Many of us know the feeling. A look, tone or single word can suddenly send a conversation down a familiar path. We may have had the same argument so many times that we can almost predict what happens next. One person pushes for connection or change. The other becomes defensive, overwhelmed or shuts down. The […]
Everyone experiences strong emotions from time to time. Anger, sadness, fear, excitement, and disappointment are normal parts of life. For someone living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), however, emotions may sometimes feel unusually intense, arise quickly, and take longer to settle. This emotional intensity is more than simply being “too sensitive” or overreacting. BPD can […]
There’s a particular kind of tired that comes from having the same relationship problem over and over. You talk about it. Things improve for a week, maybe two. Then somehow you’re right back where you started. Eventually, the question changes from: “How do we fix this?” to: “Am I just stuck?” After more than 20 […]
There is nothing wrong with being independent. Being capable, resourceful, and able to take care of yourself can be incredible strengths. Maybe you’re the person others describe as: “So strong.”“So independent.”“She always figures it out.” But what happens when independence stops feeling like a choice? What if asking for help feels harder than simply doing […]
Sometimes an argument reaches a point where talking stops feeling productive. The heart rate rises. Breathing changes. The body becomes tense or restless, or perhaps everything begins to feel distant and numb. The urge to explain, defend, pursue or withdraw becomes stronger. At that point, it can be surprisingly difficult to access the qualities we […]
How can we tell our partner what we need without criticism, resentment or another argument? When couples become stuck in recurring conflict, dissatisfaction can build quietly before eventually coming out as criticism, complaints or demands. One partner may pursue harder for connection or change, while the other withdraws, becomes defensive or shuts down. The problem […]
“I maschi non piangono.” Nel mio studio a Londra, dove lavoro da oltre vent’anni come psicoterapeuta, sento questa frase, o una sua variante, tornare spesso, non solo dalle donne italiane con cui lavoro, ma anche dagli uomini stessi, italiani o no, quando provano a spiegare perché hanno imparato a nascondere quello che sentono davvero. Perché […]
One of the first signs that insecurity is affecting a relationship can sound surprisingly harmless: “It’s easier if I just don’t tell them.” You stop mentioning the coworker who invited you to lunch. You think twice before making plans with friends. You leave out an innocent interaction because you already know it may lead to […]
Trauma doesn’t just live in memories. It lives in nervous systems, in relationship patterns, in how we show up—or shut down—with the people we love. Trauma is passed down generation after generation. More than a personal wound, it becomes culture. Family legacy. Emotional DNA. For anyone with a trauma history, the story that follows may […]
When couples tell me: “We just don’t feel close anymore.” My first instinct isn’t necessarily to tell them to spend more time together, schedule another date night, or start having deeper conversations. I want to know something else first: What happens when one of you tries to be vulnerable? What happens when you say, “That […]
