Parenting can bring unexpected awareness of the ways we communicate. A parent may hear themselves respond to their child and suddenly recognize a familiar phrase, tone, or reaction from their own childhood. This experience can be unsettling, particularly when the response is one they had hoped to approach differently with their own children. It can […]
When “I’m Fine” Isn’t Quite the Whole Story How many times has someone asked, “How are you?” and before you’ve even had time to think, you’ve smiled and said, “I’m fine.” Sometimes we really are fine. But sometimes “fine” is simply the easiest answer. We may be carrying worry, relationship stress, loneliness, anger, exhaustion, or […]
Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought:“Why did I react like that?”Maybe you became defensive. Shut down. Got angry. Wanted to leave. Or said something that didn’t actually express what you were feeling.We’re often quick to judge the reaction:“I’m too emotional.”“I’m terrible at confrontation.”“Why can’t I communicate normally?”But I think there’s a […]
Many of us know the feeling. A look, tone or single word can suddenly send a conversation down a familiar path. We may have had the same argument so many times that we can almost predict what happens next. One person pushes for connection or change. The other becomes defensive, overwhelmed or shuts down. The […]
There is nothing wrong with being independent. Being capable, resourceful, and able to take care of yourself can be incredible strengths. Maybe you’re the person others describe as: “So strong.”“So independent.”“She always figures it out.” But what happens when independence stops feeling like a choice? What if asking for help feels harder than simply doing […]
Sometimes an argument reaches a point where talking stops feeling productive. The heart rate rises. Breathing changes. The body becomes tense or restless, or perhaps everything begins to feel distant and numb. The urge to explain, defend, pursue or withdraw becomes stronger. At that point, it can be surprisingly difficult to access the qualities we […]
How can we tell our partner what we need without criticism, resentment or another argument? When couples become stuck in recurring conflict, dissatisfaction can build quietly before eventually coming out as criticism, complaints or demands. One partner may pursue harder for connection or change, while the other withdraws, becomes defensive or shuts down. The problem […]
“I maschi non piangono.” Nel mio studio a Londra, dove lavoro da oltre vent’anni come psicoterapeuta, sento questa frase, o una sua variante, tornare spesso, non solo dalle donne italiane con cui lavoro, ma anche dagli uomini stessi, italiani o no, quando provano a spiegare perché hanno imparato a nascondere quello che sentono davvero. Perché […]
Qualche giorno fa ho chiesto a due amiche se volevano venire con me a una giornata di beneficenza alla stazione dei pompieri qui vicino. Speravo che l’idea le tentasse quanto tentava me: usare l’idrante, bagnarsi, giocare un pomeriggio intero senza pensarci due volte. Tutte e due si sono un po’ imbarazzate. Mi sono accorta che […]
Perfectionism is often seen as a strength. You may be someone who works hard, pays close attention to details, sets high standards, and wants to do things well. But when the need to be perfect becomes tied to your sense of worth, it can become exhausting. You may accomplish something you worked hard for, only […]
