FEAR

I’m your resource. What do you want to know about fear?

I’m afraid. I don’t like it

What don’t you like about it?

It makes me panicky and on edge.

What does panicky and on edge feel like?

A tightness on my chest, I can’t think straight.

What does that feeling make you want to do?

Panic.

Well, some people panic in different ways. Some people curl up, some run, some people scream…what does it make you want to do?

I don’t know…I feel fear has an influence on my life, kind of an illusion, like a perception….maybe I’m using that perception thinking it’s protecting me. Why would someone want to cling to that reality?

No one would. The question is why does it happen. In my experience of working with this for nearly a decade is fear is a built in survival skills for a lot of things. We need fear. To survive. Fight, flight, freeze. During that time bodily functions happen, cortisol, the stress hormone, is high, your heart starts going crazy. Epinephrine and Norepinephrine work to get you ready to fight for your life. This comes from the original lizard brain. We’ve evolved of course, our brains developed, we now have a pre frontal cortex that can manage these signals.

Why do we have trouble managing these signals?

Because when we’re in that state the pre frontal cortext, the decision making part of your brain, is actually proven to decrease. It’s saying ‘get away from the situation, fight the situation, or freeze.’ So there is physiological things that are happening that are out of your control when you get triggered like that. That’s what that is, when you get fearful of something you are getting triggered. So if you’re in a car and someone cuts you off, yells ‘fuck you!’ They’re doing that because they’re angry right? But it’s not really anger. They react that way because you scared them. You threatened their safety. You threatened their rule book. That is the connection because fear and anger. Tell me the last time you were scared.

When I fight with my partner. I’m afraid of loosing him.

Ok so that sounds like a fear of abandonment

That sounds like a cliche

Ok well if you want to get better we don’t use words like cliche. We don’t. So it maybe it is a cliche or maybe it’s not but the problem is, is that it’s effecting you now and I’m only here for the results. I’m here to get you out of the situation. Shame and guilt don’t work. So what is fear of abandonment to you?

Hmm I don’t know. Insecure.

Ok so let’s metal detect a bit. I’m going to throw some ideas out there. So what message are you telling yourself? I believe I live in an unpredictable world and that makes me uncomfortable. It makes me scared. No matter how worthy I am, my partner may hurt me, they may find someone else, they may leave. If I don’t have control over that situation, if it’s left to the gods, if its left to fate then I have to trust, which is scary to me because in the past the world taught me it’s not safe to trust. It hurts to trust. It’s devastating for you. Tell me more about this feeling. Is the fear of abandonment about splitting up a partnership or is it a self worth issue.

I don’t know.

Well we’ve got to figure that out. Because if I feel worthy enough then I can expect that I’m going to be ok.

It doesn’t feel like that. It feels more like the bond of a family should not ever break. Like why do families break like, what the fuck! Families should not break! So I really don’t want to be in a broken family!

Ok, ok we got a trigger there, our metal detector went off. Once you start amping yourself up like that I know I’m in the right place. Ok? So now the question is why is that a trigger? Because it’s common when a family breaks up. Statistically most families break up. So why would, not even you, why would a person have a trigger so deeply embedded in them about the disillusion of a family?

Probably because my family was unstable.

Unstable ok. You value family. You’ve always valued family. So you were a kid and you didn’t really know what a family should or shouldn’t be but you knew it didn’t feel right-

-ok well talk about lizard brain it’s common fucking sense to keep a family together

One could argue the construct of monogamy was built over time. It’s a modern concept, the construct of marriage is one of utility. So you’ve always identified with monogamy. And that is fine. But what we have to discuss is that you are getting triggered by the thought of a disillusion of a relationship is putting you into a fight or flight response. To me, it may indicate an intense desire to always have a family.

Intense desire? I’m confused.

Well maybe where that powerful feeling comes from is not so much monogamy but brings you back to that feeling as a child in an unstable home. If your family was stable growing up would you have a trigger like this? Growing up like you did must have felt inauthentic to you. It didn’t feel right.

No it did not. Not at all. And now I’m exhausted. Do you think about this stuff in your own life?

Constantly. I have to stay on top of it. I’m a shark if I stop swimming I die. This journey can be lonely. Once you’ve chosen self awareness it can feel lonely being the only one in the room with that awareness. It’s really lonely watching others operate within a shell of who they really are. It’s lonely watching a person project their own stuff onto you and not being able to say anything because it would be pointless without years of therapy. I can’t tell you how many times when I try to connect with someone that isn’t self aware their eyes just glass over and I hear an empty “exactly” to whatever I may be trying to express to them that day. Maybe they’re lost, uninterested, or just not ready to hear someone else express their truth. Most often when I see people living in that shell its because they’ve had to survive that way. They forced themselves to live a lifestyle that may not have been built for them. But I’m here for people. Wherever they are in their journey. That is my duty, my responsibility.

fear, the facts:

When you experience fear, your body initiates a complex physiological response known as the “fight-or-flight” response. This response involves the release of several chemicals and hormones that prepare your body to react to perceived threats. The main chemicals involved in the fear response include:

1. Adrenaline (Epinephrine): Adrenaline is released by the adrenal glands and acts as a stress hormone. It triggers a rapid increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration rate, providing a burst of energy and enhancing alertness.

2. Noradrenaline (Norepinephrine): Noradrenaline works alongside adrenaline to increase heart rate, constrict blood vessels, and raise blood pressure. It helps prepare the body for action, improving focus and increasing blood flow to muscles.

3. Cortisol: Cortisol is a steroid hormone released by the adrenal glands in response to stress. It helps regulate glucose metabolism, increase blood sugar levels, and enhance the availability of energy sources in the body. Cortisol also dampens non-essential bodily functions, such as digestion and immune responses, to prioritize immediate survival.

4. Dopamine: Fear triggers the release of dopamine in certain brain regions, particularly in the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions. Dopamine plays a role in the formation of memories associated with fear and can heighten attention and arousal.

5. Serotonin: Fear can temporarily decrease serotonin levels in the brain. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that regulates mood, emotions, and feelings of well-being. Low serotonin levels may contribute to feelings of anxiety and contribute to the overall fear response.

It’s important to note that the fear response is a complex interplay of various physiological and psychological factors, and the release of these chemicals may vary depending on the individual and the specific circumstances.

Unleashing the Power Within: Understanding Fear and Empowering Artistic Minds

Welcome to our transformative journey, where we explore the intricacies of fear and its impact on the vibrant world of art and entertainment. As an experienced life coach and clinical therapist with a rich history of working with diverse individuals, including esteemed celebrities, singers, musicians, comedians, actors, directors, and writers, I am thrilled to be your guide.

Fear, that enigmatic emotion that grips our souls, inhibits our potential, and obstructs our creative flow. Together, we shall unravel its secrets and equip you with the tools to conquer this formidable force.

Within the realms of human psychology and behavior, fear holds profound significance. From a clinical standpoint, fear serves as an evolutionary survival mechanism, deeply ingrained within our beings. It heightens our senses, activates our fight-or-flight response, and triggers an intricate cascade of physiological processes, all aimed at preserving our existence. This primal instinct, originating from our ancient “lizard brain,” protected our ancestors and continues to influence our responses today.

Nevertheless, fear’s dominion over our lives is not absolute. As we evolved, our brains bestowed us with the prefrontal cortex, the guardian of reason and decision-making. This cognitive powerhouse enables us to navigate the labyrinth of fear, granting us the ability to manage its overwhelming signals.

Yet, even with this cerebral ally, fear can overpower the strongest of souls. It grips our thoughts, undermines our judgment, and propels us into a state of panic. When triggered, fear diminishes the prefrontal cortex’s functionality, redirecting our focus towards escape or self-preservation. These physiological responses, beyond our conscious control, shape our perceptions and behavior.

Imagine the scenario: a perilous encounter on the road, a stranger’s wrath expressed through expletives. In truth, their anger masks a profound fear. You inadvertently threatened their safety, disrupted their equilibrium, and ignited a primal response within them. Fear and anger intertwine, an intricate dance played out within the human psyche.

Now, let us delve into your own experience of fear. Perhaps it arises when engaging in passionate conflicts with your partner, where the specter of abandonment looms large. This fear, rooted deep within your being, transcends clichés. It echoes the insecurities that gnaw at your core, questioning your worthiness and fueling your dread. I am here to facilitate a meaningful exploration of these emotions, devoid of shame or guilt, and guide you towards liberation.

The fear of abandonment reveals a profound desire for connection, stability, and enduring familial bonds. It reflects your intrinsic values and resonates with your experiences. It is a testament to your empathy, for you recognize the sanctity of a unified family structure. Yet, within this longing lies the echoes of an unstable past, where authenticity seemed elusive and the world appeared askew.

Allow me to accompany you on this enlightening path. Together, we shall sift through the layers of your fear, peeling back the veneer of uncertainty. We will examine the root causes and illuminate the intricate tapestry of emotions that underpin your longing for an unbreakable family unit.

Through our shared journey, I assure you that you are not alone. As an expert in human psychology and behavior, I am constantly engaged in self-reflection and growth. This quest for self-awareness, though sometimes lonely, imbues my practice with depth and compassion. I have witnessed countless individuals inhabiting shells of their true selves, burdened by unexplored truths and projections.

My commitment lies in meeting you wherever you are on your unique journey of self-discovery. Together, we will navigate the intricate terrain of your fears, paving the way for personal growth, creative liberation, and a profound sense of empowerment.

Topics coming soon: inner child, anger