We hear the phrase “anger issues” all the time. A teenager lashes out. A colleague loses their temper. A young man becomes frustrated or withdrawn. The label quickly follows: “they have anger issues”.
But what if anger isn’t the problem?
Anger Isn’t Bad
Anger often gets treated as a negative emotion, but emotions aren’t inherently good or bad. They exist for a reason.
Anger is part of our natural survival system. It gives us the energy to respond when something feels unfair, threatening, unsafe, or blocked. Anger is part of our core survival mechanism that drives our “fight, flight, freeze, fawn or flop” response.
In healthy ways, anger can help us:
- Set boundaries
- Stand up for ourselves and others
- Address injustice
- Protect what matters
- Make necessary changes
The problem is rarely the emotion itself. The real issue is how we respond to it.
Anger is often the most visible emotion, but it’s frequently masking something deeper.
Underneath anger, we often find:
- Fear or anxiety
- Sadness or hurt
- Shame or embarrassment
- Disappointment
- Loneliness
- Grief
- Powerlessness
When people don’t have the language, skills, or permission to express these emotions, anger can become the default outlet.
The anger is real. But it may not be the whole story.
Aristotle wrote some 2,500 years ago that young people “think they know everything, and are quite sure about it; this…is why they overdo everything.” We seem content in perpetuating this stereotype.
For boys and young men, society regularly paints them as naturally (or unnaturally) angry or aggressive. This might be well-intentioned at an individual level, but in the mass media, whose raison d’être is profiting from fear, hysteria and moral panic, this narrative is harmful.
When young people repeatedly hear that they’re “angry” or have “anger issues,” they begin to see themselves that way.
Many boys grow up with limited guidance on understanding a wider range of emotions. As a result, anger becomes the only emotion they know how to recognise or express.
Understanding Comes Before Regulation
We often tell people to “manage” their emotions, but first they need to understand them. This is why the first pillar of our approach at Thumos is Understand.
There is a big difference between being:
- Angry and frustrated
- Angry and disappointed
- Angry and anxious
- Angry and ashamed
- Angry and hurt
- Angry and scared
These distinctions matter because each emotion offers the choice of a different response.
The better we can identify what we’re feeling, the better choices we can make about what to do next.
One of the key things we can teach young people is this:
Feeling angry is not a problem. Acting aggressively might be.
Feeling jealous, scared, disappointed, or frustrated is part of being human. What matters is how we respond.
The goal isn’t to eliminate difficult emotions. It’s to understand them and respond constructively.
And it’s everyone’s responsibility. The implementation of toolsets such as Zones of Regulation or The Resilience Project in many Australian primary schools has been extremely positive. We need for initiatives such as these to continue much further into adolescence and adulthood; and be part of life ‘beyond the school gate.’
The Problem With Labels
Labels like “anger issues” shut down curiosity and understanding.
It’s all too easy when encountering someone in distress, acting “out of sorts”, or even displaying anger and rage to ask:
“What’s wrong with this person?”
The short answer is “nothing” and viewing others as having something “wrong with them” based on how they may behave in challenging situations rarely produces constructive results.
A better question might be:
“What emotions are they experiencing that they don’t yet have the language or skills to understand?”
We then shift from blame and avoidance to growth and support.
A Better Conversation About Anger
Anger is not a character flaw, weakness, or defect.
It’s a normal human emotion carrying important information.
Rather than trying to get rid of anger, we should focus on helping people understand what they’re really feeling, build emotional vocabulary, and develop healthy ways to respond.
The goal isn’t to feel less.
The goal is to understand more.
© Michael Saxon/Thumos Health Services 2026. All Rights Reserved. https://thumos.com.au
Note: This article is provided for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or professional advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare professional regarding any mental health concerns. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate support, contact emergency services or a qualified crisis support service.