment and live a more peaceful, empowered life.

Search therapytribe.com for a forgiveness therapist in your area or online in your state.

References

• American Psychological Association. (2017). Forgiveness can improve mental and physical health. Retrieved from APA
• Cohen, I. S. (2023). Deciding to Let Go. Retrieved from Psychology Today
• Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2004). The psychology of gratitude. Oxford University Press.
• Dr Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
• Dr Robert Enright, & The International Forgiveness Institute. (n.d.). Benefits of forgiveness. Retrieved from International Forgiveness Institute
• Exline, J. J., & Worthington, E. L. Jr. (2014). Forgiveness as a virtue: A psychological perspective. In Theory and research in the psychology of forgiveness (pp. 5-20). Guilford Press.
• Lin, W., Mack, D., Enright, R. D., Krahn, D., & Baskin, T. W. (2004). Effects of forgiveness therapy on depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress for women after spousal emotional abuse. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 72(6), 1114-1121.
• Rubin Khoddam, PhD. (2014, September 16). The psychology of forgiveness – A how-to guide on the science behind learning to forgive. Psychology Today. Retrieved from Psychology Today
• Tipping, C. (2010). Radical forgiveness: A revolutionary five-stage process to heal relationships, let go of anger and blame, and find peace in any situation. Sounds True.
• Toussaint, L. L., Worthington, E. L., & Williams, D. R. (2015). Forgiveness and health: Scientific evidence and theories relating forgiveness to better health. Springer.
• Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2006). Forgiveness and reconciliation: Theory and application. Routledge.